"I love you so hard." - The ultimate SMAP pimpage post!
Ok, this is the post that should have been made a long time ago.
It’s…
SUMASUMA PIMPAGE POWER!
My primer for the amazing SMAP.
“Bzhuh, SMAP?” you say?
SMAP stands for Sports Music Assembly People and is a boygroup of Johnny’s Entertainment/Johnny & Associates.
I think the reason they’re often overlooked these days is that they have been around for a long time. As in nearly-twenty-years-long and the younger units of Johnny’s like Arashi, KAT-TUN or NEWS are simply more interesting and present to many of us.
Nothing could and should be farther from the truth, I say.
Fist off, many of you would be surprised to find out they might have unconsciously listened to a SMAP song already, seen one of the members in a dorama or a CM or seen them with your favourite Jpop star-
SMAP are everywhere, as you’ll see.
“Ok, convince me. Give me some music first.”
I think SMAP’s biggest hit would be Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana, so why don’t you start with that.
Orange is also a beautiful song, and many fans love Fly, not only thanks to the awesome video, which reminds of old-fashioned yakuza movies. It’s really too cool to miss, please check it out and write me some fanfic about it later.
Most of SMAP’s music has been and is still composed and written by professionals, but once you let them do it themselves, awesome crack like Bang Bang! Bakansu! (Bang Bang! Vacance), oresama crazy-man or Five Respect ensues.
I would also like to recommend SMAP’s 11th album Su, my personal favourite because of singles like “celery” and “dynamite”.
There is also Everybody, a collaboration with Koda Kumi, which many people think is so-so, but I like it.
Arigatou is SMAP’s latest single, having been released almost a year ago, October 10th 2006.
And just because I love them:
Dear Woman and
Smac
Triangle
There is this awesome rumour saying that Nakai and Koda Kumi have become a couple after the record, but the a suspiciously similar rumour has spread after Shingo has accompanied her to one of her tour dates singing in that song and again when Tsuyoshi dressed up as her and really it’s all because Koda Kumi is a bit of a ****.
“You’re giving me all these recommendations, but I’ve heard that SMAP are a crap band!”
I honestly believe that a) it’s not only the music that makes us love Johnny’s boys, and even if you don’t like their music so much you might still love them because they can do anything. Really, they can. B) I really think they can sing! It’s boyband pop after all, so even if I’m stepping on someone’s toes here, if you like NEWS and the like I don’t really see why you can’t show SMAP some love.
Ok, they’re all in their mid-thirties. So what? Johnny Depp’s past that.
If I had to be completely honest some people might be weirded out by SMAP’s awesome off-sync dancing and their live qualities, but they still pull it off even though they have a lot of young and handsome competition.
They’re still featured in a lot of magazines like AnAn and Potato , there’s still SMAP love!
From personal experience I’d say once you fall for SMAP, you fall rather hard. Maybe it’s a fan thing.
“They’re everywhere? What do you mean, everywhere?”
For starters, you can see all SMAP members twice a week on Japanese television, either on SmapxSmap (also called SumaSuma by many), their firmly established variety show, or on SataSuma, the weekend edition which is more slapstick orientated.
Every member except Takuya has his own show, too.
Goro has a late night “talk show”, Nakai co-hosts Utaban which you might have heard of, Shingo is trying to teach his viewers English in “SmaStation” and Tsuyoshi has a program that deals with Korean topics.
Every member has also appeared in a number of dorama and movies, some of the internationally acclaimed, some… not.
They even have their own drink!
Besides all of that, SMAP still make music and tour, their last album release was “Pop Up! SMAP” in 2006.
Like every other celebrity in Japan, they have also starred in a vast number of commercials.
Just check out the awesomely sexy ad for ANA. Nnnngh.
Or d’you prefer something for the heart?
This is a nice fanvid. Many pictures.
“But who are SMAP?”
Ah, the members. Ah~. Either you’re gonna find your personal favourite or you’re gonna love them all as they’re all quite different from each other.
SMAP originally consisted of 6 members, with the sixth one being Masayuki Mori. He left in 1996, though, so that to a lot of us he is nothing but a shadow.
