fic: When i find you (i'll find me), pg-13, merlin
I wrote this after the events of 4x11. I know many were hoping for a different outcome, and although I can see the progress in Gwen and Arthur's story that doesn't mean I wouldn't had liked for them to actually see each other again in this episode.
Written for janettecassar.
Title: When I find you (I'll find me)
Author: hope27
Rating: PG-13 (just to be on the safe side)
Spoilers: Up to 4x11
Summary: A different way 4x11 could have gone.
Disclaimer: All characters, story lines, settings belong to BBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
*Title from Joshua Radin song: "When You Find Me"
It was dark when she awoke. A stabbing pain ripping her from her unconsciousness state. She bit down hard on her lip to keep from crying out as she looked to see an arrow protruding from her skin.
Her thoughts were a jumble and she knew if she felt her brow, it would be feverish.
Arthur...
Her reasons for being in the woods; running with everything she had back towards a place she was no longer wanted came back to her.
She lifted a shaking hand to her neck, and a cry escaped her lips when she did not feel the cool metal of his ring around her neck.
Arthur...no...must warn...
She tried to stand, gasping as a wave of searing pain tore through her side. She felt blackness trying to close in around her, but she fought to stay awake, her determination no match for wounds.
Pushing up again, she braced herself, and somehow managed to stand, ignoring the wetness on her cheeks.
Stumbling, she made it to a nearby tree and slouched against it. She knew she must keep going, she could not stop despite the agony she felt.
A rustling from across the way made her freeze, though her ragged breathing, she could not silence.
“Gwen?” came a hushed, yet worried cry.
A shadowy figure approached her and she desperately tried to hold on to the last bit of consciousness, but the pain was overtaking her.
“It’s me...Merlin.” The figure called, running to her side. A rush of air escaped her lips and she cried out in relief.
“Merlin!” Seeing his familiar face gave her strength, and she pushed away the darkness that kept clawing at her.
“I need...I need...Arthur...he’s in...trouble.” She let out a sharp cry as she slumped against the tree. Merlin’s eyes were wide as he noticed her wound for the first time.
“Gwen, you’re hurt,” He sucked in a breathe as he looked at the arrow jutting from her body.
Shaking her head, she tried to continue, “Doesn’t matter. You must...you must...warn Arthur...Morgana...she....”
Merlin supported her as she started to fall forwards, holding on to him, desperately trying to catch her breath. But she could not. It was as if all the air was being sucked from her lungs.
“I’m getting you back to Camelot,” Merlin stated, after a pause in which she saw him thinking deeply about something.
“No...banished...” Gwen tried to reason knowing she was not making much sense, but Merlin ignored her.
Half carrying her, he led her back the way he had come and soon a horse came into view. “You’re going to be okay, Gwen,” Merlin promised, his words solemn.
Gwen simply shook her head, the fight draining from her body, “Doesn’t...matter,” she wheezed, choking on the air that would not fill her lungs. “Just...keep Arthur...safe...”
She felt her body go limp as the darkness surrounded her.
*
The hour was late, but Arthur was awake, staring out his window, her ring cradled in his hands when he heard the sound of horse hooves clacking across the cobblestone of the castle square.
His body stiffened, muscles tensing as he peered closely out the window. He instantly recognized Merlin’s figure as he dismounted, supporting another who slumped forward from the horse.
Arthur was quickly out of his chambers. He took the stairs two at a time, flinging open the main castle doors where he stopped, staring at the person Merlin was supporting.
He found her could barely breathe as he saw the moonlight glinting off familiar brown ringlets. Her face was shielded, but he would know her form anywhere, day or night.
Merlin paused looking up at Arthur, cradling her against him, watching his friend quietly.
Arthur felt his heart seize. She was not okay. She was not walking. She was not conscious. She was slumped against Merlin, her limbs hanging lifelessly by her sides.
“What...” The word was a whisper carried off by the wind.
“She’s hurt,” Merlin stated softly, but loud enough that Arthur could hear. “She’s been hit by an arrow...”
An arrow....Images of his hunting expedition earlier in the day flashed through his mind. His bow raised, aiming at a beautiful deer in a clearing... No!
