j.
dreamt about j.
i dream about her often. it's not so much the context of the dreams that is bothersome as is her infiltration of my thoughts.
i was standing in verrazzano traffic on my way to class, breathed in and out, dialed her #.
[our relationship at the time was strained (on my side) by her inexplicable decision not to invite me to her wedding, and even more so by her lack of communication about it. while she was in thailand on her honeymoon i left a voicemail wishing her and him a happy life together and asking her to call me back. she called me back saying thank you, "there's so much i need to tell you!"
prior to that i have not heard from her in many months. one day she asked me out to lunch and didn't mention she was engaged until my outright comment on the ring on her finger.]
and so i called her. she picked up, we talked about nothing for a bit and then she said she had a patient to attend to and will call me back later that afternoon. that was more than 4 years ago.
in our decades of friendship there was a single instance when i thought we wouldn't make it. it wasn't until this.very.moment of re-reading my righteous 20s drama entry that her uncommunicative behavior patterns dawned on me. post-montreal was a time when i was most infuriated but the lows of our relationship since high school revolved around her lack of communication and my torrid affair with choosing history and the instant gratification of her presence over guarding my emotional well being.
i think about her all the time and i stalk her on the internet. her husband is a hedge fund manager. she's lives in greenwich, ct. she's had two children and is pregnant with her third. it's highly likely that we having nothing left in common.
the lack of closure is what is most difficult. i need a reason. from "i'll call you later today!" to nothing is a complete mindfuck. sometimes i think about getting in touch with her but i wouldn't know where to begin and pride gnaws away.
i miss her a lot.
i dream about her often. it's not so much the context of the dreams that is bothersome as is her infiltration of my thoughts.
i was standing in verrazzano traffic on my way to class, breathed in and out, dialed her #.
[our relationship at the time was strained (on my side) by her inexplicable decision not to invite me to her wedding, and even more so by her lack of communication about it. while she was in thailand on her honeymoon i left a voicemail wishing her and him a happy life together and asking her to call me back. she called me back saying thank you, "there's so much i need to tell you!"
prior to that i have not heard from her in many months. one day she asked me out to lunch and didn't mention she was engaged until my outright comment on the ring on her finger.]
and so i called her. she picked up, we talked about nothing for a bit and then she said she had a patient to attend to and will call me back later that afternoon. that was more than 4 years ago.
in our decades of friendship there was a single instance when i thought we wouldn't make it. it wasn't until this.very.moment of re-reading my righteous 20s drama entry that her uncommunicative behavior patterns dawned on me. post-montreal was a time when i was most infuriated but the lows of our relationship since high school revolved around her lack of communication and my torrid affair with choosing history and the instant gratification of her presence over guarding my emotional well being.
i think about her all the time and i stalk her on the internet. her husband is a hedge fund manager. she's lives in greenwich, ct. she's had two children and is pregnant with her third. it's highly likely that we having nothing left in common.
the lack of closure is what is most difficult. i need a reason. from "i'll call you later today!" to nothing is a complete mindfuck. sometimes i think about getting in touch with her but i wouldn't know where to begin and pride gnaws away.
i miss her a lot.