Waiting with soggy shoes
waiting to drop off my final so i can go home and watch more cheers. finally purchased peacemaker volume five so it should be in my grasp soon... yay. can't believe i held out that long. its raining today... thats so cool. ive walked across the quad thrice today already... got nice and soaked. rain makes my body wake up... i like it. im still kinda sick so that may not have been the best idea but this will prolly be the last rain seen for quite some time - better soak it up while i can.
cant wait for summer to truly begin. Im ready for the long nights of fun with friends. Playing video games for hours not having to worry about papers or class. Staying out late because i wont have to wake up for class early the next morning. yay.
i enjoy my job so much. i feel good at what i do and i connect with the people i work with most of the time. work buddies are always out and about doing something wanting me to join them. this may sound cheesy or lame or something but it makes me feel good that theres a group of people who always wish to have me around. i know i have other people like that outside of work but many of them are an hour away from me. :( So work buddies give me a group to frequent and enjoy every once and a while. it's funny tho cuz sometimes i feel so different from my coworkers... they drink a whole heck of a lot. and i dont really. they get stoned a whole heck of a lot and i dont. sometimes i feel like the diane chambers of trader joes. (man, ive been watching too much cheers... 3 more seasons)
we went to some karaoke bar in hollywood. it was very cool... and really fun. we're gonna go again several times this summer. working on forming up an anime night with some of the gents at trader joes as well... it should be fun. havent attended anime night in awhile.
hot damn this album is so good. i like explosions in the sky. sorry if im all over the place. but i dont think anyone is reading this anyway. if anyone is feel free to let me know by commenting.
im still reeling a bit from Coachella... which is funny because it already feels like it happened ages ago. i wish next year would be here already... right now. that was such a great weekend. even when our car broke down in the desert and we thought we had to wait in the heat to get it towed... i was having fun. i miss the guys too. it was fun hanging with them all and laughing about poop and such. granted once i came home i longed for the company of my female friends... hanging with a bunch of boys will do that to ya.
i decided im going to treat laura and fay fay to a meal at macaroni grill on thursday to officially kick off summer goodness. we've all had a hell of a year already... we deserve it. :)
been thinking about something i talked about with meg the other night. she wants me to meet some guy she works with... says he's nice. maybe i'll make a new friend. sounds good. i want new friends. mayhaps next semester ill try to make a friend at school. its fun connecting with people. CSUN does finally feel like my school... i know where things are and if i need to find a place i'm not so intimidated anymore about finding it. but making some friends here would be nice.
but despite this desire, i miss my real friends. havent really seen any of them in like a week or two. my sickness combined with finals and crazy working at Trader Joes creates no time for those i wish to spend time with. im really quite fortunate to have the friends i have... they understand me. i guess im feeling quite grateful for everything today. its good weather for that i think.
my music tastes are growing into something i never thought could exist. it almost feels like the music i listen to is maturing right along with me. with bands like wilco, dredg, explosions in the sky, sigur ros, mogwai, iron and wine... i feel they speak to something deeper within me. something more critical and imperative than where punk music reaches me. there is ALWAYS room for punk in my heart... yet my musical taste now has slowed down. and thats okay with me. i feel more intelligent listening to the music i listen to. more fed. more serene. ive found solace within this music. music has never meant more to me than it does now... and with each passing day it grows bit by bit. if theres no music in my next life or wherever i go when i die i will be very sad.