“No!” He said aloud, refusing to believe what his mind was telling him; what Merlin was telling him.
And then he was running, leaping down the steps and gathering her in his arms.
The months of pain and the agony of her betrayal melted away as he held her against him. She felt light in his arms, too light.
“Stay with me, Guinevere,” he whispered as he carried her quickly into the castle.
*
Arthur paced back and forth outside Gaius’s chambers. Every so often he stopped to put his head in his hands, praying that she would be okay. She had to be okay.
Merlin had told him quickly of how he’d found her, what she’d said. She had been trying to warn him. She’d come back even though he’d banished her; she’d come back because she didn’t want Camelot (him, his heart whispered) to be hurt. He was a fool.
Glancing down, he saw his white shirt stained red with blood - her blood.
What have I done? Arthur leaned against the wall, sinking to the ground, his already crumbling heart shattering at the thought of losing her completely.
*
Daylight tinged the edges of the horizon pink before Merlin emerged from Gaius’s chambers.
Quietly, he joined his friend on the floor.
“Is she okay?” Arthur asked, his voice gravelly from the tears he’d spent.
Merlin sighed, “Yeah, she’s a fighter. She’s weak, but she’s going to live.”
Arthur groaned in relief, head thrown back against the wall as he screwed his eyes shut to stave off the threat of tears.
“Merlin, what have I done?” he finally whispered. “I sent her away. I put her in danger. She’s lying in there because of me. I shot her, didn’t I? It was my arrow...”
He couldn’t even finish his thoughts, events of the past few months playing over and over in his head, a cruel cycle that tormented his already weary soul.
“It was magic, Arthur,” Merlin told him firmly. “She was enchanted to look like a deer. You couldn’t have known...but it was not your arrow. It did not have your markings on it.”
Relief tore through him, but he shook his head in confusion, “Then who...”
The image of the princess raising her bow flashed through his mind. “She...it was her arrow.”
Merlin simply nodded. “I don’t think she knew it was Gwen either. The enchantment was strong, put there by someone powerful...”
Arthur sucked in a breath, immediately knowing who was to blame for this. “Morgana.”
Merlin said nothing, but Arthur knew he was thinking the same thing. He then remembered what Merlin had told him earlier. Gwen was trying to get to him, to Camelot...to warn them.
“What exactly did Guinevere say about Morgana and her plans?” Arthur asked quickly, his mind realizing for the first time Camelot was probably in grave danger.
Merlin shook his head, “She didn’t. She fainted before she could tell me anything.”
“Is she awake?” Arthur asked, peering at the door in front of them.
“Not yet,” Merlin sighed, “but she should be soon.”
He needed to see her. Everything in him longed to reach out to her, hold her once more. It was painful enough letting go of her after bringing her to Gaius last night. If he could have, he would have held her forever.
Standing, he took a steadying breath and walked to the door. “Merlin, gather the Knights. Let them know what has happened,” he told his friend. It was not an order, but a plea.
Merlin stood as well, nodding, “Of course.”
Gaius pointed him to Merlin’s room when he entered. The older man knowing Arthur needed to be alone with her.
Shutting the door softly behind him, Arthur turned, finally able to truly look upon her for the first time in months. His jaw tightened as he saw her lying in Merlin’s bed, her face gaunt in the candlelight. She was pale and beads of sweat still clung to her forehead. His heart ached reminding him that despite everything he still loved her. He always would.
Carefully, he took a seat at the side of the bed, his heart thumping loudly in his chest. He swallowed once, twice, trying to keep his emotions in check.
He opened his mouth, wanting to say something...everything to her, but he knew she could not hear him.
The memory of her voice echoing through his dreams when he lie unconscious from the bite of the Questing Beast sprung to his mind. Maybe...maybe she could hear him.
Reaching for her hand, he intertwined her fingers through his, bringing them to his lips. “Come back to me,” he whispered, kissing her hand. “Guinevere, I’m so sorry.”
His only response was silence, but he refused to give up hope. She had always held on to the belief that things would be okay. He would do the same.
Taking her ring from where he’d worn it on his small finger, he placed it softly in her free hand, closing her fingers around it.
