just one of them days
so, finally got my period. of course now i feel like complete shit and have thusly been laid up all damn day. well... that was mainly a choice. i totally could have gone out and done things but ya know that just didnt sound like a very good idea. i think im going through a phase where my body chemistry is changing. needless to say things feel different than they used to and im not all about it. i was in this semi-funk all weekend long because i knew that my period was on its way, which is never fun but it also was making me nauseous and tired. Ryan could totally tell that i wasnt feeling very well, but i didnt want to freak him out by saying 'oh yeah, by the way my period is a couple of days late' when it really wasnt late enough to cause worry. but now its causing me pain. so theres that story.
spent the weekend in SLO with Ryan. we inadvertently did a lot of really fun things... things that we both really enjoy to do on our own time and hadnt really found anyone else who enjoyed said things... like one night we were chilling at a coffee house for a bit when this really amazing folk group started playing. it was incredible. the music was great... Ryan and i have always been able to connect through music... its the medium in which we finally started to communicate how we really felt to each other so i think that itll always be a big part of our relationship. and then the next day we just randomly went on a drive up the 1 blasting good music, talking, singing along... so much fun. we stopped at this cool little beach to watch kite boarders and smoke a j... there were all these seals hanging out on the beach and it was all secluded and pristine. just great. plus all the snuggling in his bed was fabulous. one night i started feeling really sick and he took care of me. made sure i was comfy and just held me and rubbed my head (i loooove that), and i ended up falling asleep right there. wow... i just dont even know sometimes how this all ended up working out. i knew in my heart that he and i werent through yet... hence why i couldnt get over the damn boy. the craziest part is that i feel like we've been together for so long. i know i keep saying that to like everyone but its true. its the most shocking yet comforting feeling ive had. and i was thinking today about how Ryan has all these qualities (recently noticed) that my other Significants had and now a lot of them are all wrapped up in him. thats comforting too. i wish i could completely trust him. i can believe the things that he tells me now... i can trust him to be honest with me and to love me... but i cant trust him enough to really put my heart in his hands. im already in a rather dangerous place with him emotionally.... one that could potentially set me up for heart break, but thats ok. i can handle anything if something bad should go down, but i cant really... ya know what im trying to say... i think ill know when i can completely let myself sink into him when i stop daydreaming about breakup conversations and looking for anything that could signify an imminent freak out. *sigh* no one ever said it was going to be easy... or simple.
spent the weekend in SLO with Ryan. we inadvertently did a lot of really fun things... things that we both really enjoy to do on our own time and hadnt really found anyone else who enjoyed said things... like one night we were chilling at a coffee house for a bit when this really amazing folk group started playing. it was incredible. the music was great... Ryan and i have always been able to connect through music... its the medium in which we finally started to communicate how we really felt to each other so i think that itll always be a big part of our relationship. and then the next day we just randomly went on a drive up the 1 blasting good music, talking, singing along... so much fun. we stopped at this cool little beach to watch kite boarders and smoke a j... there were all these seals hanging out on the beach and it was all secluded and pristine. just great. plus all the snuggling in his bed was fabulous. one night i started feeling really sick and he took care of me. made sure i was comfy and just held me and rubbed my head (i loooove that), and i ended up falling asleep right there. wow... i just dont even know sometimes how this all ended up working out. i knew in my heart that he and i werent through yet... hence why i couldnt get over the damn boy. the craziest part is that i feel like we've been together for so long. i know i keep saying that to like everyone but its true. its the most shocking yet comforting feeling ive had. and i was thinking today about how Ryan has all these qualities (recently noticed) that my other Significants had and now a lot of them are all wrapped up in him. thats comforting too. i wish i could completely trust him. i can believe the things that he tells me now... i can trust him to be honest with me and to love me... but i cant trust him enough to really put my heart in his hands. im already in a rather dangerous place with him emotionally.... one that could potentially set me up for heart break, but thats ok. i can handle anything if something bad should go down, but i cant really... ya know what im trying to say... i think ill know when i can completely let myself sink into him when i stop daydreaming about breakup conversations and looking for anything that could signify an imminent freak out. *sigh* no one ever said it was going to be easy... or simple.