Getting back into the swing of things :)
Title: Two-Point-Five (Pt. 6)
Pairing: C/Z, Casey, Delilah
Rating: R
Synopsis: Accepting the truth of the matter
Disclaimer: If I own this then I'm the Easter bunny as well.
Previous Parts: Prologue, One, Two, Three, Four, Five
X-posted to jacked_up, being_chased
June 3rd
It had been so long, so, so long... the sight of Casey sleeping next to him, his face aglow from the bright sunshine climbing through the curtains was enough to make Zeke smile wide. The fact that twelve hours were spent together was amazing to him. So, so long.
His hand went to Casey’s cheek, brushing his fingertips along his jaw. He almost jumped at the small but sudden snort Casey gave off, cringing and burrowing his face into the pillow further. Zeke almost chuckled, wanting to wake the boy up properly. With the bedroom door creaking open however, his hand left Casey entirely.
“Casey?” Delilah’s voice softly called. She rounded around the couch and stopped, blinking hard. “Oh...”
“Hey Del,” Zeke said, trying his best to sound casual. She swallowed and turned away.
“Sorry... didn’t know you’d spent the night,” she said, walking into the kitchen now. Zeke watched her moving about through the half-wall.
“Yea... I helped Casey get you home and... stuff,”
“Right, okay,” she said. “Slept in a bit, I guess,”
Zeke yawned loudly, sitting up. The realization that his pants were a good distance away hit him; if he took the sheet, Casey would be lying there, naked as a jaybird. He grunted and pushed his shoulders off the bed, hoping to reach them without much difficulty. He glanced up quick to see if Delilah was looking; this made him lose equilibrium and slide off the bed entirely, landing in a loud thump.
“You all right?” Delilah called. Zeke sighed, grabbing the waist of his pants. He was hidden by the bed at least.
“Yea,” he replied. Once dressed from the waist down he stood, groaning and running his hands through his hair. “Did you sleep good?”
“Like a rock, actually,” she said.
“Cool, cool,” Zeke said, walking into the kitchen. Delilah had just dragged a frying pan out from a cupboard; she went to the fridge and sighed.
“Damn it... we’re out of eggs,” she grumbled. She turned her head to look into the living room. “Casey?”
“No, no... I’ll go get ‘em,” Zeke said, shaking his head. Delilah bit her lip, not looking over at him.
“Okay,” she replied. Zeke nodded and walked out; he felt eager to leave, even if it were just for a little bit.
~*~
The spot Zeke had left was now taken, a shiny blue car sitting in it. Zeke frowned as he pulled into the one next to it. He wondered if someone had made a mistake; neither Delilah nor Casey made mention of any visitors.
After getting back to the apartment, he heard voices coming from inside; Delilah and another one, one Zeke didn’t recognize. He stepped inside and met a face he hadn’t seen before; she had long dark hair like Delilah’s, looking extremely shiny in the low light. While her face was a bit more rounded, it was clear on WHO this woman was. “Oh... hey,” he said, feeling odd. Delilah sighed, walking in while rubbing her hands into a dishtowel.
“Hey Zeke... thanks,” she said, taking the eggs from him. She nodded up to him then looked back to the woman.
“Mom, this is Zeke; he came home with us last night, helped and stuff,” she explained. Mrs. Proffit beamed, walking over.
“I’d heard about you,” she said, taking Zeke into an immediate hug. Zeke felt even weirder, patting her back awkwardly. He saw Delilah walk into the kitchen, rolling her eyes. Mrs. Proffit stood back again, smiling broader. “What a good guy you are, helping these two,”
“Well... they’re my friends, really...” he replied, trying to smile back. He looked to the couch, finding it folded back up. “Where’s Case?”
“Showering,” Delilah said in a tense voice. Zeke cleared his throat.
“Oh, okay,”
“So, sweetie; are we gonna go out or not?” Mrs. Proffit asked cheerfully.
“I dunno,”
“Oh come on, now; surely you’re not willing to pass up a breakfast at the Stones’ buffet!” she said. Zeke watched Delilah, seeing a lost expression on her face.
“We COULD I guess, but...” she said; her eyes rested on Zeke, who smiled.
“It’s okay, Del. I was gonna head home anyways,”
“OH! You could come too!” Mrs. Proffit said, patting his arm. “You can sit with Casey while me and my daughter talk over the new curtains we’re going to buy for the baby room,”
“Mom, I LIKE the curtains in there.”
“Oh we can do BETTER...”
Zeke felt the pit in his stomach growing; it was obvious Mrs. Proffit did NOT know about how Zeke would have sat next to Casey anyways. “No, it’s okay, really,” he said.
“Are you sure?” Mrs. Proffit said, turning back to him. Delilah looked fit to burst; Zeke snatched his keys from his pocket.
“Naw, really- I’ll be fine,” he said, edging to the doorway. This had suddenly become the very LAST place he wanted to be.
~*~
Casey was never huge on alcohol, not believing in ‘drowning your sorrows’. Whoever had first come out against such a thing had never had dinner with Ms. Jane Proffit, however. He didn’t believe it himself anymore.
He cracked one open and walked back into the living room, shaking his head. “Well... that was fun,” he said, plopping on the couch next to Delilah. She was stoic, staring ahead at the television show. He could barely hear it, but didn’t care. “You okay?”
“I don’t know... HOW many times I have to tell her...” Delilah started, clenching her jaw before speaking again. “I LIKE the curtains in the baby room, I DON’T need some radical ‘pregnancy diet’ she heard about on some fucking TV show, and I WANT to have a few hours to ourselves after the birth,”
Casey nodded slowly. “I really don’t want her hanging all over us either,”
“Fuck no,” Delilah said, almost growling out the words. “I can’t believe she’s insisting on being there, RIGHT there while I’m giving birth. Having her around on a GOOD day makes me want to throw up,”
“I know,” Casey softly replied. He looked to her, seeing her angry expression. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Serious,”
“Yea well...” she started; the look on her face softened. “Casey?”
“Mmm?” he murmured while sipping. Her eyes darted to him then back at the TV.
“When the baby’s born... I mean, you’re here because of emergencies and stuff,” she started. “Like yesterday, everything. But when she’s born and we get everything settled here-maybe you can just go live with Zeke,”
Casey’s eyes stilled, his heart feeling like it’d stopped. He put his drink on the table, feeling numb. “Huh?”
“I just... you’d come visit anytime you like, all that. But you’d probably be happier with him, all the time really.”
It went silent a moment; Casey now stared at her, noticing how she averted her gaze from him entirely. “You mean... YOU’D be happier,”
“What...?”
“You shoving me in the shower this morning said a lot,” Casey said, feeling angry. “Didn’t want your mom smelling anything ‘funny’, you’d said,”
“Of COURSE I didn’t, she’d think we were... y’now...”
“Yea and explaining to her that it was me and ZEKE doing all sorts of stuff...” Casey said; her head turned to look at her as he groaned. “She can’t know about THAT, now can she?”
“Case, you know her. She had a harder time accepting us not getting married more than your parents,” she explained, finally looking at him. “She can’t know, all right?”
“And if I live with Zeke, what would you tell her?”
“That... you just wanted a roommate, I don’t know...”
“And our daughter... what about her?” Casey said. Delilah trembled a bit in the arms; she rubbed at them and frowned.
“What about her what?” she said. Casey rolled his eyes.
“Is SHE gonna know what Daddy’s doing at Zeke’s?” Casey asked.
“I... I dunno...”
“No, she won’t,” Casey said, standing up in a huff. He went back into the kitchen but didn’t know why; he simply paced slowly, thinking hard. Delilah came in and crossed her arms.
