The View from the Pedestal
It's awfully
far
down
t
h
e
r
e
.
.
.
.
*tumble* *tumble* *tumble*
Owww.
Several years ago I discovered that a friend had developed an impression of Mr. Man's and my marriage that was very rosy and wonderful, and also nothing like the reality of it. Though I'd talked of the realities of our beliefs and marriage many times, I guess it never really sank in. In our friend's mind we, apparently, were the standard of the perfect marriage, an ideal, something to be aimed for. One day the proof that polyamory was more than just an abstract belief we held sat across the dining table from us. *tumble* *tumble* *tumble* owww. It proved to be a painful awakening for our friend, and we were estranged for months.
It seems it's been happening again. Another friend has revealed that they have viewed our marriage as the bellwether of good marriages, that their view of our marriage had sustained them through some really tough timees, and that they're more than a little distressed that we've been having problems. *tumble* tumble* *tumble* owww. Quit it already.
So here's the deal, folks. Believe them as you will, judge us as you will, but these are truths of our marriage.
- We do not believe that love, marriage and sex are the same things, although they really can make a nice package.
- We are polyamorous. While we aren't particularly active, both Mr. Man and I have each had relationships/lovers outside of our marriage in the past. We may in the future.
- I am bisexual.
- We fight. We fight like cats and dogs. It doesn't mean crap. Listen close. We laugh as loud as we fight. Fellow Paradise Piners will also likely tell you we love as loud as we fight.
- In "The Prophet" Gibran told us "let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you." Just because we're not joined at the hip every moment of our days (and our nights) doesn't mean we're headed for divorce court.
- We are each the other's worst critic. We are each the other's greatest cheerleader. We are partners in crime. We are each other's straight man. We are each the other's best friend.
- We do not want to be an example, a standard, an ideal or a bellwether. We will surely disappoint you. Our marriage isn't perfect. It is, however, perfect for us. Go make your own damned marriage truths.