hearts are beautiful when dressed in garlic
Some say blood, some rust, but none are as red as me.
I discovered recently I have a fear of the ocean - especially at night. Its abysmal, incalculable depth. The ocean feels hungry to me even on calm days. Some absurd fish I am. Like the tides want to uncover me, consume me and leave the bones. I think I equate death with the ocean. Not death the way I like to think of it/experience it, but soul-less death. Dispersed into thousands of disconnected particles instead of remaining a whole, sentient being.
Or maybe it's the vastness of the ocean that bothers me. My ignorance seeing itself in the reflection of the expansive. I had a dream once I was submerged in it. Below me was darkness and above me light. I struggled upward until I broke the surface and it was at that moment when I woke. I felt calm after that dream, as if in it I had been protected. I wish I could feel that way again.
I miss being younger. Days when I would experiment openly with meditation and energy. Now, though I still meditate etc., I feel cheesy and apologetic for even bringing it up. Since my initial run-in with "New Age" metaphysics I've been reluctant to talk about it with people - less someone associate me with those cracked-up hippies and their meaningless spiritual jargon. As far back as I can remember I've had experiences which nurture a belief in my own consciousness and spiritual constitution. I wish I could incorporate what I learned from those experiences better into my adult life - and I don't mean simply enrolling in a fucking Tai Chi/Yoga class either (though I probably will).
I discovered recently I have a fear of the ocean - especially at night. Its abysmal, incalculable depth. The ocean feels hungry to me even on calm days. Some absurd fish I am. Like the tides want to uncover me, consume me and leave the bones. I think I equate death with the ocean. Not death the way I like to think of it/experience it, but soul-less death. Dispersed into thousands of disconnected particles instead of remaining a whole, sentient being.
Or maybe it's the vastness of the ocean that bothers me. My ignorance seeing itself in the reflection of the expansive. I had a dream once I was submerged in it. Below me was darkness and above me light. I struggled upward until I broke the surface and it was at that moment when I woke. I felt calm after that dream, as if in it I had been protected. I wish I could feel that way again.
I miss being younger. Days when I would experiment openly with meditation and energy. Now, though I still meditate etc., I feel cheesy and apologetic for even bringing it up. Since my initial run-in with "New Age" metaphysics I've been reluctant to talk about it with people - less someone associate me with those cracked-up hippies and their meaningless spiritual jargon. As far back as I can remember I've had experiences which nurture a belief in my own consciousness and spiritual constitution. I wish I could incorporate what I learned from those experiences better into my adult life - and I don't mean simply enrolling in a fucking Tai Chi/Yoga class either (though I probably will).