yesterday i started a sentence with "well, when i was a goth . . ."
hello faithful readers, all three of you. i have been doing much data entry lately but not so much updating. most of my energy is spent finding work-safe clothing that is neither too short, too casual, too low-cut, too weird, or too offensive (i.e. i cannot wear my robot penis shirt, obviously, and yet you would be surprised at the number of things i own that are actually somewhat like a robot penis, in the realm of potentially offensive clothing).
i was going to see v for vendetta tonight, despite harboring deep reservations about natalie portman* and elrond (or agent smith. whatever). but instead i spent a thrilling night cleaning hankshiny's room, because rhizosphere (aka seeta) is coming to visit. in the process, the following things were unearthed:
1. several DIFFERENT pieces of dried up, grody pasta. UNDER THE BUREAU. how, i ask you, does pasta get under the bureau? i bet he pushes them under there himself with a spoon. secretly.
2. moola. i swear, he could buy himself lunch every day with the change that falls out of his pockets.
3. this random dvd from a group called "life extension." they want to live forever, and the movie is full of video of people talking solemnly about how technology is moving towards this goal, and how it means there will never be racism or poverty again (?????????). this is hilarious. why the hell would you want to live forever? also, i think the current scientific debate on this has concluded that even if you live longer, it will just mean you will be an old person longer, thus: it would suck.
4. enormous dust bunnies. they were ready to breed and WREAK HAVOC ON THE LIVING.
5. tons of little paper holes from his hole puncher. my college roommate, kellan, used to freak out about those. i have a slight obsessive compulsive thing, so i would punch holes in all my assignments and put them in giant binders and then the little round pieces of paper would get everywhere . . . i think this led to a battle where i stomped on his toes with my boots, got my ass scraped by the radiator, and threw his beanie baby german shepherd out of the window. or maybe that was another time.
and then, when we were vacuuming and pulling the rug out from under the desk, ONE OF THE DESK LEGS CAME OFF IN hankshiny's HANDS. i cannot fucking believe it. THIS IS THE THIRD DESK WE HAVE GONE THROUGH SINCE MOVING TO DC. and he just bought this one a month ago or something. it is really broken and he keeps two computers on it, so i guess he needs another desk. when it happened i laughed inappropriately for about five minutes before realizing he was actually pissed. on the plus side, the broken leg is really badass and has nails sticking out of one end, so we have a makeshift weapon in the event of an alien/communist/terrorist invasion. also, we destroyed his window shade, so if Fuzzy Man shows his furry hobbit nakedness in his room, all the gay men in dupont circle will see.
as for america's next top model, i will only say that gina needs to enter first grade again, much like adam sandler did in that movie, and that my ankles ached in sympathy when the hapless contestants were forced to runway walk in fetish shoes. and . . . i have a story about hissing cockroaches from madagascar.
i used to take care of those for my insect professor, which usually meant feeding them. but one time, they were all dying because of a mite infestation. so i had to put on gloves so i didn't get mites, and WASH EACH COCKROACH SEPARATELY UNDER THE SINK FAUCET. the cockroaches didn't like this much. then i had to make a luxurious cockroach dirt house for them. the dead ones were really nasty. but i didn't mind this as much as the time i had to handle beetle grubs. i hate grubs. they are squishy. bugs with exoskeletons are fine. grubs sort of have that, but basically they are just pulsating squishiness. i had to make a really elaborate house for the grubs, with many layers of different special dirt. and then put the grub right in the middle, where it could pulsate and be disgusting.
i was once a goth. oh for the glorious days of my youth.
what is so great about lcd soundsystem? will someone explain this to me?
-----
*such as why she exists, and why keira knightley also exists. do we really need both of them? thanks shorterstory.
i was going to see v for vendetta tonight, despite harboring deep reservations about natalie portman* and elrond (or agent smith. whatever). but instead i spent a thrilling night cleaning hankshiny's room, because rhizosphere (aka seeta) is coming to visit. in the process, the following things were unearthed:
1. several DIFFERENT pieces of dried up, grody pasta. UNDER THE BUREAU. how, i ask you, does pasta get under the bureau? i bet he pushes them under there himself with a spoon. secretly.
2. moola. i swear, he could buy himself lunch every day with the change that falls out of his pockets.
3. this random dvd from a group called "life extension." they want to live forever, and the movie is full of video of people talking solemnly about how technology is moving towards this goal, and how it means there will never be racism or poverty again (?????????). this is hilarious. why the hell would you want to live forever? also, i think the current scientific debate on this has concluded that even if you live longer, it will just mean you will be an old person longer, thus: it would suck.
4. enormous dust bunnies. they were ready to breed and WREAK HAVOC ON THE LIVING.
5. tons of little paper holes from his hole puncher. my college roommate, kellan, used to freak out about those. i have a slight obsessive compulsive thing, so i would punch holes in all my assignments and put them in giant binders and then the little round pieces of paper would get everywhere . . . i think this led to a battle where i stomped on his toes with my boots, got my ass scraped by the radiator, and threw his beanie baby german shepherd out of the window. or maybe that was another time.
and then, when we were vacuuming and pulling the rug out from under the desk, ONE OF THE DESK LEGS CAME OFF IN hankshiny's HANDS. i cannot fucking believe it. THIS IS THE THIRD DESK WE HAVE GONE THROUGH SINCE MOVING TO DC. and he just bought this one a month ago or something. it is really broken and he keeps two computers on it, so i guess he needs another desk. when it happened i laughed inappropriately for about five minutes before realizing he was actually pissed. on the plus side, the broken leg is really badass and has nails sticking out of one end, so we have a makeshift weapon in the event of an alien/communist/terrorist invasion. also, we destroyed his window shade, so if Fuzzy Man shows his furry hobbit nakedness in his room, all the gay men in dupont circle will see.
as for america's next top model, i will only say that gina needs to enter first grade again, much like adam sandler did in that movie, and that my ankles ached in sympathy when the hapless contestants were forced to runway walk in fetish shoes. and . . . i have a story about hissing cockroaches from madagascar.
i used to take care of those for my insect professor, which usually meant feeding them. but one time, they were all dying because of a mite infestation. so i had to put on gloves so i didn't get mites, and WASH EACH COCKROACH SEPARATELY UNDER THE SINK FAUCET. the cockroaches didn't like this much. then i had to make a luxurious cockroach dirt house for them. the dead ones were really nasty. but i didn't mind this as much as the time i had to handle beetle grubs. i hate grubs. they are squishy. bugs with exoskeletons are fine. grubs sort of have that, but basically they are just pulsating squishiness. i had to make a really elaborate house for the grubs, with many layers of different special dirt. and then put the grub right in the middle, where it could pulsate and be disgusting.
i was once a goth. oh for the glorious days of my youth.
what is so great about lcd soundsystem? will someone explain this to me?
-----
*such as why she exists, and why keira knightley also exists. do we really need both of them? thanks shorterstory.