(no subject)
i decided i'm going to regress a little. i'm scared. i don't think i liked that person, now i don't have a choice... it's natural. to regress if progress is not being made. regress back to the beginning.
so i will become, yet again, quiet, shy, reserved linnae. again, unfortunately.
there is nothing i can seem to do to stop it. and i don't think i care right now. i thought i liked who i was, but now i'm @ the center of attention all the time so i don't get to slink away ever.
i dont know why stephen wont be my friend. i like to pretend it doesn't bother me. and when i'm around my friends, for the most part, it doesn't even effect me.
but there are other times. when i just cannot get him out of my mind. his smile lingers in my head. but really all i have to think about is the way he treated me and i'm immediately subdued.
i need something else. someone else to distract me from him and his old charms and basic loveliness, cause God Himself knows stephen was anything but lovely.
why can't seem to remember that without my old journals. why can't i remember how hurt i felt?
i mean, i've always been like this. forget, but not forgive. i don't know if it's in my nature to forgive. i'm still not sure i know how to...
i have issues. that is for damn sure. i don't like that i can't make up my mind about anything. i don't like that i cant remember if i last said i loved it or i hated it.
but really, i am SO open-minded i don't really think too strongly one against another. i can be swayed. i would be the worst politician. flip-flopper. but i really can see why both sides would be considerable.
i am so sick of my life right now. i can say i am happy with my life all i want. but it's really not just a positive attitude. sometimes it just feels like some parts have to fail to teach a lesson...
does that make sense.
goodnight.
so i will become, yet again, quiet, shy, reserved linnae. again, unfortunately.
there is nothing i can seem to do to stop it. and i don't think i care right now. i thought i liked who i was, but now i'm @ the center of attention all the time so i don't get to slink away ever.
i dont know why stephen wont be my friend. i like to pretend it doesn't bother me. and when i'm around my friends, for the most part, it doesn't even effect me.
but there are other times. when i just cannot get him out of my mind. his smile lingers in my head. but really all i have to think about is the way he treated me and i'm immediately subdued.
i need something else. someone else to distract me from him and his old charms and basic loveliness, cause God Himself knows stephen was anything but lovely.
why can't seem to remember that without my old journals. why can't i remember how hurt i felt?
i mean, i've always been like this. forget, but not forgive. i don't know if it's in my nature to forgive. i'm still not sure i know how to...
i have issues. that is for damn sure. i don't like that i can't make up my mind about anything. i don't like that i cant remember if i last said i loved it or i hated it.
but really, i am SO open-minded i don't really think too strongly one against another. i can be swayed. i would be the worst politician. flip-flopper. but i really can see why both sides would be considerable.
i am so sick of my life right now. i can say i am happy with my life all i want. but it's really not just a positive attitude. sometimes it just feels like some parts have to fail to teach a lesson...
does that make sense.
goodnight.