Nakai Masahiro - “The Eldest”
Yes, well, Nakai is the oldest member of SMAP and therefore has the role of the “big brother”, which he filled brilliantly in the early days when the band wasn’t as successful. He stuck up for his boys quite a lot, thinking of many methods to promote them until they made it, which I think is really sweet.
Other than that you can’t really imagine him in that role, because he is neither the most serious (that would be Goro *lol*) nor the most considerate sometimes (there is this incident on the show “Utaban”, which he co-hosts, where he makes a comment that makes the guest, musician Hiroko Shimabukuro, cry).
His humour is a bit sharp to Japanese people sometimes, it’s definitely more of a “western” type of humour, so to say.
Nakai is short, too!
He has often said that his height in weight makes him insecure, because at 165cm and 54kg, he makes a great girl, but thinks he’s not “manly” enough.
He has also publicly declared that he can’t sing, and really?
He can’t. I can try to be as friendly as I want to, it’s the truth.
Just watch this vid of Nakai singing “love me tender” by Elvis.
Because of this, Nakai has become the “speaker” of the group, hosting rather than participating, which has earned him the title of Japan’s most wanted TV show host.
Nakai has also recently been said to be Japan’s biggest tax payer in the entertainment business.
Nakai can often be seen sporting a hat or a beanie, which he really shouldn’t do if he wants to look manly, to me it just makes him so much more cuddly. XD
He may be a terrible singer, but Nakai is a great and really intense actor who has won television academy awards for quite a few of his dorama.
Deservedly.
Oh, and Nakai’s JRA ads are love. Featuring horses. And Nakai.
Nice Nakai fanvid!
Kimura Takuya - “The sexy one”
Takuya, or Kimutaku, how some fans and reporters call him (he hates that and I can only sympathise, it sounds dumb after all xD), has been labelled the sexy one and well… that’s what he is.
Rumour has it that his performance as main character in the dorama “Asunaro Hakusho” has helped SMAP’s popularity skyrocket, and knowing Japanese fangirls, it might certainly be true.
On the other hand though, Takuya might just have many fans because he’s disgustingly talented.
If you see him on SmapxSmap there is nothing he couldn’t do.
He has good looks, is awesome with kids, has an awe-inspiring laugh and a personality that still seems fresh and uncomplicated, the guy everyone might fall for.
Plus many people adore the hair. Takuya kept it long most of the time. I like the short do better, but oh well, his long hair has made him the face of Gatsby hair products for years. Plus, check the latest gatsby CMs to find out why these days I start drooling upon seing deodorant.
Where the catch is?
Takuya is SMAP’s only married member!
He’s been married for 6 years I believe, to idol Shizuka Kudo who in my opinion is a so-so singer and a so-so actress, but it has to be love since they have 2 children.
The other SMAP members, save for Goro, seem to think the same way I do, though, because they have never really said anything about Shizuka.
As I already said, Takuya’s dorama are very successful, but I think he’s even better with movies, as one of them, “2046” in 2004, has been featured at Cannes festival to critical acclaim. He went there again 2007, but I don’t know what for.
Takuya is SMAP’s main vocalist because he’s got the best voice, even though he too, could do better live.
Watchthis CM. It feels very “Takuya” to me, cheeky and refreshing.
Takuya is also often quoted saying how much he loves guitar playing, he is often seen with one in SMAP’s videos. I don’t really know why the focus is on that so much since Nakai plays piano (and even though he thinks it’s shit, its actually pretty damn great).
People should rather take note of the fact that even though Takuya is married, he is also awesomely gay with anyone and everyone, but more of that later.
Kusanagi Tsuyoshi - “The quiet one”
Actually, I don’t think Tsuyopon (that’s how we call him!) is the quiet one (again, Goro!), but Shingo already holds the title of the cute one. I’d say he’s the calm one.
I love TsuTsu (that’s how I call him!) dearly, but he’s often overlooked, sadly, because while people fight over whom they like better, Tsuyoshi often sits on the sideline with a cup of tea and watches, probably.
He just doesn’t stand out that much.
