so sad
this has been the most horrible week for me. i've been feeling so down. i dont even really understand whats wrong. i have been having all these weird feelings concerning my husband, like what if he is cheating on me? what if he is going behind my back with someone else? i dont know if i am just imagining things or what, but its really hard on me. i have felt like such crap for the past 4 days. i have seriously just wished some big earthquake would come and swallow me up in a huge crack or something. i would rather just disappear than keep feeling this way. part of me thinks i am just a psycho for always thinking these things, but then part of me is like...maybe i think this way becuz of something he is doing behind my back, and i am having a little bit of "womans intuition". im not really sure which. but i know i love him with all my heart but im so afraid of losing him or having to share him with some other girl that its literally driving me crazy. i could hardly concentrate in class today. i can hardly sleep at night. yesterday i wrote him a letter (cuz its easier for me to write my feelings than to talk about them) and i told him all about how i felt, how i felt like i wasnt really all that pretty, and how i felt fat, and becuz i cut my hair short and maybe he likes longer hair or thinks longer hair is prettier, and just how i was afraid that even though he is MY husband, that some other girl also had his interests and affections that should only belong to me. he just hugged me and told me that i had no reason to be insecure, that there was no one else, and that i was not fat or ugly. he said he thought i was beautiful and blah blah blah...i dunno, am i just nuts??? i think i am sometimes. i get so depressed and get into these moods that i just honestly want to just crawl somewhere and die cuz i cant even face the day. i dont know how i make it through the day sometimes, pretending to be happy and smiling at everyone...when inside i feel like shit and i feel like im going outta my mind and like i just cant take feeling this way. i know, it sounds so dramatic but its the truth. i dont know how the hell i am going to get over this but i need to get over it fast. i hate feeling this way.