i want whats yours and i want whats mine
grrrrr.
i guess a lot has happened in the past [almost] month, but not to list. ive gone out a lot, something that i didnt really think that i could do because...i dont know, because i just couldnt imagine it.
like, how can you go out and seem normal when inside you arent normal at all.
but i guess there are levels of normality, like personality channels or something. so you have to learn to program yourself to one channel and stay on it, because no one wants to see whats on the other ones, not even me.
but yea, that is actually working out pretty well. argh i just deleted loads of what i wrote.
im having good times and stuff, and it probably isnt coping, but what is coping with something you dont want to imagine.
so im surrounding myself with friends and distractions so that i dont have to spend any time alone.
and watching Six Feet Under religiously when i am alone.
i hate living in my house so much at the moment, theres so much tension and ugh. i just am really hating juan. everything she does just grates grates grates. and i cant take it anymore.
but! clares decided to stay here with meee instead of going to her lesson, so im going to go and love her.
hope youre all okay! <3<3<3<3<3<3
i guess a lot has happened in the past [almost] month, but not to list. ive gone out a lot, something that i didnt really think that i could do because...i dont know, because i just couldnt imagine it.
like, how can you go out and seem normal when inside you arent normal at all.
but i guess there are levels of normality, like personality channels or something. so you have to learn to program yourself to one channel and stay on it, because no one wants to see whats on the other ones, not even me.
but yea, that is actually working out pretty well. argh i just deleted loads of what i wrote.
im having good times and stuff, and it probably isnt coping, but what is coping with something you dont want to imagine.
so im surrounding myself with friends and distractions so that i dont have to spend any time alone.
and watching Six Feet Under religiously when i am alone.
i hate living in my house so much at the moment, theres so much tension and ugh. i just am really hating juan. everything she does just grates grates grates. and i cant take it anymore.
but! clares decided to stay here with meee instead of going to her lesson, so im going to go and love her.
hope youre all okay! <3<3<3<3<3<3