It was then that he felt her fingers squeeze his and his name fall from her lips.
“Arthur...”
Written for janettecassar.
Title: When I find you (I'll find me)
Author: hope27
Rating: PG-13 (just to be on the safe side)
Spoilers: Up to 4x11
Summary: A different way 4x11 could have gone.
Disclaimer: All characters, story lines, settings belong to BBC. No copyright infringement is intended.
*Title from Joshua Radin song: "When You Find Me"
It was dark when she awoke. A stabbing pain ripping her from her unconsciousness state. She bit down hard on her lip to keep from crying out as she looked to see an arrow protruding from her skin.
Her thoughts were a jumble and she knew if she felt her brow, it would be feverish.
Arthur...
Her reasons for being in the woods; running with everything she had back towards a place she was no longer wanted came back to her.
She lifted a shaking hand to her neck, and a cry escaped her lips when she did not feel the cool metal of his ring around her neck.
Arthur...no...must warn...
She tried to stand, gasping as a wave of searing pain tore through her side. She felt blackness trying to close in around her, but she fought to stay awake, her determination no match for wounds.
Pushing up again, she braced herself, and somehow managed to stand, ignoring the wetness on her cheeks.
Stumbling, she made it to a nearby tree and slouched against it. She knew she must keep going, she could not stop despite the agony she felt.
A rustling from across the way made her freeze, though her ragged breathing, she could not silence.
“Gwen?” came a hushed, yet worried cry.
A shadowy figure approached her and she desperately tried to hold on to the last bit of consciousness, but the pain was overtaking her.
“It’s me...Merlin.” The figure called, running to her side. A rush of air escaped her lips and she cried out in relief.
“Merlin!” Seeing his familiar face gave her strength, and she pushed away the darkness that kept clawing at her.
“I need...I need...Arthur...he’s in...trouble.” She let out a sharp cry as she slumped against the tree. Merlin’s eyes were wide as he noticed her wound for the first time.
“Gwen, you’re hurt,” He sucked in a breathe as he looked at the arrow jutting from her body.
Shaking her head, she tried to continue, “Doesn’t matter. You must...you must...warn Arthur...Morgana...she....”
Merlin supported her as she started to fall forwards, holding on to him, desperately trying to catch her breath. But she could not. It was as if all the air was being sucked from her lungs.
“I’m getting you back to Camelot,” Merlin stated, after a pause in which she saw him thinking deeply about something.
“No...banished...” Gwen tried to reason knowing she was not making much sense, but Merlin ignored her.
Half carrying her, he led her back the way he had come and soon a horse came into view. “You’re going to be okay, Gwen,” Merlin promised, his words solemn.
Gwen simply shook her head, the fight draining from her body, “Doesn’t...matter,” she wheezed, choking on the air that would not fill her lungs. “Just...keep Arthur...safe...”
She felt her body go limp as the darkness surrounded her.
*
The hour was late, but Arthur was awake, staring out his window, her ring cradled in his hands when he heard the sound of horse hooves clacking across the cobblestone of the castle square.
His body stiffened, muscles tensing as he peered closely out the window. He instantly recognized Merlin’s figure as he dismounted, supporting another who slumped forward from the horse.
Arthur was quickly out of his chambers. He took the stairs two at a time, flinging open the main castle doors where he stopped, staring at the person Merlin was supporting.
He found her could barely breathe as he saw the moonlight glinting off familiar brown ringlets. Her face was shielded, but he would know her form anywhere, day or night.
Merlin paused looking up at Arthur, cradling her against him, watching his friend quietly.
Arthur felt his heart seize. She was not okay. She was not walking. She was not conscious. She was slumped against Merlin, her limbs hanging lifelessly by her sides.
“What...” The word was a whisper carried off by the wind.
“She’s hurt,” Merlin stated softly, but loud enough that Arthur could hear. “She’s been hit by an arrow...”
An arrow....Images of his hunting expedition earlier in the day flashed through his mind. His bow raised, aiming at a beautiful deer in a clearing... No!
“No!” He said aloud, refusing to believe what his mind was telling him; what Merlin was telling him.