“Casey, do you even know how HARD this is for me?”
“Um... YEA,” Casey blurted, turning to look at her. “I think I kinda do! I’ve had to give up a whole fucking lot in order for this to work.”
“Oh poor you,” Delilah sarcastically replied. Casey narrowed his eyes, a deep frown overtaking his face.
“Well, I HAVE. So yea Del, I think I get it. I think I know; maybe not the whole fifty-pound weight on my bladder, but besides that...”
“Look,” Delilah said, raising a hand and looking away. “I’m just saying that you’d be happier there and that our daughter can be raised all... cooperative like.”
“Yea, me not being here would be GREAT for her...”
“Maybe it would! I can SEE the stress this is for you; having time to yourself and being with who you WANT to be with...” Delilah said, her tone breathless. She seemed to step back a minute. “You never wanted to be with me. I KNOW that,”
“What DO you know about all that? How would you know??”
“Casey, did you think I was blind all that time? When we were together, do you even GET how a girl can tell all that?”
“Sure, a ‘sixth sense’...” Casey scoffed.
“That and hearing you cry after having sex,”
“Oh my GOD, when was this?? Fill me in-”
“You know when.” She stated. Casey stilled a bit, his teeth clenched hard a few moments.
“So I’m emotional. Sue me,” he replied. Delilah rolled her eyes then closed them.
“Yea well, you fucked me so hard the bed nearly fell on the floor...”
“Yea and it was good, right??” he replied, exasperated. She reopened her eyes and set them on Casey in a stony gaze.
“Made it easier to find the gay porn under your mattress,” she said in monotone. Casey’s entire body went deathly still.
“Wha...?” he managed to irk out. She nodded.
“Imagine it... I gotta boyfriend crying in the bathroom because he doesn’t want ME, he wants the guys he’s been secretly looking at in a magazine,” she said, almost bitterly. She looked as if she was trying her best to relax as she kept speaking. “Do you even... GOD, Casey, do you even KNOW what it was like? I had to smile it off, walk out and deal with it. I didn’t want to say anything, I thought you’d just up and die...”
“‘Up and die’, Del?? So okay, okay, you find out I’m gay, and you don’t break up with me... why WAS that?” Casey almost yelled.
“I WANTED to break up with you, Casey! But for fuck’s sake, I just...” Delilah said, stopping abruptly. Her arms curled over her chest tighter. “Maybe I wanted to believe you were bi or something, I don’t know. I liked you, a lot.”
Casey felt like he was going to explode; he’d had it with revelations, with everything happening in his life as it was. That ‘life’ had been ruined with his hiding, his fears, and because of all that he now stood in a kitchen with his pregnant girlfriend. “That’s why I’d broken it off, Del. I couldn’t fucking stand it anymore.”
“Couldn’t stand to be with ME, you mean,”
“Yes, EXACTLY. But not BECAUSE of you-”
“And how the fuck was I supposed to see that? GOD, the night after all that crap I went to a party, and I couldn’t enjoy one BIT of it. I wanted you there but you’d said ‘no’, understandably considering who was there...” she said. Casey nodded fast.
“Yea, so fucking sorry I didn’t feel like hanging out with Gabe and all of them,” he replied. Her eyes went wide, looking at him hard.
“But I wanted you there. And I just sat with all my supposed ‘friends’ and tried to put on some act, that I was okay. They all believed it too, they all saw my plastic smile and thought I was fine. I got drunk, I partied...” she said, suddenly stopping. Her jaw shook horribly, her eyes filling. “Casey, I was so confused--”
“Let me make it easier on you then,” Casey said, now brushing past her to go to the front door.
“Casey... stop, we need to talk!” she cried out. Casey didn’t feel like talking. He threw open the door and walked out, not caring about anything anymore. He couldn’t and wouldn’t.
~*~
Stokely walked back into the living room, carrying two glasses of cola. Casey sighed and took the one she offered. “Thanks,” he muttered, sitting back. Stokely sat next to him with a groan.
“So...” she said, turning to him and settling into the crook of the couch. “Just needed to get away, huh?”
“Yea,” Casey replied softly. He stared into the bubbly liquid he held a moment before speaking. “I don’t know, Stokes. It just seems like I’m some... transparent, open book. Like Delilah can just read me anytime,”
“She’s always been like that. Why do you think she was head editor of the school paper?” Stokely said, smiling a little. Casey shrugged.
“I don’t want my life to be open like that, though. I don’t wanna feel like she’s gonna ‘investigate’ things...”
“Sounds like she wasn’t being nosy way back when though...” Stokely said with a shrug. “Just found shit out, or knew it,”
“I just...” Casey said, stopping a moment as his jaw clenched. “I want to go to my parents’... yell at my dad, because I was SO scared to just SAY what I was. I wanted to make him proud by bringing home some chick to impress him. Let him know what a ‘man’ I was,” Casey said, his voice growing softer with each word. “I wouldn’t be IN this mess if I hadn’t been so fucking terrified. And y’now, I thought to myself the whole time ‘well, maybe I’m bi’. Just more delusion,”
“Yea, I know,” Stokely said. “I was kinda the reverse of that,”
“Hah... yea,” Casey said, recalling the rumors of Stokely’s own ‘orientation’. Stokely sipped her soda and smacked her lips.
“So... is Del giving you shit still... about it all?”
Casey shook his head. “I don’t know,” he replied. “She wants me to go live with Zeke after the baby’s born...”
“What?” Stokely said, blinking hard.
“Yea... like... I feel like she doesn’t want me around the baby- with Zeke,” Casey said.
“Well, she can’t really DO that,” Stokely said, shaking her head slowly. “She’s gotta accept that you guys are together and that’s that,”
“That’s the thing; it seems like she does, but...” Casey said, trailing off.
“But what? Look, Case; this is your daughter too. Years down the line, maybe even weeks Del’s gonna find some guy to date. If it gets serious, he’s gonna be in your baby’s life too,” Stokely explained. “Both your lives are going to change, but that doesn’t put a stop to what you both DO when you’re not making some big ‘family’ out of things. I think Del knows all this... maybe she’s just having a hard time imagining it, but when it happens she’ll be okay. It’ll be routine after a bit,”
Casey sighed, long and deep. “I just want to... to have things work out. I want to ENJOY myself with my kid, have Zeke around for her, too. I know he wouldn’t mind having me come by, a baby on my hip. He’s already talked about getting some stuff for his place, toys and stuff...”
“That’s so sweet,” Stokely said with a bright smile. Casey smiled back.
“Yea... he’s being really cool,”
“Casey, it’ll work out, okay?” Stokely said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll see. You’re actually lucky; you and Del are making it all comfortable for the BOTH of you. Most people get all fucked up over things like this, and turn on each other. You guys have worked things out and are gonna make GOOD outta this,”
Casey looked to Stokely and smiled wider. “You always make me feel so much better, y’now that?” he said. Stokely chuckled.
“That’s what friends do,” she replied.
~*~*~*~*~*~
June 8th
“Does she like cheese?”
The woman looked to Casey with a smile, seeing him extend a slice of American cheese to her. “Oh thanks,” she said, taking it. Casey smiled as she handed it to her baby; the little girl grabbed it and cooed, breaking it into two pieces. He proceeded to complete the woman’s order, listening to the child giggle.
“She’s a happy one, huh?” he said.
“She’s a good girl, always happy,” the woman answered. Casey sliced away, sighing.
“Hope mine is like that,”
“Oh! You’re going to be a father?” the woman said, smiling. Casey nodded, taking up the slices of cheese to the scale.
