Super Junior (AU); DBPK; [5/__ ]
Title: The Difference Between Pawns and Kings [5/__ ]
Fandom: Super Junior
Chapter Pairings: KangTeuk, Eunhae
Word Count: 2800
Chapter Rating: PG-13
Overall Summary: he secluded world of South Korea has decayed and it's largest city, Seoul, has fractioned into two seperate halves: the kings and the pawns. Society is different; life is different. People struggle to survive in both worlds, either smothered by the rules of the city or the despair of the slums. The lucky ones managing to balance between the two extreems watch their friends suffer or survive, take or be taken. Still, life churns on, and no matter what hand you have been dealt, you must play the game.
Chapter Summary: There are the two extremes: the city and the slums, and then there is the fine line in between, the small slice of relative normality that only a lucky few get to have. Even so, it doesn't mean they're unharmed or unscarred.
Genre: AU
A/N: LKAJSDFL YOU GUYS IM GOING TO DO THIS LATER IM SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING MY SAKUBUUUUUUUN-- okay so...im sorry i havent been updating, ive just...you kno when you want to write, but you cant? well like that. ive also been preoccupied with life. i didnt even know i had one, but apparently i do. alsoooo i made a survey to ask you all what you want for chapter 7. i am letting you know that i will be taking a bit of creative license with the results, because there is lots of eunhae coming/already written. also: I PROMISE ANSWERS ARE COMING. im telling the truth! believe me, i would know since i...wrote them. anyways, the last part isnt coming out like i want it so itll be constantly tweaked until its fine. i missed you guys! i missed your comments! <3
*also, i may or may not do massive editing on the last bit before the apartment scene, because i wrote half of it one time and the other half another time and its all kind of not workin for me but i want to post because its been almost two months since ive posted fic. ...ew that sounds so long.
[1] [2] [3] [4]
Kangin sits at the whitewashed wicker chair at the whitewashed table in their yellow tiled kitchen. He watches as Eeteuk bustles about at the counter, fussing with a teapot and gathering a few sugar packets from the cupboard. It’s weird, the way you don't really notice things until you look at them in a moment of simplicity, like how Kangin just now seems to notice the way the counter is completely too small for a family of three, but Eeteuk somehow manages to position the toaster, the ascending flour pots, and the fruit bowl so that it comes across as cozy. He looks over and smiles as next to him Jaelin dumps half the crayons in the box across the table in search for the pink one, which she’s sitting on.
Eeteuk hurries over with a cup of tea for Kangin and a cup of juice for Jaelin. It’s grape, her favorite. Eeteuk always seems to get everything just right, even though Kangin always gives her apple because he forgets. Eeteuk shoots him a quick smile as he feels Kangin’s eyes on him, before turning away again to look over Jaelin’s little shoulder and murmur in her ear (such a pretty drawing) before he goes over to check the fridge to see what he should make for lunch. It’s 11, they don't eat until 1 normally, but Eeteuk can never sit still so Kangin lets him busy himself and he takes over where the other left off, prodding Jaelin in the side to get her attention.
She doesn't look up right away, and Kangin takes another moment to steal a glance at her. Her tiny tongue is poking out from between her teeth in concentration. Her black hair is wispy, some of it pulled back into a ponytail, the rest of it in a cloud of loose strands around her head, pieces falling into her eyes and twitching on her eyelashes as she blinks. Her small hands curl around the robin’s egg blue, moving carefully and still managing to get everywhere except inside the lines she’s drawn. She finally looks up at him and her face is all smiles, crinkling at the eyes and her baby teeth are growing in wrong in the way where it’s easy to fix and adorable for now. She’ll have braces when she’s older, if they can afford them. Eetuek’s already saving up; he hasn't told Kangin, but their loose change keeps disappearing into an old jar in their closet behind the other man’s shoes. (Kangin has his own can of quarters behind the fridge.)
She smiles and Kangin grins back at her. She pushes the drawing towards him and he tells her it’s the best he’s seen. She pouts at him and tells him if it's the best, then that means her favorite drawing, the one of the frogs that she did last week, isn’t as good. Kangin tells her he loves them both, and she smiles at him again, and everything is right in her little world, just like that. It’s that simple. Kangin’s heart jumps at it and he thinks that if everything is all right in her world, then it’s all right in his.
Eeteuk smiles fondly as he steps on a yellow crayon that rolled off the table and loves the little world in the little yellow kitchen that they’ve built for themselves.
