Slump
slump.
I'm kind of in one.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't write fics, i can't sit through any of them (i keep freaking skimming), i haven't been doing homework very well, i haven't been hanging out with friends really, and overall time is passing me by as i lay in bed day after day wondering wtf i should do.
i hate it when it's like this.
i also can't seem to get over my fascination with this one author. i want to talk to her. i want to add her. i comment on her fics, and for some reason i just feel weird because i think she's brilliant and i want to share in her crack but i'm afraid(?) i dont even know what. i know she wouldnt add me back.
my face.
is annoying me.
i used to have pristine skin, and it keeps BREAKING OUT in the worst places. like square in the middle of my nose? yeah.
how the hell am i supposed to take pictures for my Avex application like this?
i need to go and get some skin care treatment. i want my car. i miss driving, and NOT swerving down the road like a maniac like everyone here seems to like to do. i really fear that im going to be that story on the news of the kids who were just having a good time when the car spun out of control and slammed into the pole. like...not fun for me. i hate riding with people here.
you know, i just...i hate it here in general. i hate how the mall is so small. i hate how i have to call everyone to take me places. i hate how the girls here are just generally bitches who dont take the time to know you because apparently, youre not worth their time. i hate the bugs. i hate the cat calls. i hate the accent. i hate the lack of interesting and engaging boys. i hate the lack of interesting and engaging conversations. i hate that when i need a hug, theres no one here to give me one. i hate how i cant turn off my phone because i'm afraid im going to miss something. i hate how i have to walk up a flight of stairs to do laundry. i hate how i have to awkwardly not tell people i can't walk fast or far or up stairs. i hate how theres never anything on the radio. i hate how everything is BARBEQUED. i hate ocra. i hate walking back to my dorm alone. i hate walking back to my dorm alone at night. i hate how my room is small. i hate how the election people still havent sent me my damn absentee ballot. and i hate that i have to post my rant in a journal because i cant go home over the weekend and talk to my mom about it. i hate that i havent called her.
im feeling rather lazy and worthless right now.
im feeling rather appathetic, too.
i just want to go home.
and by home, i mean home.
(because Alabama is not my home.)
oh. fabulous.
here's to trying not to cry for the rest of the night now.