“Yea,” he said brightly. The woman smiled wider.
“Well, good luck,” she said, patting the little fountain of hair on her baby’s head. “Hopefully they’ll sleep through the night like mine,”
“Oooh, lucky,” Casey said with a chuckle, he wrapped up her order and placed it on the counter. “Here you are,”
“Thanks again,” she said, walking off. Casey then pressed the button for the order numbers. “Thirty two?” he called. The older woman standing right nearby handed him her ticket. He crumpled it and opened the glass case. “What’ll you have?”
“A pound of McKendell’s turkey,” she said in a blank voice. He nodded and retrieved it from the cooler; before he could turn to the slicers, the woman cleared her throat. “Aren’t you a bit young to be a father?”
Casey’s steps paused a moment in hearing this; he swallowed hard and went over to the counter, taking the plastic wrap off of the meat. He really didn’t know what to say; he hadn’t been faced with someone so bold, saying this sort of thing to him. Choosing not to answer he sliced away, not looking to the woman until he finished her order. “Here you are,” he said, trying to sound as polite as possible. The woman gave him a blank look before turning away, heading towards the fruit aisles.
“That was fucking rude,” one of the other deli workers, Michelle muttered as she passed him. Casey sighed and shrugged.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said and turned to the customer counter again. “Number thirty four?”
Casey then froze as the person stepped forward with their ticket. Swallowing heavily, he took the slip of paper from his father. “Yea?” he said. Mr. Connor’s face stiffened as if trying to smile.
“Hi, Casey,” he said. Casey nodded, feeling ill.
“What would you like, Sir?” he said.
“I... a half pound of Kayem ham, the same with the Swiss on sale,” he answered. Casey nodded again and opened the cooler fast. This day just did NOT agree with him thus far. He turned to the slicers again, setting the things down. “How are you?” came the question from behind; Casey’s jaw tightened.
“Fine,” he answered, flipping the switch to the machine. He slapped the Swiss onto it and began cutting it, seeing his father fidget with a bag of bread in the corner of his eye.
“Your mother sent me down to shop, and to um... see if you were on,” Mr. Connor said. “She wants you to come to dinner tonight,”
“Can’t, I’m busy,”
“Oh-maybe tomorrow night?”
“I don’t know,” Casey replied tersely.
“Well, can you call tonight, let her know?” Mr. Connor asked. Casey finished with the cheese and wrapped it up, almost throwing it on the scale.
“What about you?”
“Me... what?”
Casey rolled his eyes and turned back to the ham. As he readied it on the machine he shook his head. “Never mind,”
“Well, yea-I want you to come over too,”
“Do you?” he asked. “Hoping I bring Zeke over to ‘finish the job’ from a few weeks ago?”
“Casey... just come over. Please; we miss you, all right?”
Casey bit his lip, trying to concentrate on his work. If this day got any worse, he was going to cut a few fingers off. “Maybe I’ll call, I dunno,” he answered, slicing away.
“All right,” Mr. Connor answered. A few moments passed in silence before Casey finished up, handing his father the last of his order.
“See ya later,” Casey said blankly; Mr. Connor nodded and walked off, not looking back.
~*~
June 10th
After listening to his mother beg and plead for him to come over, Casey decided to have done with it and set aside his night off for a small dinner with them. He was turning the corner of his street with Delilah in the passenger seat; his mother wanted to see her as well, gushing over the phone about wanting to feel their baby kick.
“You okay?” Delilah asked. Casey sighed as he pulled in front of his parents’ house.
“Kinda hafta be,” he answered, shutting off the car. He opened his door and got to Delilah’s just as she opened it. She struggled to get out, taking Casey’s extended hand.
“Thanks,” she said with a smile. Casey smiled back a little, shutting her door and turning to the walk. “What’re we having, anyways?” she asked.
“Mom said something about pot roast,”
“Mmm, sounds good,” Delilah said. Before they’d even gotten halfway up the front steps, Mrs. Connor opened the door and beamed at them.
“Hello, you two!” she greeted with cheer. Casey did his best to smile back at her; once reaching his mother he was taken into a small but tight embrace. “Oh, I missed you, honey!” she proclaimed. Casey patted her back before backing away.
“Missed you too,” he said. Mrs. Connor now turned to Delilah and cooed.
“Oh sweetie, you look wonderful!” she proclaimed, taking her hand and looking at her rounded belly. “How’s my granddaughter today??”
“Oh, she’s good,” Delilah said. Mrs. Connor led her inside, nodding to Casey.
“Let’s go in and talk, it’s been too long,” she said. Casey followed them in, shutting the door behind them. He was thankful for the cooler air hitting him now; summer hadn’t even started officially, but it was getting hotter each and every day. He couldn’t even imagine having to deal with a huge belly like Delilah had...
“Hi, Casey,”
Casey stopped, halfway past the archway to the living room. His father sat on the couch, folding his newspaper up. “Hey,” Casey said, shoving his hands in his pockets. Mr. Connor smiled.
“Glad you two came by; Mom was busy making everything for dinner last night after you said you’d be here,” Mr. Connor said. Casey shrugged.
“Well, she wanted us by,” he said. Mr. Connor sighed.
“I wanted you over too,” he said. Casey looked to the side, rubbing his chin.
“Okay,”
“Oh Frank, you have to come in here! It feels like our granddaughter’s tap dancing!!”
Mr. Connor smiled a little and stood up, looking to Casey. He passed him but not before giving Casey’s shoulder a small squeeze.
~*~
“I could eat a thousand of these,” Delilah muttered, piling more glazed carrots on her plate. Mrs. Connor chuckled.
“You go ahead, have all you like,” she said. “They’re excellent for the baby,”
“Oh, I know; Casey’s been shoving veggies in me since we found out,” Delilah said, nudging him with her elbow. Casey shrugged.
“It’s better than drive thru every ten minutes,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “If you had your way, it’d be nothing but fries and double cheeseburgers,”
“So what?” Delilah said. Mrs. Connor chuckled, finishing her dinner. She put her chin on folded fingers and beamed.
“My weakness was feta cheese,” she said. Mr. Connor snorted.
“The smell was wonderful,” he grumbled. “It was a wonder Casey didn’t stink up the hospital when he came out,”
“Oh, shush! It was GOOD for him,” Mrs. Connor said, slapping Mr. Connor’s arm playfully. Casey sat back, wiping his mouth.
“This was really good, Mom; thanks,” he said.
“You’re very welcome; it’s about time we had a nice dinner altogether like this,” she said, getting up and grabbing the empty salad bowl. Mr. Connor shook his head and got up.
“You sit, hon. I’ll get the dishes,” he told her. Mrs. Connor shrugged and sat down.
“All right then,” she said. Mr. Connor smiled, taking up the plates and serving bowls. He reached Casey last and cleared his throat.
“Want to help me, son?” he asked. Casey felt like groaning; it’d been a ‘pleasant-tense’ sort of feel so far being around his dad. It felt like he was trying, but looked like he had difficulty in doing so. Still, he shrugged and stood up.
“Okay,” he replied. His mother smiled at them as Casey helped collect things and left; as Casey heard her prattle on to Delilah, Casey got to the sink and placed the dishes down. “I’ll dry,” he stated, taking up a dish towel. Mr. Connor nodded and filled the sink.
It was quiet for a bit; Casey tried relaxing his brain with listening to his mother ask all sorts of questions, Delilah answering in a bright voice. Once the sink filled and his father started washing, Casey waited for the first dish.
“So...” Mr. Connor started, glancing to Casey as he scrubbed a glass. “How’s everything?”