And then he was running, leaping down the steps and gathering her in his arms.
The months of pain and the agony of her betrayal melted away as he held her against him. She felt light in his arms, too light.
“Stay with me, Guinevere,” he whispered as he carried her quickly into the castle.
*
Arthur paced back and forth outside Gaius’s chambers. Every so often he stopped to put his head in his hands, praying that she would be okay. She had to be okay.
Merlin had told him quickly of how he’d found her, what she’d said. She had been trying to warn him. She’d come back even though he’d banished her; she’d come back because she didn’t want Camelot (him, his heart whispered) to be hurt. He was a fool.
Glancing down, he saw his white shirt stained red with blood - her blood.
What have I done? Arthur leaned against the wall, sinking to the ground, his already crumbling heart shattering at the thought of losing her completely.
*
Daylight tinged the edges of the horizon pink before Merlin emerged from Gaius’s chambers.
Quietly, he joined his friend on the floor.
“Is she okay?” Arthur asked, his voice gravelly from the tears he’d spent.
Merlin sighed, “Yeah, she’s a fighter. She’s weak, but she’s going to live.”
Arthur groaned in relief, head thrown back against the wall as he screwed his eyes shut to stave off the threat of tears.
“Merlin, what have I done?” he finally whispered. “I sent her away. I put her in danger. She’s lying in there because of me. I shot her, didn’t I? It was my arrow...”
He couldn’t even finish his thoughts, events of the past few months playing over and over in his head, a cruel cycle that tormented his already weary soul.
“It was magic, Arthur,” Merlin told him firmly. “She was enchanted to look like a deer. You couldn’t have known...but it was not your arrow. It did not have your markings on it.”
Relief tore through him, but he shook his head in confusion, “Then who...”
The image of the princess raising her bow flashed through his mind. “She...it was her arrow.”
Merlin simply nodded. “I don’t think she knew it was Gwen either. The enchantment was strong, put there by someone powerful...”
Arthur sucked in a breath, immediately knowing who was to blame for this. “Morgana.”
Merlin said nothing, but Arthur knew he was thinking the same thing. He then remembered what Merlin had told him earlier. Gwen was trying to get to him, to Camelot...to warn them.
“What exactly did Guinevere say about Morgana and her plans?” Arthur asked quickly, his mind realizing for the first time Camelot was probably in grave danger.
Merlin shook his head, “She didn’t. She fainted before she could tell me anything.”
“Is she awake?” Arthur asked, peering at the door in front of them.
“Not yet,” Merlin sighed, “but she should be soon.”
He needed to see her. Everything in him longed to reach out to her, hold her once more. It was painful enough letting go of her after bringing her to Gaius last night. If he could have, he would have held her forever.
Standing, he took a steadying breath and walked to the door. “Merlin, gather the Knights. Let them know what has happened,” he told his friend. It was not an order, but a plea.
Merlin stood as well, nodding, “Of course.”
Gaius pointed him to Merlin’s room when he entered. The older man knowing Arthur needed to be alone with her.
Shutting the door softly behind him, Arthur turned, finally able to truly look upon her for the first time in months. His jaw tightened as he saw her lying in Merlin’s bed, her face gaunt in the candlelight. She was pale and beads of sweat still clung to her forehead. His heart ached reminding him that despite everything he still loved her. He always would.
Carefully, he took a seat at the side of the bed, his heart thumping loudly in his chest. He swallowed once, twice, trying to keep his emotions in check.
He opened his mouth, wanting to say something...everything to her, but he knew she could not hear him.
The memory of her voice echoing through his dreams when he lie unconscious from the bite of the Questing Beast sprung to his mind. Maybe...maybe she could hear him.
Reaching for her hand, he intertwined her fingers through his, bringing them to his lips. “Come back to me,” he whispered, kissing her hand. “Guinevere, I’m so sorry.”
His only response was silence, but he refused to give up hope. She had always held on to the belief that things would be okay. He would do the same.
Taking her ring from where he’d worn it on his small finger, he placed it softly in her free hand, closing her fingers around it.
It was then that he felt her fingers squeeze his and his name fall from her lips.
“Arthur...”