"we're both a little crazy"
thats what lisa said to me the other day as we were discussing our relationship tendencies. ya, know i dont like to think of myself as a dramatic person... but im totally drawn to dramatic, passionate people. so, ya know, to get with me you gotta be a little bit crazy... preferably crazier than me, so i can pick you up when you fall apart and then i can feel important. i can feel like you need me when your crazy gets to be too much to handle.
im currently too comfortable and the lack of dramatic, passionate, obsessive Crazy may end up driving me to an indiscretion. see, no ones perfect. no relationship is perfect. nothing ever works out that nicely. so lisa told me that ive got to fix it... that ive got to say 'tear off my clothes and just fuck me' before i go and find something more exciting. its too good to fuck up, so somethings got to be worked out. i wish i had more than one day before i have to fly away and upon my return ill be running into the arms of another. fucked up isnt it? and this is all in my head... yeah, im definitely a little bit crazy. i like to think of it as eccentric and passionate, but when it comes down to it im just plain nuts.
i wish i could explain myself more eloquently.... or that i had been taught to just fucking say what needs to be said instead of taking it all in, bottling it all up, and letting everything spiral out of control simply because i wanted to make things easy for them.... always for them. maybe in reality i keep things inside for me, but i always think of it as sparing the other person.... maybe thats just a cop-out. actually thats most definitely a cop-out. im just too chicken shit to open up and tell the goddamn truth about things. *sigh* and ive tried to change.... but changing something like that... something thats so easy to just let be... is so fucking hard. i suppose i really cant give anyone else shit anymore for embracing confrontation when i secretly avoid it myself.
i think we all create our own drama... some more than others, but we all do it. its unavoidable. we're all searching for something more exciting. "love, like grief, tends to fade away to be replaced by something more exciting." thats a morbid quote, but somehow it can ring true. i really am nuts.
im currently too comfortable and the lack of dramatic, passionate, obsessive Crazy may end up driving me to an indiscretion. see, no ones perfect. no relationship is perfect. nothing ever works out that nicely. so lisa told me that ive got to fix it... that ive got to say 'tear off my clothes and just fuck me' before i go and find something more exciting. its too good to fuck up, so somethings got to be worked out. i wish i had more than one day before i have to fly away and upon my return ill be running into the arms of another. fucked up isnt it? and this is all in my head... yeah, im definitely a little bit crazy. i like to think of it as eccentric and passionate, but when it comes down to it im just plain nuts.
i wish i could explain myself more eloquently.... or that i had been taught to just fucking say what needs to be said instead of taking it all in, bottling it all up, and letting everything spiral out of control simply because i wanted to make things easy for them.... always for them. maybe in reality i keep things inside for me, but i always think of it as sparing the other person.... maybe thats just a cop-out. actually thats most definitely a cop-out. im just too chicken shit to open up and tell the goddamn truth about things. *sigh* and ive tried to change.... but changing something like that... something thats so easy to just let be... is so fucking hard. i suppose i really cant give anyone else shit anymore for embracing confrontation when i secretly avoid it myself.
i think we all create our own drama... some more than others, but we all do it. its unavoidable. we're all searching for something more exciting. "love, like grief, tends to fade away to be replaced by something more exciting." thats a morbid quote, but somehow it can ring true. i really am nuts.