He is a great singer that often gets to sing the counterparts to Takuya or Goro or even main vocal (Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana), and his looks are great O_o Some people say his face looks a bit pointy, but the gentle smile!!! jkefhkglhoh.
Tsuyoshi is a very good actor, probably because he stars in roles that fit him so well. Even though it’s him and undoubtedly him you see on screen (not like Shingo, who can make himself nearly unrecognisable), he’s always very much in character. Some of his films though, especially those which have made it to Europe and the USA, are terrible, just terrible.
Take cheap horror like “Seance” or the drama “Nihon chibotsu”, argh.
Tsuyoshi is greatly interested in Korea. He is fluent in Hangeul, has released a single in Korea as his alter ego Chonan Kan (which is his name spelt in Hangeul even though I have yet to figure out how that works), has his Korea-centered talkshow and hey, loves to eat kimchi.
Tsuyoshi also likes to try his English out on their innocent (*snort*) western guests on SmapxSmap. He is such a fanboy, too! Just watch the BistroSmap part of SumaSuma with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Flirty, I’m telling you.
Tsuyoshi always wore his hair long (which looked pretty damn dumb to me, tbh), but when he suddenly lost it all and went for the short do in 2004/2005 and kept it a lot of people suspected sudden hair loss. Well, I won’t complain.
He loves a good laugh and has once been quoted saying that it is a fortune to have a good friend like Shingo.
Tsuyopon and Shingo are awesome together! They often appear in magazine articles together, where they obviously can’t decide who’s more awesome than the other. Kawaii ne~
Tsuyoshi’s CMs turn me into a puddle of goo. His earlier CMs (One! Two! San! Hai! xD) were often funny, but now they suit his image much better.
Just check how he pulls off a dignified Kentucky Fried Chicken CM. YES there is such a thing!
If you’ve seen this ad and wonder why he hasn’t got 500 kids from 120 different women already, it’s probably because he has a really weird fixation on his mother, being caught saying that “his girlfriend should be like his mother”. Somehow I doubt that Catherine Zeta-Jones is a lot like his mother. Hm.
Inagaki Goro - “The serious one”
Asked after my fav SMAP member, I would always answer Goro even though I really love all of them equally.
Inagaki Goro is SMAP’s serious guy/mysterious member/asshole, and still, or because of this, he has many fans.
Goro has been labelled the quiet and serious one because that’s hat he seems to be, he talks little and doesn’t smile unless forced to. Finding a photo of him without his band members where he is smiling is very difficult.
People often see him in a negative light because of what he has been in the tabloids for.
Before SMAP became famous, rumour was that Johnny Kitagawa, founder of Johnny & Associates, had been intimate with Goro. (…)
Goro has been photographed with many different women he picked up in bars and cheated on his girlfriend with, he has admitted his drinking problem and has received a 6 months suspension in 2001 for a hit and run incident, in which he spotted a police woman about to give him a ticket, got into the car and drove away, hurting her.
I like the mysterious air about Goro very much.
In SMAP’s early days used to be a cheerful little boy, I dunno what happened to that, really, but I still like him.
Goro is a great singer, even though his voice sounds a bit girly, a terrible dancer and SMAP’s best cook.
Some people might have gotten bored with him because despite the scandals, nothing ever seem to change about Goro. He’s been sporting the same hairdo ever since 1992. (ok, with minor variations) These days he’s growing it awesomely long, but still. Somehow it always manages to stay the Goro-hair.
He has starred in many dorama, almost as many as Takuya, and while really love most of them (you might have heard of Hypnosis, which also stars his girlfriend Kano Miho, that one is unfortunately the kinda crap Asia-horror none of us really wants to see anymore), Goro isn’t the best actor ever.
Let’s just say there’s stuff Goro should and shouldn’t do besides running over policewomen.
While I was wailing my eyes out at his performance in the dorama “Asuka e, soshite mada mino ko e” I think he really should keep his hands off comedic roles.
He is a big comedy fan and has mentioned this fact to almost every single BistroSMAP guest since 2003, but Goro can’t do comedy. He just isn’t funny, because someone who looks either meh or terribly stressed out 90% of his time (if you watch him closely, he does that blinky/eye-rolly thing a lot of the time that either suggests he is irritated or has a problem with his eyesight) just isn’t the kind of person you would want to see in a comedy. Thus, Goro gets cast for many horror dorama xD.