***
“Ouch-“
Donghae rubbed a hand over his toe from having tripped on his way past the threshold and into the small apartment he shared with Eunhyuk. He flicked on the lights, toed off his shoes, threw his jacket over the chair by the lamp, hung his keys on the nail by the door, routine routine routine. He pressed the button on the answering machine on the bar linking the living room to the kitchen, routine-before stopping dead as a voice very opposite of routine echoed through the dim apartment.
It was metallic with the sound of the recorder, but still deep, speaking cheerfully yet professionally. “-wanted to invite you to stop by my office later on this evening, its somewhat important. The address is suite #13, Yaideul-Dak, Youngpyungo-deul, next to the KBS broadcasting building. I’d be glad if you could make it-“
Donghae had stopped listening by now, closing the door behind him, keys in his right hand and a scrap of paper with the address scribbled on it in his left. The door shut with a soft click as the lock was turned.
“-to you later. Come by if you can, Donghae.” Click. Whirr.
***
Donghae walked through the tall, wood paneled doors, looking around at the ceiling in awe. This was a nice building. This was the building of CEO’s and other important people, of managers and people who could afford to live like kings even when they were at work. This was another world apart from Donghae’s, even though it was only a twenty-minute’s drive away. This was ‘the other side of the fence’, and the grass wasn't the only thing that was green. Suddenly Donghae felt like a very lost, very small sheep.
“…Can I…help you?”
Donghae turned to see a pleasant looking receptionist smiling at him somewhat unsure but still welcoming. He smiled back at her, and she raised her eyebrows, prompting him.
“Yes, I’m Donghae, I’m here to see-“
“Oh, yes, you’re here for Mr. Shin, correct? You can go in any time.” She smiled again, wider, gesturing towards the second door from the left.
Donghae smiled back, a little more nervously. The pretty receptionist just watched him and smiled. “Er…right.” said Donghae, and he made his way over to the office she had indicated. Even when he turned his back, he felt her smile trained on him. It was a little unnerving, he thought: being paid to smile.
Shindong called “come in” almost as soon as Donghae had rapped on the door. He opened it a crack, poking his head inside uncertainly, the rest of him following behind. Shindong finished scribbling whatever it was he had been finishing on a stack of official-looking papers and looked up, beaming as he saw Donghae shuffling his feet awkwardly from where he remained in front of the door. He motioned for him to sit.
“Please, come in. How are you? Been good since the last time I saw you?”
“Yes, thank you,” Donghae answered, still taking in the plush office around him.
Shindong chuckled at him. “No need to be nervous. I’m glad to hear you’re well. I bet you're wondering why you’re here, right, although it would seem pretty self-explanatory. Let’s get down to it, shall we?”
“Yes, yes,” Donghae nodded, pausing. “Are you offering us a job?” He blurted, before Shindong had a chance to continue.
Shindong’s answering smile was brilliant. “Yes.”
Donghae nearly choked on his own tongue. “A-are you serious?”
“Yes, I am. You’re so talented I’m amused that you’re surprised. I’m glad Kibum introduced us, he really does know talent when he sees it, doesn't he?” Shindong chuckled again as Donghae continued to gape at him, a smile slowly turning up the corners of his open mouth. “We’re looking into either an assistant teaching position or a back-up for Baek JiYang, for starters. Does that sound alright?” Donghae nodded vigorously and Shindong paused as he felt a jolt in his stomach, faltering for a second. “Er…Donghae. You and Eunhyuk are both very talented-“
“-Thank you we’ve been practicing really hard, it’s always been a, well, I guess you could say passion, but I guess that sounds cheesy, right-“
Donghae cut off when Shindong’s hand came up to silence him. “You’re both very talented. The level of skill you have is amazing, and your choreography as a team is quite impressive...” he trailed off, unsure of how to continue, “This….may be a bit of a shock, or, unfortunately it may not be, however--”
Donghae waited, eyes on Shindong, and his mind was either too focused or not focused enough. Either way, his heart thudded in anticipation and unchecked excitement.
“Our…invitation…does not extend to Eunhyuk.”
Donghae suddenly felt like a freight train hit him square in the chest.
“What?”
“…I’m sorry. Due to his condition, we are unable to accept him.”