“It’s all right,” Casey replied. Mr. Connor nodded.
“Good, good,” he said. Casey was handed the glass; he dried it then set it in the rack, feeling robotic. “Has Delilah been good; healthy?”
“Yea, she has,”
“Good,”
Casey felt like walking off but rolled his eyes instead. His lips parted to speak, hoping he could just go back into the dining room. Mr. Connor interrupted his thoughts however. “We ARE glad you two came by. It’s nice to get updates on the baby... and things,”
“Yea,”
“Maybe we could have you over next weekend, if you’re not working...”
“What do you want from me, Dad?” Casey suddenly asked. Mr. Connor paused in his washing to look over at him; turning away he sighed heavily.
“I just want... I want things to be better with all of us,” Mr. Connor replied. “We want to be around, especially when the baby comes,”
“Is that the only reason... my kid?” Casey asked. Now Mr. Connor stopped washing entirely, turning to face Casey.
“Casey...”
“No, really,” Casey said, keeping his voice even; he didn’t need his mother or Delilah stepping in to ask ‘is everything all right?’. “Last I knew, I wasn’t your son anymore. I can’t see how my kid relates to you if that’s what you want,”
“No, Casey... that’s NOT what I want,” Mr. Connor told him, shaking his head. He looked to the sink and sighed. “C’mon... let’s go outside, we can do this later,”
Casey clenched his jaw, putting the towel down and walking to the front with his father. The warmer air found him again, making him groan as he stepped outside. Mr. Connor walked to the steps and sat, folding his arms over his knees. Casey sat at the top, a few paces from his dad. “Yea?” he stated blankly. Mr. Connor looked to him and bit his lip.
“I just want to talk to you, son. That’s all,”
“Okay, so talk,” Casey replied with indifference. Mr. Connor ignored this, turning his head back to the street.
“I’ve been... really, really unfair to you, Casey,” he said. His hands twisted together nervously as he continued. “There’ve been a lot of things I’ve done that I’m ashamed of; all my life, not just what’s happened lately,”
Casey stared blankly to the street as well, picturing himself back home... or at Zeke’s... “Oh yea? Haven’t been perfect huh?”
“Far from it,” Mr. Connor replied.
“Could’ve fooled me; it was always ‘you’re not DOING it right’, or ‘ALL boys like sports’ or-”
“Yea, and I’ve been an ass Casey. Let me admit to that, all right?” Mr. Connor interjected. Casey shut his mouth, not saying another word. Mr. Connor groaned, rubbing his hand over his face. “Do you remember that car we got when you were four? The one you really liked with the blue shimmer to the paint?”
“Uh huh,” Casey replied. Mr. Connor nodded.
“Remember why we got it?”
“The old one broke down,”
“That’s a lie, Casey,” Mr. Connor blurted. Casey blinked and looked to him.
“Huh? Um... really, what does this have to do with anything...?”
“I’d been a big partier in high school; being on the team did that sometimes. You’d go from one party to the next. I was always grounded for not coming home for curfew, or coming home wasted,” Mr. Connor explained. “I liked to party, hard, with friends. Thing was, that didn’t stop when I left school. College was even worse; I barely passed,”
Casey frowned heavily. “And this has to do with the car-how?”
“It didn’t stop after college, either,” Mr. Connor stated. His hands clenched together tight, his eyes set on the cement under his feet. “It didn’t stop after I married your mother. It didn’t stop after you were born... and it didn’t stop until I cracked up our car on the way home from the bar,”
Casey’s brow furrowed tighter. “Wait... what?”
“Yea, Case. Yea,”
“Okay, wait, wait-this was when I was four? When?”
“In June. You’d just stopped preschool, and I’d been out of work for a few weeks. THAT wasn’t my fault, at least; the company I’d worked for made lots of cutbacks, and I’d been included in that,” Mr. Connor said. “It just got worse and worse and I... well, I decided to get a few more drinks than I should have,”
“So you drove home drunk. Huh...” Casey said, huffing. “Who’d you kill?”
Mr. Connor turned to face him now with a frown of his own. “No one; don’t even say that. You have no damned idea how scared I was, how LUCKY I felt that it was a telephone pole I smashed into instead of another car,” Mr. Connor said, his voice tense. Casey swallowed.
“Sorry,” he said. Mr. Connor nodded and sat back, staring out onto the street again.
“My license was taken away for three months... I had to pay a giant fine, everything. I was out of work, so we had to take out a loan on your mother’s name. It wasn’t long before I found work again... and cleaned myself up,” Mr. Connor said. “Your mother didn’t even need to ask; I was scared straight, really. I went to AA and everything, saw a doctor... and I haven’t had a drop since then,”
Casey blinked hard, feeling heavy. “Well... that’s good,” he replied. Mr. Connor nodded.
“I was so scared you’d turn out like me, but you never did,” he said. “But everything else felt just... so big; like you were SUPPOSED to screw up like I had. Every little thing felt like I was walking on eggshells. You were getting teased or even beaten up in school, you didn’t get into sports and I just... I knew, Casey. I knew all along how things would be. You’re my son-I’d see you do the things you did and just FELT it.”
“Felt what?”
“Oh c’mon,” Mr. Connor said with a wry chuckle. “I remember you having some magazine, some teen type... and you put up all these pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio in your room,”
Casey felt like he’d gone white. “Well... I really liked ‘Titanic’.”
“Uh huh,” Mr. Connor said in a dry voice. His eyes turned to look at Casey now; Casey was surprised to see a bit of mirth in them.
“I did,” he said; now Mr. Connor chuckled outright.
“Casey... admit it,” he said. Casey finally groaned.
“Fine, yes; I crushed on Leo worse than half the girls at my school,” he relented. His eyes were now set on his father in a stone-like manner. “So you knew, huh? Is that why you were so goddamned hard on me?”
“Case... Jesus, I’d seen boys like you, in school even. Even if they weren’t gay, they either LOOKED it or acted like it, and were teased constantly. I was so scared you’d start getting teased or beat up even worse,”
“Not much worse than it always was anyways,”
“I screwed up, all right? I shouldn’t have done the crap I did.” Mr. Connor said, his words coming out fast. “Even if it’s STILL hard for me, I have to just shut up and try to understand it. But it’s hard, Casey. It’s really hard,”
“It shouldn’t be,” Casey stated. “I’m still your son... Jesus, Dad...”
“Yea, you ARE my son. I didn’t mean what I’d said at Zeke’s; I was acting stupid and said shit out of anger. I want to take it back and start over... okay?”
“Yea, well...” Casey said, drifting off a little. “I dunno, y’now? ‘Stupid shit’ and ‘things you didn’t mean’ aside, it’s not like I can just sit back and forget it. I’ve had enough crap to deal with, the last thing I needed was my dad wigging out on me,”
Mr. Connor nodded and turned away. “It’s okay. You don’t have to forgive me, I just...” he said, pausing. “Wanted to say that I’m sorry,”
“Okay,” Casey murmured, staring into his lap. He was tempted to drag out his pack of cigarettes but didn’t dare; he didn’t need yet another reason for his dad to have against Zeke. It was quiet between them for a while until Mrs. Connor opened the door and poked her head out.
“Wonderful job with the dishes, you two,”
Both of them looked up; Mr. Connor shrugged. “I’ll do ‘em, I’ll do ‘em,”
“Uh huh. Now c’mon back in, I’m getting the cheesecake,” she said. “If you don’t Delilah will probably eat it all,”
Casey had to smile a little, along with Mr. Connor. They stood up and walked inside; when Mr. Connor’s hand patted Casey’s back he didn’t recoil or want to run away. It actually felt good.