speaking of death and dying... a thought just occurred to me. i was "saved" the other day at work. this gentleman tony spoke with me and my manager angel about the bible and such. he asked me if i was "saved"? i said i was catholic. ha. then he proceeded to talk to me about the truth and how you can find it in the bible. he said that there was no debating truth and if you read the bible there were no contradictions within it. with my knowledge of the actual hebrew text, i know that this concept is quite farfetched and so i brought that up to him. i explained how the hebrew text of the bible was written without vowels or punctuation... with those two major problems there is A LOT of room for interpretation. i asked if he didnt believe in interpretations of the bible... he pretty much answered that he did not. and i thought his view of the bible, as fascinating as it was to him, seemed dull to me. i love thinking of the million different possibilities and angles to approach the text from and such and it seems so very exciting. his view kinda sucked the adventure out of it. so he basically started preaching to me about jesus and kept asking me questions about my own faith. i was starting to get a little impatient as a cart chockful of bread remained at my side waiting to be written off and bagged. i also felt like this man thought i did not know god or something and felt a bit offended by his questions. i remained patient though and actually only pretended to listen to most of what he said. i simply shook my head knowingly and looked for a way out of this sermon. he continued to preach to me about jesus, explaining that if i knew jesus in my heart i would be saved. i asked what about the people who did not know jesus... people who worshipped other religions... are they "saved"? he stated that they know jesus in some form or another and that god doesnt want people worshipping all separately anyway. i countered with the fact that other religions are also doing good in the world and i cant say that the people in them arent going to heaven simply because they dont worship jesus. so eventually i ended up praying with the man as he recited a prayer and i repeated it. i wasnt truly praying though as i didnt feel like i needed any sort of "saving" let alone spiritually "saving". he introduced himself, smiled, stated that it was good to meet me and went on his merry way.
now the reason i bring this incredibly verbose tale is to say this: it is people like this man tony which actually make me feel far away from my god. people like him make me feel like im doing something wrong. this doesnt injure me... but rather it sort of aggravates me. because i cant relate to the idea of being "saved"... i did not grow up with this terminology and i do not feel comfortable using it. i look at this man and ask, are we both really striving for the same thing? it's this kind of passion that scares a lot people away from religion and i understand why. its alienating not welcoming. no matter how tender your tone, when you're trying to "save" someone in the middle of a mercantile you're going to alienate people. i felt quite bombarded and confused by this man... this man who when he walked away i wondered how he felt. was he saying to himself "saved another one"... or what? i dont understand this need for "saving" other people in this sense. perhaps i'll write a paper on it eventually... this is something worthy of study.
now i think ive killed enough time. i must go turn in a final. thanks for reading if you made it this far.
womp womp. :)
cant wait for summer to truly begin. Im ready for the long nights of fun with friends. Playing video games for hours not having to worry about papers or class. Staying out late because i wont have to wake up for class early the next morning. yay.
i enjoy my job so much. i feel good at what i do and i connect with the people i work with most of the time. work buddies are always out and about doing something wanting me to join them. this may sound cheesy or lame or something but it makes me feel good that theres a group of people who always wish to have me around. i know i have other people like that outside of work but many of them are an hour away from me. :( So work buddies give me a group to frequent and enjoy every once and a while. it's funny tho cuz sometimes i feel so different from my coworkers... they drink a whole heck of a lot. and i dont really. they get stoned a whole heck of a lot and i dont. sometimes i feel like the diane chambers of trader joes. (man, ive been watching too much cheers... 3 more seasons)
we went to some karaoke bar in hollywood. it was very cool... and really fun. we're gonna go again several times this summer. working on forming up an anime night with some of the gents at trader joes as well... it should be fun. havent attended anime night in awhile.
hot damn this album is so good. i like explosions in the sky. sorry if im all over the place. but i dont think anyone is reading this anyway. if anyone is feel free to let me know by commenting.
im still reeling a bit from Coachella... which is funny because it already feels like it happened ages ago. i wish next year would be here already... right now. that was such a great weekend. even when our car broke down in the desert and we thought we had to wait in the heat to get it towed... i was having fun. i miss the guys too. it was fun hanging with them all and laughing about poop and such. granted once i came home i longed for the company of my female friends... hanging with a bunch of boys will do that to ya.