Donghae inhaled sharply, wrapping his mind around Shindong’s words, trying to form a response. The only thing he could feel however was the weight of the hope heavy in his stomach. This couldn't be the end of it already. They must have had something wrong. He hadn’t been in the building for more than 10 minutes. Something had to have gone wrong. And at the same time, Donghae knew what was coming next, and he didn't want to hear it. And yet he needed their excuse.
“N-…What?” his voice was cold. He knew without hearing Shindong’s next words what this was all about.
Shindong sighed. “He’s too much of a liability, we can’t-“
“GodDAMMIT I knew it would come down to this it always does-“
“You have to understand, we can’t take such a big risk on someone like him-“
“NO-“ Donghae shouted, pushing back from his chair and gripping his hair. He turned and paced around the office as Shindong watched. “No no NO NO NO-“
“Donghae please calm down-“
Donghae had his back turned. When he faced Shindong, there were already angry tears clouding his eyes and his jaw was set. “You can’t do this to him.”
Shindong folded his hands in front of him, and even though he sat at his dark wood desk, even as his computer whirred quietly next to him, even as he sat straight in his suit, he looked truly apologetic. “I’m sorry, Donghae.”
Shindong waited for Donghae to sit back down before he spoke again. The boy stared at him, breathing heavily. Donghae walked across the small office and collapsed into his chair again. He leaned his arms on his knees and bent over them, his mind completely and utterly blank, and at the same time a cloud of memories and disappointments and things he’s always wanted to say but didn't have the guts to do it and it wasn't his place to do it. And now he had this feeling gripping his heart, this weird asphyxiation-all because he got his hopes up.
Shindong took a deep breath. “Listen, Donghae. I know what it’s like. To have everything right in place for you, but for your best friend there’s nothing. I know what that’s like. To not be able to share something like this with the person you love the most. But…you can’t let that stop you, Donghae. If you constantly live your life for someone else…you wont have your own.”
Donghae stared at his hands, silent. He couldn't believe this was happening-again. They came so close so close and even if Shindong was right, even if he was being a little unreasonable…the only thing he could see was Eunhyuk’s face. Even if Shindong was right, that Donghae was living his life for someone else, that's only because-
“He is my life.” Donghae’s voice was soft. Please, can’t you see it?
Shindong looked down at his hands guiltily. “I’m sorry. We just can’t. You have to understand. If he hurts himself-“
“We’re careful-“ Donghae’s voice was rising again, but Shindong closed his eyes calmly and continued to speak over him.
“-children have cuts all the time, it could go completely unnoticed-“
“We’re CAREFUL-“
“Baek JiYang has cuts all the time! When they say you leave blood on the stage, they aren’t joking!”
“They wouldn't-he wouldn't even be around him!”
“I’m sorry Donghae but it’s not up for discussion!” Donghae had stood up from his chair again, standing in front of Shindong, his hands in fists at his side and his chest rising and falling rapidly. He was worked up again but he didn’t care, how could he not be worked up when they were talking about his best friend like some sort of red mark on a sheet of paperwork, when they weren’t even giving him a chance? Shindong had finally shouted at him, over him, though it wasn't angry; it sounded as if he was pleading with Donghae too. “No one wants this for you more than me, Donghae, you’re both at such an advanced level and you haven’t even had formal training. I’ve been there and I want you to be there too, but-“
“-but?” Donghae cut in aggressively from back in his seat.
“-but it’s out of my control. He’s too much of a liability.”
Donghae stood again abruptly, avoiding Shindong’s eyes and turning for the door. Shindong stopped him as he reached for the handle.
“Please just think about it. I know it will take some time, but your papers are here waiting for you when you’re ready. Just…think about it.”
Donghae walked out the door, past the receptionist, down the stairs and out to his car before he screamed.
***
Donghae let himself into the house, dark in the setting sun. Eunhyuk always waited until it was pitch black and he was running into things to turn on the lights. Donghae’s lips tweaked a little but stopped when his stomach twinged guiltily again. He flicked on the living room light and toed off his shoes. When he looked up, Eunhyuk was there grinning at him.
“You went, didn't you? How was it? What did they say? Are we in? God, I wish I could have been there, if I didn't have work I would have heard the message earlier. I guess they knew I wouldn't be in though, and they probably wanted to talk to you right away, since the message just told you to come in; whatever, it doesn't matter if I was there or not, although I’d have liked to see the office, I bet it was nice, no one ever gets to go in an SM building, not unless they get an offer, or something-oh yeah, so did we get it? Are we in? What did they say?”