Pairing: C/Z, Casey, Delilah
Rating: R
Synopsis: Accepting the truth of the matter
Disclaimer: If I own this then I'm the Easter bunny as well.
Previous Parts: Prologue, One, Two, Three, Four, Five
X-posted to jacked_up, being_chased
June 3rd
It had been so long, so, so long... the sight of Casey sleeping next to him, his face aglow from the bright sunshine climbing through the curtains was enough to make Zeke smile wide. The fact that twelve hours were spent together was amazing to him. So, so long.
His hand went to Casey’s cheek, brushing his fingertips along his jaw. He almost jumped at the small but sudden snort Casey gave off, cringing and burrowing his face into the pillow further. Zeke almost chuckled, wanting to wake the boy up properly. With the bedroom door creaking open however, his hand left Casey entirely.
“Casey?” Delilah’s voice softly called. She rounded around the couch and stopped, blinking hard. “Oh...”
“Hey Del,” Zeke said, trying his best to sound casual. She swallowed and turned away.
“Sorry... didn’t know you’d spent the night,” she said, walking into the kitchen now. Zeke watched her moving about through the half-wall.
“Yea... I helped Casey get you home and... stuff,”
“Right, okay,” she said. “Slept in a bit, I guess,”
Zeke yawned loudly, sitting up. The realization that his pants were a good distance away hit him; if he took the sheet, Casey would be lying there, naked as a jaybird. He grunted and pushed his shoulders off the bed, hoping to reach them without much difficulty. He glanced up quick to see if Delilah was looking; this made him lose equilibrium and slide off the bed entirely, landing in a loud thump.
“You all right?” Delilah called. Zeke sighed, grabbing the waist of his pants. He was hidden by the bed at least.
“Yea,” he replied. Once dressed from the waist down he stood, groaning and running his hands through his hair. “Did you sleep good?”
“Like a rock, actually,” she said.
“Cool, cool,” Zeke said, walking into the kitchen. Delilah had just dragged a frying pan out from a cupboard; she went to the fridge and sighed.
“Damn it... we’re out of eggs,” she grumbled. She turned her head to look into the living room. “Casey?”
“No, no... I’ll go get ‘em,” Zeke said, shaking his head. Delilah bit her lip, not looking over at him.
“Okay,” she replied. Zeke nodded and walked out; he felt eager to leave, even if it were just for a little bit.
~*~
The spot Zeke had left was now taken, a shiny blue car sitting in it. Zeke frowned as he pulled into the one next to it. He wondered if someone had made a mistake; neither Delilah nor Casey made mention of any visitors.
After getting back to the apartment, he heard voices coming from inside; Delilah and another one, one Zeke didn’t recognize. He stepped inside and met a face he hadn’t seen before; she had long dark hair like Delilah’s, looking extremely shiny in the low light. While her face was a bit more rounded, it was clear on WHO this woman was. “Oh... hey,” he said, feeling odd. Delilah sighed, walking in while rubbing her hands into a dishtowel.
“Hey Zeke... thanks,” she said, taking the eggs from him. She nodded up to him then looked back to the woman.
“Mom, this is Zeke; he came home with us last night, helped and stuff,” she explained. Mrs. Proffit beamed, walking over.
“I’d heard about you,” she said, taking Zeke into an immediate hug. Zeke felt even weirder, patting her back awkwardly. He saw Delilah walk into the kitchen, rolling her eyes. Mrs. Proffit stood back again, smiling broader. “What a good guy you are, helping these two,”
“Well... they’re my friends, really...” he replied, trying to smile back. He looked to the couch, finding it folded back up. “Where’s Case?”
“Showering,” Delilah said in a tense voice. Zeke cleared his throat.
“Oh, okay,”
“So, sweetie; are we gonna go out or not?” Mrs. Proffit asked cheerfully.
“I dunno,”
“Oh come on, now; surely you’re not willing to pass up a breakfast at the Stones’ buffet!” she said. Zeke watched Delilah, seeing a lost expression on her face.
“We COULD I guess, but...” she said; her eyes rested on Zeke, who smiled.
“It’s okay, Del. I was gonna head home anyways,”
“OH! You could come too!” Mrs. Proffit said, patting his arm. “You can sit with Casey while me and my daughter talk over the new curtains we’re going to buy for the baby room,”
“Mom, I LIKE the curtains in there.”
“Oh we can do BETTER...”
Zeke felt the pit in his stomach growing; it was obvious Mrs. Proffit did NOT know about how Zeke would have sat next to Casey anyways. “No, it’s okay, really,” he said.
“Are you sure?” Mrs. Proffit said, turning back to him. Delilah looked fit to burst; Zeke snatched his keys from his pocket.
“Naw, really- I’ll be fine,” he said, edging to the doorway. This had suddenly become the very LAST place he wanted to be.
~*~
Casey was never huge on alcohol, not believing in ‘drowning your sorrows’. Whoever had first come out against such a thing had never had dinner with Ms. Jane Proffit, however. He didn’t believe it himself anymore.
He cracked one open and walked back into the living room, shaking his head. “Well... that was fun,” he said, plopping on the couch next to Delilah. She was stoic, staring ahead at the television show. He could barely hear it, but didn’t care. “You okay?”
“I don’t know... HOW many times I have to tell her...” Delilah started, clenching her jaw before speaking again. “I LIKE the curtains in the baby room, I DON’T need some radical ‘pregnancy diet’ she heard about on some fucking TV show, and I WANT to have a few hours to ourselves after the birth,”
Casey nodded slowly. “I really don’t want her hanging all over us either,”
“Fuck no,” Delilah said, almost growling out the words. “I can’t believe she’s insisting on being there, RIGHT there while I’m giving birth. Having her around on a GOOD day makes me want to throw up,”
“I know,” Casey softly replied. He looked to her, seeing her angry expression. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Serious,”
“Yea well...” she started; the look on her face softened. “Casey?”
“Mmm?” he murmured while sipping. Her eyes darted to him then back at the TV.
“When the baby’s born... I mean, you’re here because of emergencies and stuff,” she started. “Like yesterday, everything. But when she’s born and we get everything settled here-maybe you can just go live with Zeke,”
Casey’s eyes stilled, his heart feeling like it’d stopped. He put his drink on the table, feeling numb. “Huh?”
“I just... you’d come visit anytime you like, all that. But you’d probably be happier with him, all the time really.”
It went silent a moment; Casey now stared at her, noticing how she averted her gaze from him entirely. “You mean... YOU’D be happier,”
“What...?”
“You shoving me in the shower this morning said a lot,” Casey said, feeling angry. “Didn’t want your mom smelling anything ‘funny’, you’d said,”
“Of COURSE I didn’t, she’d think we were... y’now...”
“Yea and explaining to her that it was me and ZEKE doing all sorts of stuff...” Casey said; her head turned to look at her as he groaned. “She can’t know about THAT, now can she?”
“Case, you know her. She had a harder time accepting us not getting married more than your parents,” she explained, finally looking at him. “She can’t know, all right?”
“And if I live with Zeke, what would you tell her?”
“That... you just wanted a roommate, I don’t know...”
“And our daughter... what about her?” Casey said. Delilah trembled a bit in the arms; she rubbed at them and frowned.
“What about her what?” she said. Casey rolled his eyes.
“Is SHE gonna know what Daddy’s doing at Zeke’s?” Casey asked.
“I... I dunno...”
“No, she won’t,” Casey said, standing up in a huff. He went back into the kitchen but didn’t know why; he simply paced slowly, thinking hard. Delilah came in and crossed her arms.