Those of you who watched Hana Kimi might have seen him in ep. 9, where he guest-starred.
If you want to check out funny Goro, you might want to check out this and this CM and see if they make you laugh.
Maybe it's just me.
Katori Shingo - “The cute one”
Katori Shingo is SMAP’s chameleon and also the best example for what you can get away with if your face doesn’t match the shit that comes out of your mouth.
You will immediately recognise him out of the SMAP bunch, because despite his natural haircolour being brown, Shingo colours it blond most of the time.
I believe that many of you might have seen Shingo already because he is theweirdguyinthepinkfrillydressomgwhosangthatwhacksongomg.
What you saw was actually one of Shingo’s characters, Shingo Mama.
Shingo Mama appears on SataSMA and is your not so average housewife giving you not so average guidance how to raise your kids.
In sumasuma Shingo plays the role of Nikko-san, who visits celebrities to give them the make-up they request. Well, kinda. Her trademark phrase is “DONDAKE!~”
Watch her in action.
In both roles you can witness his biting humour. In all honesty, sometimes Shingo makes Nakai I-make-people-cry-on-national-television Masahiro look like a puppy.
Many people don’t like Shingo because they don’t take his jokes too well and many people forgive because his face is too cute.
Maybe the strange humour is also what’s gotten Nakai and Shingo so close.
Shingo Mama is a lot like the real Shingo. Just listen to what he says before the video to his single “Shingo Mama no Oha Rock~”, that is actually very much a thing Shingo would say, too. And then watch the entire video because it’s awesome retardation and JAMES BROWN IS IN IT.
If you like this song a LOT now, why not watch the fanmade vid that links it to a coreography on Dancing with the Stars. XDDD ?
The video for Shingo Mama no Gakuen Tengoku is even worse. LOL. It features a lot more people, just as many colours as the other vid and Shingo’s short outburst of his undying love for Goro xD
Another person who has never gotten friends with Shingo is Gackt, who, after being a guest on SataSMA (or was it Doumoto Kyoudai?) and being a victim of Shingo Mama’s kissy attack, said he felt intimidated.
I don't see why XDD
But then again, I think Gackt isn’t the funniest person himself, so :p
Shingo is, in my opinion, SMAP’s best actor even though he has done the least of TV work out of all of them. He is just very versatile.
Shingo can’t keep his tongue in check. If he doesn’t like you, he’ll tell you immediately. He’s held a grudge against Goro for years (now that they’ve made up he’s oftentimes glued to him, though) and has allegedly said some icky stuff about Taku-san’s wife, too.
Mayonnaise is known as Shingo’s favourite food. He drinks it straight out of the bottle and has of course appeared in CMs for it, too, while one of Shingo Mama’s regular phrases is “Mayo! Mayo! Chu chu!” (Mayo Mayo, kiss kiss)
I’m guessing he’ll die of artery failure within the next 20 years.
Shingo is a big fan of the English language. His show SmaSTATION tries to teach people how to speak it and he is well-informed about English-speaking countries.
He has dedicated a whole show to ridiculing George W. Bush.
Weirdly enough I have heard Shingo speak English only once, and it isn’t good. Compared to the other SMAP members it’s even depressingly bad, because even though Takuya doesn’t speak much English, if he does it’s nearly accent-free (Takuya-san can do everything, remember?), Goro speaks a lot of English for fun and Tsuyoshi is a lot easier to understand than him.
Leaves only Nakai, who is… well, Nakai.
And now, the thing you’ve all been waiting for, the thing that is true for every single of Johnny’s bands…
THE SLASH WRITES ITSELF! xD
I give you… Teh GAY! XD
Vid of Shingo and Nakai being cuddly
And with this my SMAP primer comes to an end!
Tell me what you think!
Thanks and credit to megchan for the original Shingo Mama no Gakuen Tengoku PV upload and to everyone else whose pics I nabbed!
If you're a real crack and spot any inaccuracies, gomen! Just tell me so.
...and yes, I'm absolutely aware of the insane number of times I've said the word "awesome" in this post.
