shot through my heart
so yea. my world has self destructed. today was the worst day of my life. i was depressed. seriously depressed. i layed in bed all day. i left my room for the first time at about 4:15pm, only because i had to take a shower and get ready for work. i hate fighting. i screamed at him. literally. i SCREAMED. work sucked. tonight was horrible. im really kind of dissappointed in him tonight. and very worried. i freaked out. i told him "fuck you, i fucking hate you" on his answering machine. he hasn't heard it, but he saw it when i texted him the same thing. he called, he was sorry. he made confessions on his feelings. im so sad. i am so sad. i cried on the phone, he asked me not to. please dont cry. that made me want to cry louder, so he could hear me, so he could see what he did to me. just try. just try. be calm. don't fight. just try. the new year is so soon. just try for the new year. please? i truly feel empty. i can't hear anything but the buttons getting pressed on my keyboard. and sniffles. oh lord. just try. please go home. don't stay out any more. i am worried about you, please go home. or come to me. i was so mad at you, and now you are the only thing my eyes want to see. i need you near me right now. i need your head lying on my chest, with my hands in your hair. your hands on my soft skin. our legs tangled in each other. just love. just try. go home. come to me. every begging plea is getting louder, but you can't hear me.
i need my hands in your hair. your warmth. your hands.