“Casey, do you even know how HARD this is for me?”
“Um... YEA,” Casey blurted, turning to look at her. “I think I kinda do! I’ve had to give up a whole fucking lot in order for this to work.”
“Oh poor you,” Delilah sarcastically replied. Casey narrowed his eyes, a deep frown overtaking his face.
“Well, I HAVE. So yea Del, I think I get it. I think I know; maybe not the whole fifty-pound weight on my bladder, but besides that...”
“Look,” Delilah said, raising a hand and looking away. “I’m just saying that you’d be happier there and that our daughter can be raised all... cooperative like.”
“Yea, me not being here would be GREAT for her...”
“Maybe it would! I can SEE the stress this is for you; having time to yourself and being with who you WANT to be with...” Delilah said, her tone breathless. She seemed to step back a minute. “You never wanted to be with me. I KNOW that,”
“What DO you know about all that? How would you know??”
“Casey, did you think I was blind all that time? When we were together, do you even GET how a girl can tell all that?”
“Sure, a ‘sixth sense’...” Casey scoffed.
“That and hearing you cry after having sex,”
“Oh my GOD, when was this?? Fill me in-”
“You know when.” She stated. Casey stilled a bit, his teeth clenched hard a few moments.
“So I’m emotional. Sue me,” he replied. Delilah rolled her eyes then closed them.
“Yea well, you fucked me so hard the bed nearly fell on the floor...”
“Yea and it was good, right??” he replied, exasperated. She reopened her eyes and set them on Casey in a stony gaze.
“Made it easier to find the gay porn under your mattress,” she said in monotone. Casey’s entire body went deathly still.
“Wha...?” he managed to irk out. She nodded.
“Imagine it... I gotta boyfriend crying in the bathroom because he doesn’t want ME, he wants the guys he’s been secretly looking at in a magazine,” she said, almost bitterly. She looked as if she was trying her best to relax as she kept speaking. “Do you even... GOD, Casey, do you even KNOW what it was like? I had to smile it off, walk out and deal with it. I didn’t want to say anything, I thought you’d just up and die...”
“‘Up and die’, Del?? So okay, okay, you find out I’m gay, and you don’t break up with me... why WAS that?” Casey almost yelled.
“I WANTED to break up with you, Casey! But for fuck’s sake, I just...” Delilah said, stopping abruptly. Her arms curled over her chest tighter. “Maybe I wanted to believe you were bi or something, I don’t know. I liked you, a lot.”
Casey felt like he was going to explode; he’d had it with revelations, with everything happening in his life as it was. That ‘life’ had been ruined with his hiding, his fears, and because of all that he now stood in a kitchen with his pregnant girlfriend. “That’s why I’d broken it off, Del. I couldn’t fucking stand it anymore.”
“Couldn’t stand to be with ME, you mean,”
“Yes, EXACTLY. But not BECAUSE of you-”
“And how the fuck was I supposed to see that? GOD, the night after all that crap I went to a party, and I couldn’t enjoy one BIT of it. I wanted you there but you’d said ‘no’, understandably considering who was there...” she said. Casey nodded fast.
“Yea, so fucking sorry I didn’t feel like hanging out with Gabe and all of them,” he replied. Her eyes went wide, looking at him hard.
“But I wanted you there. And I just sat with all my supposed ‘friends’ and tried to put on some act, that I was okay. They all believed it too, they all saw my plastic smile and thought I was fine. I got drunk, I partied...” she said, suddenly stopping. Her jaw shook horribly, her eyes filling. “Casey, I was so confused--”
“Let me make it easier on you then,” Casey said, now brushing past her to go to the front door.
“Casey... stop, we need to talk!” she cried out. Casey didn’t feel like talking. He threw open the door and walked out, not caring about anything anymore. He couldn’t and wouldn’t.
~*~
Stokely walked back into the living room, carrying two glasses of cola. Casey sighed and took the one she offered. “Thanks,” he muttered, sitting back. Stokely sat next to him with a groan.
“So...” she said, turning to him and settling into the crook of the couch. “Just needed to get away, huh?”
“Yea,” Casey replied softly. He stared into the bubbly liquid he held a moment before speaking. “I don’t know, Stokes. It just seems like I’m some... transparent, open book. Like Delilah can just read me anytime,”
“She’s always been like that. Why do you think she was head editor of the school paper?” Stokely said, smiling a little. Casey shrugged.
“I don’t want my life to be open like that, though. I don’t wanna feel like she’s gonna ‘investigate’ things...”
“Sounds like she wasn’t being nosy way back when though...” Stokely said with a shrug. “Just found shit out, or knew it,”
“I just...” Casey said, stopping a moment as his jaw clenched. “I want to go to my parents’... yell at my dad, because I was SO scared to just SAY what I was. I wanted to make him proud by bringing home some chick to impress him. Let him know what a ‘man’ I was,” Casey said, his voice growing softer with each word. “I wouldn’t be IN this mess if I hadn’t been so fucking terrified. And y’now, I thought to myself the whole time ‘well, maybe I’m bi’. Just more delusion,”
“Yea, I know,” Stokely said. “I was kinda the reverse of that,”
“Hah... yea,” Casey said, recalling the rumors of Stokely’s own ‘orientation’. Stokely sipped her soda and smacked her lips.
“So... is Del giving you shit still... about it all?”
Casey shook his head. “I don’t know,” he replied. “She wants me to go live with Zeke after the baby’s born...”
“What?” Stokely said, blinking hard.
“Yea... like... I feel like she doesn’t want me around the baby- with Zeke,” Casey said.
“Well, she can’t really DO that,” Stokely said, shaking her head slowly. “She’s gotta accept that you guys are together and that’s that,”
“That’s the thing; it seems like she does, but...” Casey said, trailing off.
“But what? Look, Case; this is your daughter too. Years down the line, maybe even weeks Del’s gonna find some guy to date. If it gets serious, he’s gonna be in your baby’s life too,” Stokely explained. “Both your lives are going to change, but that doesn’t put a stop to what you both DO when you’re not making some big ‘family’ out of things. I think Del knows all this... maybe she’s just having a hard time imagining it, but when it happens she’ll be okay. It’ll be routine after a bit,”
Casey sighed, long and deep. “I just want to... to have things work out. I want to ENJOY myself with my kid, have Zeke around for her, too. I know he wouldn’t mind having me come by, a baby on my hip. He’s already talked about getting some stuff for his place, toys and stuff...”
“That’s so sweet,” Stokely said with a bright smile. Casey smiled back.
“Yea... he’s being really cool,”
“Casey, it’ll work out, okay?” Stokely said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll see. You’re actually lucky; you and Del are making it all comfortable for the BOTH of you. Most people get all fucked up over things like this, and turn on each other. You guys have worked things out and are gonna make GOOD outta this,”
Casey looked to Stokely and smiled wider. “You always make me feel so much better, y’now that?” he said. Stokely chuckled.
“That’s what friends do,” she replied.
~*~*~*~*~*~
June 8th
“Does she like cheese?”
The woman looked to Casey with a smile, seeing him extend a slice of American cheese to her. “Oh thanks,” she said, taking it. Casey smiled as she handed it to her baby; the little girl grabbed it and cooed, breaking it into two pieces. He proceeded to complete the woman’s order, listening to the child giggle.
“She’s a happy one, huh?” he said.
“She’s a good girl, always happy,” the woman answered. Casey sliced away, sighing.
“Hope mine is like that,”
“Oh! You’re going to be a father?” the woman said, smiling. Casey nodded, taking up the slices of cheese to the scale.
“Yea,” he said brightly. The woman smiled wider.
