Cuz im so in love with what we were

[hookerwitapenis]

i just realized i think the reason why i party and get drunk so much is that i really have nothing better to do. if i had a boyfriend i think i would be spending so much time with him every nite and weekend that there really would not be all this time to party and be stupid. wich i would like a lot better b/c all this sneaking out and what not is really getting to me. i dunno. i wanna be a good kid hahaha im tired of that party life. i guess its a good thing that school will be starting up soon b/c i really cant go on like this. i seriously love and hate going to 82. but im only going this sunday for the hope that ryan will be going. i wish i could just give up on him but this week has been such crap and i kno once im with him it will all go away and i will be able to get away for the nite and feel like i always feel when im with him. bah but i should not be saying this b/c i kno that with my luck things wont work out and he wont end up going. and i dunno. im stuck on what i want to do tonight. there is this thing going on up in santa barbara but im not sure if i can get drunk again. just like every friday, i used to drink and party b/c it was fun. but sadly iv become very depressed and i just dont think its for all the same reasons anymore. i dunno. i needed to get that out, i guess since ihave really no one to talk to this shit about anymore is the reason why i prolly just started writing in my LJ aagain. someone call me tonight or something,i really need someone to talk to.

kortie<3