Donghae stared at him as Eunhyuk’s voice got tighter and tighter with his rant, cutting off so he stood watching him with bright eyes, catching his breath out of excitement. Donghae wanted to say anything, to smile with Eunhyuk, feel his high, the rush in his veins that stained his cheeks red in anticipation, but even as he opened his mouth to say something, all that came out was a small, choked sound. He closed it and tried again, but again, nothing. His stomach was to the floor and his heart was in his throat and all that was filling the space between was a sick feeling. He wanted to throw up.
Eunhyuk watched him, nerves jumping, waiting for an answer. When all Donghae could do was stare at him, answers written all over his face, realization hit Eunhyuk across the face. His heart plummeted as it dawned on him.
“…It’s my fault, isn’t it?”
Donghae was on him in a second, pulling him towards him roughly and wrapping his arms around him, tight. Eunhyuk was still for a moment, probably out of shock. His entire body trembled once in Donghae’s arms before collapsing, his thin frame shaking. Donghae could feel the shoulder of his t-shirt dampen rapidly. His arms tightened.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, Donghae holding on to Eunhyuk for support and supporting him, Eunhyuk limp and numb. Eunhyuk’s fingers gripped the back of Donghae’s shirt as he slipped out a word between gasps.
“-sorry-“
Donghae pushed Eunhyuk away from him so he could see him. He held onto him by the shoulders, looking him in the face. “No. Eunhyuk…no…”
Eunhyuk looked down and away from him. Donghae brought his hand up to the side of the other’s face, his thumb brushing across his cheek.
“Stop crying…” Eunhyuk’s hand fit over his as he kept wiping away the tears. “Stop crying, stop crying…” Donghae’s voice was soft, begging. He brought his right hand up and placed it, too, on the side of Eunhyuk’s face, drawing his thumb across it in time with his other. “Stop crying…” he chanted, over and over and over again.
Eunhyuk closed his eyes, and the tears clung to his lashes, pooled at the corners of his eyes, rolled down his cheeks, and it was too familiar. He brought his own hands up to Donghae’s face, thumbs mimicking his. They stood there for what felt like hours in the dim light of their living room, silent, cradling each other’s face in their hands and wiping away the tears until they finally ran out.
***
Fandom: Super Junior
Chapter Pairings: KangTeuk, Eunhae
Word Count: 2800
Chapter Rating: PG-13
Overall Summary: he secluded world of South Korea has decayed and it's largest city, Seoul, has fractioned into two seperate halves: the kings and the pawns. Society is different; life is different. People struggle to survive in both worlds, either smothered by the rules of the city or the despair of the slums. The lucky ones managing to balance between the two extreems watch their friends suffer or survive, take or be taken. Still, life churns on, and no matter what hand you have been dealt, you must play the game.
Chapter Summary: There are the two extremes: the city and the slums, and then there is the fine line in between, the small slice of relative normality that only a lucky few get to have. Even so, it doesn't mean they're unharmed or unscarred.
Genre: AU
A/N: LKAJSDFL YOU GUYS IM GOING TO DO THIS LATER IM SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING MY SAKUBUUUUUUUN-- okay so...im sorry i havent been updating, ive just...you kno when you want to write, but you cant? well like that. ive also been preoccupied with life. i didnt even know i had one, but apparently i do. alsoooo i made a survey to ask you all what you want for chapter 7. i am letting you know that i will be taking a bit of creative license with the results, because there is lots of eunhae coming/already written. also: I PROMISE ANSWERS ARE COMING. im telling the truth! believe me, i would know since i...wrote them. anyways, the last part isnt coming out like i want it so itll be constantly tweaked until its fine. i missed you guys! i missed your comments! <3
*also, i may or may not do massive editing on the last bit before the apartment scene, because i wrote half of it one time and the other half another time and its all kind of not workin for me but i want to post because its been almost two months since ive posted fic. ...ew that sounds so long.
[1] [2] [3] [4]
Kangin sits at the whitewashed wicker chair at the whitewashed table in their yellow tiled kitchen. He watches as Eeteuk bustles about at the counter, fussing with a teapot and gathering a few sugar packets from the cupboard. It’s weird, the way you don't really notice things until you look at them in a moment of simplicity, like how Kangin just now seems to notice the way the counter is completely too small for a family of three, but Eeteuk somehow manages to position the toaster, the ascending flour pots, and the fruit bowl so that it comes across as cozy. He looks over and smiles as next to him Jaelin dumps half the crayons in the box across the table in search for the pink one, which she’s sitting on.