“Well, good luck,” she said, patting the little fountain of hair on her baby’s head. “Hopefully they’ll sleep through the night like mine,”
“Oooh, lucky,” Casey said with a chuckle, he wrapped up her order and placed it on the counter. “Here you are,”
“Thanks again,” she said, walking off. Casey then pressed the button for the order numbers. “Thirty two?” he called. The older woman standing right nearby handed him her ticket. He crumpled it and opened the glass case. “What’ll you have?”
“A pound of McKendell’s turkey,” she said in a blank voice. He nodded and retrieved it from the cooler; before he could turn to the slicers, the woman cleared her throat. “Aren’t you a bit young to be a father?”
Casey’s steps paused a moment in hearing this; he swallowed hard and went over to the counter, taking the plastic wrap off of the meat. He really didn’t know what to say; he hadn’t been faced with someone so bold, saying this sort of thing to him. Choosing not to answer he sliced away, not looking to the woman until he finished her order. “Here you are,” he said, trying to sound as polite as possible. The woman gave him a blank look before turning away, heading towards the fruit aisles.
“That was fucking rude,” one of the other deli workers, Michelle muttered as she passed him. Casey sighed and shrugged.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said and turned to the customer counter again. “Number thirty four?”
Casey then froze as the person stepped forward with their ticket. Swallowing heavily, he took the slip of paper from his father. “Yea?” he said. Mr. Connor’s face stiffened as if trying to smile.
“Hi, Casey,” he said. Casey nodded, feeling ill.
“What would you like, Sir?” he said.
“I... a half pound of Kayem ham, the same with the Swiss on sale,” he answered. Casey nodded again and opened the cooler fast. This day just did NOT agree with him thus far. He turned to the slicers again, setting the things down. “How are you?” came the question from behind; Casey’s jaw tightened.
“Fine,” he answered, flipping the switch to the machine. He slapped the Swiss onto it and began cutting it, seeing his father fidget with a bag of bread in the corner of his eye.
“Your mother sent me down to shop, and to um... see if you were on,” Mr. Connor said. “She wants you to come to dinner tonight,”
“Can’t, I’m busy,”
“Oh-maybe tomorrow night?”
“I don’t know,” Casey replied tersely.
“Well, can you call tonight, let her know?” Mr. Connor asked. Casey finished with the cheese and wrapped it up, almost throwing it on the scale.
“What about you?”
“Me... what?”
Casey rolled his eyes and turned back to the ham. As he readied it on the machine he shook his head. “Never mind,”
“Well, yea-I want you to come over too,”
“Do you?” he asked. “Hoping I bring Zeke over to ‘finish the job’ from a few weeks ago?”
“Casey... just come over. Please; we miss you, all right?”
Casey bit his lip, trying to concentrate on his work. If this day got any worse, he was going to cut a few fingers off. “Maybe I’ll call, I dunno,” he answered, slicing away.
“All right,” Mr. Connor answered. A few moments passed in silence before Casey finished up, handing his father the last of his order.
“See ya later,” Casey said blankly; Mr. Connor nodded and walked off, not looking back.
~*~
June 10th
After listening to his mother beg and plead for him to come over, Casey decided to have done with it and set aside his night off for a small dinner with them. He was turning the corner of his street with Delilah in the passenger seat; his mother wanted to see her as well, gushing over the phone about wanting to feel their baby kick.
“You okay?” Delilah asked. Casey sighed as he pulled in front of his parents’ house.
“Kinda hafta be,” he answered, shutting off the car. He opened his door and got to Delilah’s just as she opened it. She struggled to get out, taking Casey’s extended hand.
“Thanks,” she said with a smile. Casey smiled back a little, shutting her door and turning to the walk. “What’re we having, anyways?” she asked.
“Mom said something about pot roast,”
“Mmm, sounds good,” Delilah said. Before they’d even gotten halfway up the front steps, Mrs. Connor opened the door and beamed at them.
“Hello, you two!” she greeted with cheer. Casey did his best to smile back at her; once reaching his mother he was taken into a small but tight embrace. “Oh, I missed you, honey!” she proclaimed. Casey patted her back before backing away.
“Missed you too,” he said. Mrs. Connor now turned to Delilah and cooed.
“Oh sweetie, you look wonderful!” she proclaimed, taking her hand and looking at her rounded belly. “How’s my granddaughter today??”
“Oh, she’s good,” Delilah said. Mrs. Connor led her inside, nodding to Casey.
“Let’s go in and talk, it’s been too long,” she said. Casey followed them in, shutting the door behind them. He was thankful for the cooler air hitting him now; summer hadn’t even started officially, but it was getting hotter each and every day. He couldn’t even imagine having to deal with a huge belly like Delilah had...
“Hi, Casey,”
Casey stopped, halfway past the archway to the living room. His father sat on the couch, folding his newspaper up. “Hey,” Casey said, shoving his hands in his pockets. Mr. Connor smiled.
“Glad you two came by; Mom was busy making everything for dinner last night after you said you’d be here,” Mr. Connor said. Casey shrugged.
“Well, she wanted us by,” he said. Mr. Connor sighed.
“I wanted you over too,” he said. Casey looked to the side, rubbing his chin.
“Okay,”
“Oh Frank, you have to come in here! It feels like our granddaughter’s tap dancing!!”
Mr. Connor smiled a little and stood up, looking to Casey. He passed him but not before giving Casey’s shoulder a small squeeze.
~*~
“I could eat a thousand of these,” Delilah muttered, piling more glazed carrots on her plate. Mrs. Connor chuckled.
“You go ahead, have all you like,” she said. “They’re excellent for the baby,”
“Oh, I know; Casey’s been shoving veggies in me since we found out,” Delilah said, nudging him with her elbow. Casey shrugged.
“It’s better than drive thru every ten minutes,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “If you had your way, it’d be nothing but fries and double cheeseburgers,”
“So what?” Delilah said. Mrs. Connor chuckled, finishing her dinner. She put her chin on folded fingers and beamed.
“My weakness was feta cheese,” she said. Mr. Connor snorted.
“The smell was wonderful,” he grumbled. “It was a wonder Casey didn’t stink up the hospital when he came out,”
“Oh, shush! It was GOOD for him,” Mrs. Connor said, slapping Mr. Connor’s arm playfully. Casey sat back, wiping his mouth.
“This was really good, Mom; thanks,” he said.
“You’re very welcome; it’s about time we had a nice dinner altogether like this,” she said, getting up and grabbing the empty salad bowl. Mr. Connor shook his head and got up.
“You sit, hon. I’ll get the dishes,” he told her. Mrs. Connor shrugged and sat down.
“All right then,” she said. Mr. Connor smiled, taking up the plates and serving bowls. He reached Casey last and cleared his throat.
“Want to help me, son?” he asked. Casey felt like groaning; it’d been a ‘pleasant-tense’ sort of feel so far being around his dad. It felt like he was trying, but looked like he had difficulty in doing so. Still, he shrugged and stood up.
“Okay,” he replied. His mother smiled at them as Casey helped collect things and left; as Casey heard her prattle on to Delilah, Casey got to the sink and placed the dishes down. “I’ll dry,” he stated, taking up a dish towel. Mr. Connor nodded and filled the sink.
It was quiet for a bit; Casey tried relaxing his brain with listening to his mother ask all sorts of questions, Delilah answering in a bright voice. Once the sink filled and his father started washing, Casey waited for the first dish.
“So...” Mr. Connor started, glancing to Casey as he scrubbed a glass. “How’s everything?”
“It’s all right,” Casey replied. Mr. Connor nodded.