It’s…
SUMASUMA PIMPAGE POWER!
My primer for the amazing SMAP.
“Bzhuh, SMAP?” you say?
SMAP stands for Sports Music Assembly People and is a boygroup of Johnny’s Entertainment/Johnny & Associates.
I think the reason they’re often overlooked these days is that they have been around for a long time. As in nearly-twenty-years-long and the younger units of Johnny’s like Arashi, KAT-TUN or NEWS are simply more interesting and present to many of us.
Nothing could and should be farther from the truth, I say.
Fist off, many of you would be surprised to find out they might have unconsciously listened to a SMAP song already, seen one of the members in a dorama or a CM or seen them with your favourite Jpop star-
SMAP are everywhere, as you’ll see.
“Ok, convince me. Give me some music first.”
I think SMAP’s biggest hit would be Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana, so why don’t you start with that.
Orange is also a beautiful song, and many fans love Fly, not only thanks to the awesome video, which reminds of old-fashioned yakuza movies. It’s really too cool to miss, please check it out and write me some fanfic about it later.
Most of SMAP’s music has been and is still composed and written by professionals, but once you let them do it themselves, awesome crack like Bang Bang! Bakansu! (Bang Bang! Vacance), oresama crazy-man or Five Respect ensues.
I would also like to recommend SMAP’s 11th album Su, my personal favourite because of singles like “celery” and “dynamite”.
There is also Everybody, a collaboration with Koda Kumi, which many people think is so-so, but I like it.
Arigatou is SMAP’s latest single, having been released almost a year ago, October 10th 2006.
And just because I love them:
Dear Woman and
Smac
Triangle
There is this awesome rumour saying that Nakai and Koda Kumi have become a couple after the record, but the a suspiciously similar rumour has spread after Shingo has accompanied her to one of her tour dates singing in that song and again when Tsuyoshi dressed up as her and really it’s all because Koda Kumi is a bit of a ****.
“You’re giving me all these recommendations, but I’ve heard that SMAP are a crap band!”
I honestly believe that a) it’s not only the music that makes us love Johnny’s boys, and even if you don’t like their music so much you might still love them because they can do anything. Really, they can. B) I really think they can sing! It’s boyband pop after all, so even if I’m stepping on someone’s toes here, if you like NEWS and the like I don’t really see why you can’t show SMAP some love.
Ok, they’re all in their mid-thirties. So what? Johnny Depp’s past that.
If I had to be completely honest some people might be weirded out by SMAP’s awesome off-sync dancing and their live qualities, but they still pull it off even though they have a lot of young and handsome competition.
They’re still featured in a lot of magazines like AnAn and Potato , there’s still SMAP love!
From personal experience I’d say once you fall for SMAP, you fall rather hard. Maybe it’s a fan thing.
“They’re everywhere? What do you mean, everywhere?”
For starters, you can see all SMAP members twice a week on Japanese television, either on SmapxSmap (also called SumaSuma by many), their firmly established variety show, or on SataSuma, the weekend edition which is more slapstick orientated.
Every member except Takuya has his own show, too.
Goro has a late night “talk show”, Nakai co-hosts Utaban which you might have heard of, Shingo is trying to teach his viewers English in “SmaStation” and Tsuyoshi has a program that deals with Korean topics.
Every member has also appeared in a number of dorama and movies, some of the internationally acclaimed, some… not.
They even have their own drink!
Besides all of that, SMAP still make music and tour, their last album release was “Pop Up! SMAP” in 2006.
Like every other celebrity in Japan, they have also starred in a vast number of commercials.
Just check out the awesomely sexy ad for ANA. Nnnngh.
Or d’you prefer something for the heart?
This is a nice fanvid. Many pictures.
“But who are SMAP?”
Ah, the members. Ah~. Either you’re gonna find your personal favourite or you’re gonna love them all as they’re all quite different from each other.
SMAP originally consisted of 6 members, with the sixth one being Masayuki Mori. He left in 1996, though, so that to a lot of us he is nothing but a shadow.