Eeteuk hurries over with a cup of tea for Kangin and a cup of juice for Jaelin. It’s grape, her favorite. Eeteuk always seems to get everything just right, even though Kangin always gives her apple because he forgets. Eeteuk shoots him a quick smile as he feels Kangin’s eyes on him, before turning away again to look over Jaelin’s little shoulder and murmur in her ear (such a pretty drawing) before he goes over to check the fridge to see what he should make for lunch. It’s 11, they don't eat until 1 normally, but Eeteuk can never sit still so Kangin lets him busy himself and he takes over where the other left off, prodding Jaelin in the side to get her attention.
She doesn't look up right away, and Kangin takes another moment to steal a glance at her. Her tiny tongue is poking out from between her teeth in concentration. Her black hair is wispy, some of it pulled back into a ponytail, the rest of it in a cloud of loose strands around her head, pieces falling into her eyes and twitching on her eyelashes as she blinks. Her small hands curl around the robin’s egg blue, moving carefully and still managing to get everywhere except inside the lines she’s drawn. She finally looks up at him and her face is all smiles, crinkling at the eyes and her baby teeth are growing in wrong in the way where it’s easy to fix and adorable for now. She’ll have braces when she’s older, if they can afford them. Eetuek’s already saving up; he hasn't told Kangin, but their loose change keeps disappearing into an old jar in their closet behind the other man’s shoes. (Kangin has his own can of quarters behind the fridge.)
She smiles and Kangin grins back at her. She pushes the drawing towards him and he tells her it’s the best he’s seen. She pouts at him and tells him if it's the best, then that means her favorite drawing, the one of the frogs that she did last week, isn’t as good. Kangin tells her he loves them both, and she smiles at him again, and everything is right in her little world, just like that. It’s that simple. Kangin’s heart jumps at it and he thinks that if everything is all right in her world, then it’s all right in his.
Eeteuk smiles fondly as he steps on a yellow crayon that rolled off the table and loves the little world in the little yellow kitchen that they’ve built for themselves.
***
“Ouch-“
Donghae rubbed a hand over his toe from having tripped on his way past the threshold and into the small apartment he shared with Eunhyuk. He flicked on the lights, toed off his shoes, threw his jacket over the chair by the lamp, hung his keys on the nail by the door, routine routine routine. He pressed the button on the answering machine on the bar linking the living room to the kitchen, routine-before stopping dead as a voice very opposite of routine echoed through the dim apartment.
It was metallic with the sound of the recorder, but still deep, speaking cheerfully yet professionally. “-wanted to invite you to stop by my office later on this evening, its somewhat important. The address is suite #13, Yaideul-Dak, Youngpyungo-deul, next to the KBS broadcasting building. I’d be glad if you could make it-“
Donghae had stopped listening by now, closing the door behind him, keys in his right hand and a scrap of paper with the address scribbled on it in his left. The door shut with a soft click as the lock was turned.
“-to you later. Come by if you can, Donghae.” Click. Whirr.
***
Donghae walked through the tall, wood paneled doors, looking around at the ceiling in awe. This was a nice building. This was the building of CEO’s and other important people, of managers and people who could afford to live like kings even when they were at work. This was another world apart from Donghae’s, even though it was only a twenty-minute’s drive away. This was ‘the other side of the fence’, and the grass wasn't the only thing that was green. Suddenly Donghae felt like a very lost, very small sheep.
“…Can I…help you?”
Donghae turned to see a pleasant looking receptionist smiling at him somewhat unsure but still welcoming. He smiled back at her, and she raised her eyebrows, prompting him.
“Yes, I’m Donghae, I’m here to see-“
“Oh, yes, you’re here for Mr. Shin, correct? You can go in any time.” She smiled again, wider, gesturing towards the second door from the left.
Donghae smiled back, a little more nervously. The pretty receptionist just watched him and smiled. “Er…right.” said Donghae, and he made his way over to the office she had indicated. Even when he turned his back, he felt her smile trained on him. It was a little unnerving, he thought: being paid to smile.
Shindong called “come in” almost as soon as Donghae had rapped on the door. He opened it a crack, poking his head inside uncertainly, the rest of him following behind. Shindong finished scribbling whatever it was he had been finishing on a stack of official-looking papers and looked up, beaming as he saw Donghae shuffling his feet awkwardly from where he remained in front of the door. He motioned for him to sit.