“Good, good,” he said. Casey was handed the glass; he dried it then set it in the rack, feeling robotic. “Has Delilah been good; healthy?”
“Yea, she has,”
“Good,”
Casey felt like walking off but rolled his eyes instead. His lips parted to speak, hoping he could just go back into the dining room. Mr. Connor interrupted his thoughts however. “We ARE glad you two came by. It’s nice to get updates on the baby... and things,”
“Yea,”
“Maybe we could have you over next weekend, if you’re not working...”
“What do you want from me, Dad?” Casey suddenly asked. Mr. Connor paused in his washing to look over at him; turning away he sighed heavily.
“I just want... I want things to be better with all of us,” Mr. Connor replied. “We want to be around, especially when the baby comes,”
“Is that the only reason... my kid?” Casey asked. Now Mr. Connor stopped washing entirely, turning to face Casey.
“Casey...”
“No, really,” Casey said, keeping his voice even; he didn’t need his mother or Delilah stepping in to ask ‘is everything all right?’. “Last I knew, I wasn’t your son anymore. I can’t see how my kid relates to you if that’s what you want,”
“No, Casey... that’s NOT what I want,” Mr. Connor told him, shaking his head. He looked to the sink and sighed. “C’mon... let’s go outside, we can do this later,”
Casey clenched his jaw, putting the towel down and walking to the front with his father. The warmer air found him again, making him groan as he stepped outside. Mr. Connor walked to the steps and sat, folding his arms over his knees. Casey sat at the top, a few paces from his dad. “Yea?” he stated blankly. Mr. Connor looked to him and bit his lip.
“I just want to talk to you, son. That’s all,”
“Okay, so talk,” Casey replied with indifference. Mr. Connor ignored this, turning his head back to the street.
“I’ve been... really, really unfair to you, Casey,” he said. His hands twisted together nervously as he continued. “There’ve been a lot of things I’ve done that I’m ashamed of; all my life, not just what’s happened lately,”
Casey stared blankly to the street as well, picturing himself back home... or at Zeke’s... “Oh yea? Haven’t been perfect huh?”
“Far from it,” Mr. Connor replied.
“Could’ve fooled me; it was always ‘you’re not DOING it right’, or ‘ALL boys like sports’ or-”
“Yea, and I’ve been an ass Casey. Let me admit to that, all right?” Mr. Connor interjected. Casey shut his mouth, not saying another word. Mr. Connor groaned, rubbing his hand over his face. “Do you remember that car we got when you were four? The one you really liked with the blue shimmer to the paint?”
“Uh huh,” Casey replied. Mr. Connor nodded.
“Remember why we got it?”
“The old one broke down,”
“That’s a lie, Casey,” Mr. Connor blurted. Casey blinked and looked to him.
“Huh? Um... really, what does this have to do with anything...?”
“I’d been a big partier in high school; being on the team did that sometimes. You’d go from one party to the next. I was always grounded for not coming home for curfew, or coming home wasted,” Mr. Connor explained. “I liked to party, hard, with friends. Thing was, that didn’t stop when I left school. College was even worse; I barely passed,”
Casey frowned heavily. “And this has to do with the car-how?”
“It didn’t stop after college, either,” Mr. Connor stated. His hands clenched together tight, his eyes set on the cement under his feet. “It didn’t stop after I married your mother. It didn’t stop after you were born... and it didn’t stop until I cracked up our car on the way home from the bar,”
Casey’s brow furrowed tighter. “Wait... what?”
“Yea, Case. Yea,”
“Okay, wait, wait-this was when I was four? When?”
“In June. You’d just stopped preschool, and I’d been out of work for a few weeks. THAT wasn’t my fault, at least; the company I’d worked for made lots of cutbacks, and I’d been included in that,” Mr. Connor said. “It just got worse and worse and I... well, I decided to get a few more drinks than I should have,”
“So you drove home drunk. Huh...” Casey said, huffing. “Who’d you kill?”
Mr. Connor turned to face him now with a frown of his own. “No one; don’t even say that. You have no damned idea how scared I was, how LUCKY I felt that it was a telephone pole I smashed into instead of another car,” Mr. Connor said, his voice tense. Casey swallowed.
“Sorry,” he said. Mr. Connor nodded and sat back, staring out onto the street again.
“My license was taken away for three months... I had to pay a giant fine, everything. I was out of work, so we had to take out a loan on your mother’s name. It wasn’t long before I found work again... and cleaned myself up,” Mr. Connor said. “Your mother didn’t even need to ask; I was scared straight, really. I went to AA and everything, saw a doctor... and I haven’t had a drop since then,”
Casey blinked hard, feeling heavy. “Well... that’s good,” he replied. Mr. Connor nodded.
“I was so scared you’d turn out like me, but you never did,” he said. “But everything else felt just... so big; like you were SUPPOSED to screw up like I had. Every little thing felt like I was walking on eggshells. You were getting teased or even beaten up in school, you didn’t get into sports and I just... I knew, Casey. I knew all along how things would be. You’re my son-I’d see you do the things you did and just FELT it.”
“Felt what?”
“Oh c’mon,” Mr. Connor said with a wry chuckle. “I remember you having some magazine, some teen type... and you put up all these pictures of Leonardo DiCaprio in your room,”
Casey felt like he’d gone white. “Well... I really liked ‘Titanic’.”
“Uh huh,” Mr. Connor said in a dry voice. His eyes turned to look at Casey now; Casey was surprised to see a bit of mirth in them.
“I did,” he said; now Mr. Connor chuckled outright.
“Casey... admit it,” he said. Casey finally groaned.
“Fine, yes; I crushed on Leo worse than half the girls at my school,” he relented. His eyes were now set on his father in a stone-like manner. “So you knew, huh? Is that why you were so goddamned hard on me?”
“Case... Jesus, I’d seen boys like you, in school even. Even if they weren’t gay, they either LOOKED it or acted like it, and were teased constantly. I was so scared you’d start getting teased or beat up even worse,”
“Not much worse than it always was anyways,”
“I screwed up, all right? I shouldn’t have done the crap I did.” Mr. Connor said, his words coming out fast. “Even if it’s STILL hard for me, I have to just shut up and try to understand it. But it’s hard, Casey. It’s really hard,”
“It shouldn’t be,” Casey stated. “I’m still your son... Jesus, Dad...”
“Yea, you ARE my son. I didn’t mean what I’d said at Zeke’s; I was acting stupid and said shit out of anger. I want to take it back and start over... okay?”
“Yea, well...” Casey said, drifting off a little. “I dunno, y’now? ‘Stupid shit’ and ‘things you didn’t mean’ aside, it’s not like I can just sit back and forget it. I’ve had enough crap to deal with, the last thing I needed was my dad wigging out on me,”
Mr. Connor nodded and turned away. “It’s okay. You don’t have to forgive me, I just...” he said, pausing. “Wanted to say that I’m sorry,”
“Okay,” Casey murmured, staring into his lap. He was tempted to drag out his pack of cigarettes but didn’t dare; he didn’t need yet another reason for his dad to have against Zeke. It was quiet between them for a while until Mrs. Connor opened the door and poked her head out.
“Wonderful job with the dishes, you two,”
Both of them looked up; Mr. Connor shrugged. “I’ll do ‘em, I’ll do ‘em,”
“Uh huh. Now c’mon back in, I’m getting the cheesecake,” she said. “If you don’t Delilah will probably eat it all,”
Casey had to smile a little, along with Mr. Connor. They stood up and walked inside; when Mr. Connor’s hand patted Casey’s back he didn’t recoil or want to run away. It actually felt good.