Nakai Masahiro - “The Eldest”
Yes, well, Nakai is the oldest member of SMAP and therefore has the role of the “big brother”, which he filled brilliantly in the early days when the band wasn’t as successful. He stuck up for his boys quite a lot, thinking of many methods to promote them until they made it, which I think is really sweet.
Other than that you can’t really imagine him in that role, because he is neither the most serious (that would be Goro *lol*) nor the most considerate sometimes (there is this incident on the show “Utaban”, which he co-hosts, where he makes a comment that makes the guest, musician Hiroko Shimabukuro, cry).
His humour is a bit sharp to Japanese people sometimes, it’s definitely more of a “western” type of humour, so to say.
Nakai is short, too!
He has often said that his height in weight makes him insecure, because at 165cm and 54kg, he makes a great girl, but thinks he’s not “manly” enough.
He has also publicly declared that he can’t sing, and really?
He can’t. I can try to be as friendly as I want to, it’s the truth.
Just watch this vid of Nakai singing “love me tender” by Elvis.
Because of this, Nakai has become the “speaker” of the group, hosting rather than participating, which has earned him the title of Japan’s most wanted TV show host.
Nakai has also recently been said to be Japan’s biggest tax payer in the entertainment business.
Nakai can often be seen sporting a hat or a beanie, which he really shouldn’t do if he wants to look manly, to me it just makes him so much more cuddly. XD
He may be a terrible singer, but Nakai is a great and really intense actor who has won television academy awards for quite a few of his dorama.
Deservedly.
Oh, and Nakai’s JRA ads are love. Featuring horses. And Nakai.
Nice Nakai fanvid!
Kimura Takuya - “The sexy one”
Takuya, or Kimutaku, how some fans and reporters call him (he hates that and I can only sympathise, it sounds dumb after all xD), has been labelled the sexy one and well… that’s what he is.
Rumour has it that his performance as main character in the dorama “Asunaro Hakusho” has helped SMAP’s popularity skyrocket, and knowing Japanese fangirls, it might certainly be true.
On the other hand though, Takuya might just have many fans because he’s disgustingly talented.
If you see him on SmapxSmap there is nothing he couldn’t do.
He has good looks, is awesome with kids, has an awe-inspiring laugh and a personality that still seems fresh and uncomplicated, the guy everyone might fall for.
Plus many people adore the hair. Takuya kept it long most of the time. I like the short do better, but oh well, his long hair has made him the face of Gatsby hair products for years. Plus, check the latest gatsby CMs to find out why these days I start drooling upon seing deodorant.
Where the catch is?
Takuya is SMAP’s only married member!
He’s been married for 6 years I believe, to idol Shizuka Kudo who in my opinion is a so-so singer and a so-so actress, but it has to be love since they have 2 children.
The other SMAP members, save for Goro, seem to think the same way I do, though, because they have never really said anything about Shizuka.
As I already said, Takuya’s dorama are very successful, but I think he’s even better with movies, as one of them, “2046” in 2004, has been featured at Cannes festival to critical acclaim. He went there again 2007, but I don’t know what for.
Takuya is SMAP’s main vocalist because he’s got the best voice, even though he too, could do better live.
Watchthis CM. It feels very “Takuya” to me, cheeky and refreshing.
Takuya is also often quoted saying how much he loves guitar playing, he is often seen with one in SMAP’s videos. I don’t really know why the focus is on that so much since Nakai plays piano (and even though he thinks it’s shit, its actually pretty damn great).
People should rather take note of the fact that even though Takuya is married, he is also awesomely gay with anyone and everyone, but more of that later.
Kusanagi Tsuyoshi - “The quiet one”
Actually, I don’t think Tsuyopon (that’s how we call him!) is the quiet one (again, Goro!), but Shingo already holds the title of the cute one. I’d say he’s the calm one.
I love TsuTsu (that’s how I call him!) dearly, but he’s often overlooked, sadly, because while people fight over whom they like better, Tsuyoshi often sits on the sideline with a cup of tea and watches, probably.
He just doesn’t stand out that much.
He is a great singer that often gets to sing the counterparts to Takuya or Goro or even main vocal (Sekai ni hitotsu dake no hana), and his looks are great O_o Some people say his face looks a bit pointy, but the gentle smile!!! jkefhkglhoh.