“Please, come in. How are you? Been good since the last time I saw you?”
“Yes, thank you,” Donghae answered, still taking in the plush office around him.
Shindong chuckled at him. “No need to be nervous. I’m glad to hear you’re well. I bet you're wondering why you’re here, right, although it would seem pretty self-explanatory. Let’s get down to it, shall we?”
“Yes, yes,” Donghae nodded, pausing. “Are you offering us a job?” He blurted, before Shindong had a chance to continue.
Shindong’s answering smile was brilliant. “Yes.”
Donghae nearly choked on his own tongue. “A-are you serious?”
“Yes, I am. You’re so talented I’m amused that you’re surprised. I’m glad Kibum introduced us, he really does know talent when he sees it, doesn't he?” Shindong chuckled again as Donghae continued to gape at him, a smile slowly turning up the corners of his open mouth. “We’re looking into either an assistant teaching position or a back-up for Baek JiYang, for starters. Does that sound alright?” Donghae nodded vigorously and Shindong paused as he felt a jolt in his stomach, faltering for a second. “Er…Donghae. You and Eunhyuk are both very talented-“
“-Thank you we’ve been practicing really hard, it’s always been a, well, I guess you could say passion, but I guess that sounds cheesy, right-“
Donghae cut off when Shindong’s hand came up to silence him. “You’re both very talented. The level of skill you have is amazing, and your choreography as a team is quite impressive...” he trailed off, unsure of how to continue, “This….may be a bit of a shock, or, unfortunately it may not be, however--”
Donghae waited, eyes on Shindong, and his mind was either too focused or not focused enough. Either way, his heart thudded in anticipation and unchecked excitement.
“Our…invitation…does not extend to Eunhyuk.”
Donghae suddenly felt like a freight train hit him square in the chest.
“What?”
“…I’m sorry. Due to his condition, we are unable to accept him.”
Donghae inhaled sharply, wrapping his mind around Shindong’s words, trying to form a response. The only thing he could feel however was the weight of the hope heavy in his stomach. This couldn't be the end of it already. They must have had something wrong. He hadn’t been in the building for more than 10 minutes. Something had to have gone wrong. And at the same time, Donghae knew what was coming next, and he didn't want to hear it. And yet he needed their excuse.
“N-…What?” his voice was cold. He knew without hearing Shindong’s next words what this was all about.
Shindong sighed. “He’s too much of a liability, we can’t-“
“GodDAMMIT I knew it would come down to this it always does-“
“You have to understand, we can’t take such a big risk on someone like him-“
“NO-“ Donghae shouted, pushing back from his chair and gripping his hair. He turned and paced around the office as Shindong watched. “No no NO NO NO-“
“Donghae please calm down-“
Donghae had his back turned. When he faced Shindong, there were already angry tears clouding his eyes and his jaw was set. “You can’t do this to him.”
Shindong folded his hands in front of him, and even though he sat at his dark wood desk, even as his computer whirred quietly next to him, even as he sat straight in his suit, he looked truly apologetic. “I’m sorry, Donghae.”
Shindong waited for Donghae to sit back down before he spoke again. The boy stared at him, breathing heavily. Donghae walked across the small office and collapsed into his chair again. He leaned his arms on his knees and bent over them, his mind completely and utterly blank, and at the same time a cloud of memories and disappointments and things he’s always wanted to say but didn't have the guts to do it and it wasn't his place to do it. And now he had this feeling gripping his heart, this weird asphyxiation-all because he got his hopes up.
Shindong took a deep breath. “Listen, Donghae. I know what it’s like. To have everything right in place for you, but for your best friend there’s nothing. I know what that’s like. To not be able to share something like this with the person you love the most. But…you can’t let that stop you, Donghae. If you constantly live your life for someone else…you wont have your own.”
Donghae stared at his hands, silent. He couldn't believe this was happening-again. They came so close so close and even if Shindong was right, even if he was being a little unreasonable…the only thing he could see was Eunhyuk’s face. Even if Shindong was right, that Donghae was living his life for someone else, that's only because-
“He is my life.” Donghae’s voice was soft. Please, can’t you see it?