i decided im going to treat laura and fay fay to a meal at macaroni grill on thursday to officially kick off summer goodness. we've all had a hell of a year already... we deserve it. :)
been thinking about something i talked about with meg the other night. she wants me to meet some guy she works with... says he's nice. maybe i'll make a new friend. sounds good. i want new friends. mayhaps next semester ill try to make a friend at school. its fun connecting with people. CSUN does finally feel like my school... i know where things are and if i need to find a place i'm not so intimidated anymore about finding it. but making some friends here would be nice.
but despite this desire, i miss my real friends. havent really seen any of them in like a week or two. my sickness combined with finals and crazy working at Trader Joes creates no time for those i wish to spend time with. im really quite fortunate to have the friends i have... they understand me. i guess im feeling quite grateful for everything today. its good weather for that i think.
my music tastes are growing into something i never thought could exist. it almost feels like the music i listen to is maturing right along with me. with bands like wilco, dredg, explosions in the sky, sigur ros, mogwai, iron and wine... i feel they speak to something deeper within me. something more critical and imperative than where punk music reaches me. there is ALWAYS room for punk in my heart... yet my musical taste now has slowed down. and thats okay with me. i feel more intelligent listening to the music i listen to. more fed. more serene. ive found solace within this music. music has never meant more to me than it does now... and with each passing day it grows bit by bit. if theres no music in my next life or wherever i go when i die i will be very sad.
speaking of death and dying... a thought just occurred to me. i was "saved" the other day at work. this gentleman tony spoke with me and my manager angel about the bible and such. he asked me if i was "saved"? i said i was catholic. ha. then he proceeded to talk to me about the truth and how you can find it in the bible. he said that there was no debating truth and if you read the bible there were no contradictions within it. with my knowledge of the actual hebrew text, i know that this concept is quite farfetched and so i brought that up to him. i explained how the hebrew text of the bible was written without vowels or punctuation... with those two major problems there is A LOT of room for interpretation. i asked if he didnt believe in interpretations of the bible... he pretty much answered that he did not. and i thought his view of the bible, as fascinating as it was to him, seemed dull to me. i love thinking of the million different possibilities and angles to approach the text from and such and it seems so very exciting. his view kinda sucked the adventure out of it. so he basically started preaching to me about jesus and kept asking me questions about my own faith. i was starting to get a little impatient as a cart chockful of bread remained at my side waiting to be written off and bagged. i also felt like this man thought i did not know god or something and felt a bit offended by his questions. i remained patient though and actually only pretended to listen to most of what he said. i simply shook my head knowingly and looked for a way out of this sermon. he continued to preach to me about jesus, explaining that if i knew jesus in my heart i would be saved. i asked what about the people who did not know jesus... people who worshipped other religions... are they "saved"? he stated that they know jesus in some form or another and that god doesnt want people worshipping all separately anyway. i countered with the fact that other religions are also doing good in the world and i cant say that the people in them arent going to heaven simply because they dont worship jesus. so eventually i ended up praying with the man as he recited a prayer and i repeated it. i wasnt truly praying though as i didnt feel like i needed any sort of "saving" let alone spiritually "saving". he introduced himself, smiled, stated that it was good to meet me and went on his merry way.
now the reason i bring this incredibly verbose tale is to say this: it is people like this man tony which actually make me feel far away from my god. people like him make me feel like im doing something wrong. this doesnt injure me... but rather it sort of aggravates me. because i cant relate to the idea of being "saved"... i did not grow up with this terminology and i do not feel comfortable using it. i look at this man and ask, are we both really striving for the same thing? it's this kind of passion that scares a lot people away from religion and i understand why. its alienating not welcoming. no matter how tender your tone, when you're trying to "save" someone in the middle of a mercantile you're going to alienate people. i felt quite bombarded and confused by this man... this man who when he walked away i wondered how he felt. was he saying to himself "saved another one"... or what? i dont understand this need for "saving" other people in this sense. perhaps i'll write a paper on it eventually... this is something worthy of study.
now i think ive killed enough time. i must go turn in a final. thanks for reading if you made it this far.
womp womp. :)