Tsuyoshi is a very good actor, probably because he stars in roles that fit him so well. Even though it’s him and undoubtedly him you see on screen (not like Shingo, who can make himself nearly unrecognisable), he’s always very much in character. Some of his films though, especially those which have made it to Europe and the USA, are terrible, just terrible.
Take cheap horror like “Seance” or the drama “Nihon chibotsu”, argh.
Tsuyoshi is greatly interested in Korea. He is fluent in Hangeul, has released a single in Korea as his alter ego Chonan Kan (which is his name spelt in Hangeul even though I have yet to figure out how that works), has his Korea-centered talkshow and hey, loves to eat kimchi.
Tsuyoshi also likes to try his English out on their innocent (*snort*) western guests on SmapxSmap. He is such a fanboy, too! Just watch the BistroSmap part of SumaSuma with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Flirty, I’m telling you.
Tsuyoshi always wore his hair long (which looked pretty damn dumb to me, tbh), but when he suddenly lost it all and went for the short do in 2004/2005 and kept it a lot of people suspected sudden hair loss. Well, I won’t complain.
He loves a good laugh and has once been quoted saying that it is a fortune to have a good friend like Shingo.
Tsuyopon and Shingo are awesome together! They often appear in magazine articles together, where they obviously can’t decide who’s more awesome than the other. Kawaii ne~
Tsuyoshi’s CMs turn me into a puddle of goo. His earlier CMs (One! Two! San! Hai! xD) were often funny, but now they suit his image much better.
Just check how he pulls off a dignified Kentucky Fried Chicken CM. YES there is such a thing!
If you’ve seen this ad and wonder why he hasn’t got 500 kids from 120 different women already, it’s probably because he has a really weird fixation on his mother, being caught saying that “his girlfriend should be like his mother”. Somehow I doubt that Catherine Zeta-Jones is a lot like his mother. Hm.
Inagaki Goro - “The serious one”
Asked after my fav SMAP member, I would always answer Goro even though I really love all of them equally.
Inagaki Goro is SMAP’s serious guy/mysterious member/asshole, and still, or because of this, he has many fans.
Goro has been labelled the quiet and serious one because that’s hat he seems to be, he talks little and doesn’t smile unless forced to. Finding a photo of him without his band members where he is smiling is very difficult.
People often see him in a negative light because of what he has been in the tabloids for.
Before SMAP became famous, rumour was that Johnny Kitagawa, founder of Johnny & Associates, had been intimate with Goro. (…)
Goro has been photographed with many different women he picked up in bars and cheated on his girlfriend with, he has admitted his drinking problem and has received a 6 months suspension in 2001 for a hit and run incident, in which he spotted a police woman about to give him a ticket, got into the car and drove away, hurting her.
I like the mysterious air about Goro very much.
In SMAP’s early days used to be a cheerful little boy, I dunno what happened to that, really, but I still like him.
Goro is a great singer, even though his voice sounds a bit girly, a terrible dancer and SMAP’s best cook.
Some people might have gotten bored with him because despite the scandals, nothing ever seem to change about Goro. He’s been sporting the same hairdo ever since 1992. (ok, with minor variations) These days he’s growing it awesomely long, but still. Somehow it always manages to stay the Goro-hair.
He has starred in many dorama, almost as many as Takuya, and while really love most of them (you might have heard of Hypnosis, which also stars his girlfriend Kano Miho, that one is unfortunately the kinda crap Asia-horror none of us really wants to see anymore), Goro isn’t the best actor ever.
Let’s just say there’s stuff Goro should and shouldn’t do besides running over policewomen.
While I was wailing my eyes out at his performance in the dorama “Asuka e, soshite mada mino ko e” I think he really should keep his hands off comedic roles.
He is a big comedy fan and has mentioned this fact to almost every single BistroSMAP guest since 2003, but Goro can’t do comedy. He just isn’t funny, because someone who looks either meh or terribly stressed out 90% of his time (if you watch him closely, he does that blinky/eye-rolly thing a lot of the time that either suggests he is irritated or has a problem with his eyesight) just isn’t the kind of person you would want to see in a comedy. Thus, Goro gets cast for many horror dorama xD.