Shindong looked down at his hands guiltily. “I’m sorry. We just can’t. You have to understand. If he hurts himself-“
“We’re careful-“ Donghae’s voice was rising again, but Shindong closed his eyes calmly and continued to speak over him.
“-children have cuts all the time, it could go completely unnoticed-“
“We’re CAREFUL-“
“Baek JiYang has cuts all the time! When they say you leave blood on the stage, they aren’t joking!”
“They wouldn't-he wouldn't even be around him!”
“I’m sorry Donghae but it’s not up for discussion!” Donghae had stood up from his chair again, standing in front of Shindong, his hands in fists at his side and his chest rising and falling rapidly. He was worked up again but he didn’t care, how could he not be worked up when they were talking about his best friend like some sort of red mark on a sheet of paperwork, when they weren’t even giving him a chance? Shindong had finally shouted at him, over him, though it wasn't angry; it sounded as if he was pleading with Donghae too. “No one wants this for you more than me, Donghae, you’re both at such an advanced level and you haven’t even had formal training. I’ve been there and I want you to be there too, but-“
“-but?” Donghae cut in aggressively from back in his seat.
“-but it’s out of my control. He’s too much of a liability.”
Donghae stood again abruptly, avoiding Shindong’s eyes and turning for the door. Shindong stopped him as he reached for the handle.
“Please just think about it. I know it will take some time, but your papers are here waiting for you when you’re ready. Just…think about it.”
Donghae walked out the door, past the receptionist, down the stairs and out to his car before he screamed.
***
Donghae let himself into the house, dark in the setting sun. Eunhyuk always waited until it was pitch black and he was running into things to turn on the lights. Donghae’s lips tweaked a little but stopped when his stomach twinged guiltily again. He flicked on the living room light and toed off his shoes. When he looked up, Eunhyuk was there grinning at him.
“You went, didn't you? How was it? What did they say? Are we in? God, I wish I could have been there, if I didn't have work I would have heard the message earlier. I guess they knew I wouldn't be in though, and they probably wanted to talk to you right away, since the message just told you to come in; whatever, it doesn't matter if I was there or not, although I’d have liked to see the office, I bet it was nice, no one ever gets to go in an SM building, not unless they get an offer, or something-oh yeah, so did we get it? Are we in? What did they say?”
Donghae stared at him as Eunhyuk’s voice got tighter and tighter with his rant, cutting off so he stood watching him with bright eyes, catching his breath out of excitement. Donghae wanted to say anything, to smile with Eunhyuk, feel his high, the rush in his veins that stained his cheeks red in anticipation, but even as he opened his mouth to say something, all that came out was a small, choked sound. He closed it and tried again, but again, nothing. His stomach was to the floor and his heart was in his throat and all that was filling the space between was a sick feeling. He wanted to throw up.
Eunhyuk watched him, nerves jumping, waiting for an answer. When all Donghae could do was stare at him, answers written all over his face, realization hit Eunhyuk across the face. His heart plummeted as it dawned on him.
“…It’s my fault, isn’t it?”
Donghae was on him in a second, pulling him towards him roughly and wrapping his arms around him, tight. Eunhyuk was still for a moment, probably out of shock. His entire body trembled once in Donghae’s arms before collapsing, his thin frame shaking. Donghae could feel the shoulder of his t-shirt dampen rapidly. His arms tightened.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, Donghae holding on to Eunhyuk for support and supporting him, Eunhyuk limp and numb. Eunhyuk’s fingers gripped the back of Donghae’s shirt as he slipped out a word between gasps.
“-sorry-“
Donghae pushed Eunhyuk away from him so he could see him. He held onto him by the shoulders, looking him in the face. “No. Eunhyuk…no…”
Eunhyuk looked down and away from him. Donghae brought his hand up to the side of the other’s face, his thumb brushing across his cheek.
“Stop crying…” Eunhyuk’s hand fit over his as he kept wiping away the tears. “Stop crying, stop crying…” Donghae’s voice was soft, begging. He brought his right hand up and placed it, too, on the side of Eunhyuk’s face, drawing his thumb across it in time with his other. “Stop crying…” he chanted, over and over and over again.
Eunhyuk closed his eyes, and the tears clung to his lashes, pooled at the corners of his eyes, rolled down his cheeks, and it was too familiar. He brought his own hands up to Donghae’s face, thumbs mimicking his. They stood there for what felt like hours in the dim light of their living room, silent, cradling each other’s face in their hands and wiping away the tears until they finally ran out.
***