Secrets told.
So I havn't updated for a while. I've realized alot of things about myself. All of my problems, the control issues, the anger, irational fears, the dark days, they are all symptoms of my manic depression. Yes, I'm bi-polar.
I can't believe I'm writing this for the whole world to read, but I've hidden my problems long enough. And I told one friend, and she didn't judge me. so i'm not as afraid. Plus, if anyone does judge me, they are not really a friend. But now i see hope. I think I can get better. I'm on a good new mix of drugs, I'm not drinking, and I'm seeing a therapist.
I'm quitting everything that stresses me. I'm quitting the sorority, I'm not going back after my chapter status. I can't afford it, and its too time-constraining. I love the girls, but i am made to feel like if i'm not willing to devote all time, i am not a good sister. I just wanted to make friends at PSU, have weekend plans. But it became every weekend, every day, everything required. Then there were tests and people would get mad if you did things wrong, and its just too much stress. Sorry to anyone who finds out this way. I need to focus on school, and my career, and my disease. I wish i could stay freinds with the girls, but i think leaving the sorority will burn my bridges.
I'm going to start doing yoga again, and i'm working on some breathing techniques, and I'm going to start floating. floating is something doctors recommend to people like me. you just float on your back in the water for long periods of time. Its soposed to be good for your muscles and back, and its soposed to relax you and cause instant meditation.
Anyways, if i dont start taking my disease seriously and work on it, it can get worse, my doctor told me. I could end up living out my days in a crazy people hospital.