Those of you who watched Hana Kimi might have seen him in ep. 9, where he guest-starred.
If you want to check out funny Goro, you might want to check out this and this CM and see if they make you laugh.
Maybe it's just me.
Katori Shingo - “The cute one”
Katori Shingo is SMAP’s chameleon and also the best example for what you can get away with if your face doesn’t match the shit that comes out of your mouth.
You will immediately recognise him out of the SMAP bunch, because despite his natural haircolour being brown, Shingo colours it blond most of the time.
I believe that many of you might have seen Shingo already because he is theweirdguyinthepinkfrillydressomgwhosangthatwhacksongomg.
What you saw was actually one of Shingo’s characters, Shingo Mama.
Shingo Mama appears on SataSMA and is your not so average housewife giving you not so average guidance how to raise your kids.
In sumasuma Shingo plays the role of Nikko-san, who visits celebrities to give them the make-up they request. Well, kinda. Her trademark phrase is “DONDAKE!~”
Watch her in action.
In both roles you can witness his biting humour. In all honesty, sometimes Shingo makes Nakai I-make-people-cry-on-national-television Masahiro look like a puppy.
Many people don’t like Shingo because they don’t take his jokes too well and many people forgive because his face is too cute.
Maybe the strange humour is also what’s gotten Nakai and Shingo so close.
Shingo Mama is a lot like the real Shingo. Just listen to what he says before the video to his single “Shingo Mama no Oha Rock~”, that is actually very much a thing Shingo would say, too. And then watch the entire video because it’s awesome retardation and JAMES BROWN IS IN IT.
If you like this song a LOT now, why not watch the fanmade vid that links it to a coreography on Dancing with the Stars. XDDD ?
The video for Shingo Mama no Gakuen Tengoku is even worse. LOL. It features a lot more people, just as many colours as the other vid and Shingo’s short outburst of his undying love for Goro xD
Another person who has never gotten friends with Shingo is Gackt, who, after being a guest on SataSMA (or was it Doumoto Kyoudai?) and being a victim of Shingo Mama’s kissy attack, said he felt intimidated.
I don't see why XDD
But then again, I think Gackt isn’t the funniest person himself, so :p
Shingo is, in my opinion, SMAP’s best actor even though he has done the least of TV work out of all of them. He is just very versatile.
Shingo can’t keep his tongue in check. If he doesn’t like you, he’ll tell you immediately. He’s held a grudge against Goro for years (now that they’ve made up he’s oftentimes glued to him, though) and has allegedly said some icky stuff about Taku-san’s wife, too.
Mayonnaise is known as Shingo’s favourite food. He drinks it straight out of the bottle and has of course appeared in CMs for it, too, while one of Shingo Mama’s regular phrases is “Mayo! Mayo! Chu chu!” (Mayo Mayo, kiss kiss)
I’m guessing he’ll die of artery failure within the next 20 years.
Shingo is a big fan of the English language. His show SmaSTATION tries to teach people how to speak it and he is well-informed about English-speaking countries.
He has dedicated a whole show to ridiculing George W. Bush.
Weirdly enough I have heard Shingo speak English only once, and it isn’t good. Compared to the other SMAP members it’s even depressingly bad, because even though Takuya doesn’t speak much English, if he does it’s nearly accent-free (Takuya-san can do everything, remember?), Goro speaks a lot of English for fun and Tsuyoshi is a lot easier to understand than him.
Leaves only Nakai, who is… well, Nakai.
And now, the thing you’ve all been waiting for, the thing that is true for every single of Johnny’s bands…
THE SLASH WRITES ITSELF! xD
I give you… Teh GAY! XD
Vid of Shingo and Nakai being cuddly
And with this my SMAP primer comes to an end!
Tell me what you think!
Thanks and credit to megchan for the original Shingo Mama no Gakuen Tengoku PV upload and to everyone else whose pics I nabbed!
If you're a real crack and spot any inaccuracies, gomen! Just tell me so.
...and yes, I'm absolutely aware of the insane number of times I've said the word "awesome" in this post.