(no subject)
Saturday night and I just woke up. I can't explain what I am feeling right now. Whether these feelings are really good or just plain scary. The play is finished. It was a success for sure. The cast became very close at the end and I am extremely happy with that and will miss the times we shared. Aside from the play, I asked Jenna, someone who I feel so strongly for and care about dearly to prom. Her response was yes and it was like fireworks going off inside of me and the two feelings of completing the play and having her say yes was a rush of happiness that left me in trance. The feelings I have for Jenna are definatly something I have never felt before. Pondering whether to say it is infactuation, attraction, or even love is something I have given a lot of thought to. I know she's not attracted to me at all..and likes me only as a good friend but I can't help but have these feelings for her and I know that is a recipe for a very difficult friendship. At the after party, I got extremely wasted. Did many stupid things, had someone try and kill me, flashed a bunch of people, and I kissed Jenna. Right now, I feel badly for doing it, I did it before on new years, but now, I know that it was wrong and regret doing it. I went into the play yesterday, thinking i'd lose a friend. A good friend told me who's been in similar situations told me the best thing to do was to just end the friendship if I felt hurt so many times. I was going to tell her, that we couldn't be friends anymore because it just brings me too much pain...while on the other hand so much happiness. From my original plan, I did the exact opposite and instead of losing her as a friend, I made her out to become so much more.I think that I did what my heart told me to. I care about Jenna so much and losing her as a friend would hurt me even more. Im happy now, and even though I might never get her to feel for me like I do her...I still know she's an amazing friend and hope she knows that. This is definatly my most personal entry. Everything inside is coming out. I'm happy, I don't care, Grade 12 is definatly my best year. TO BE CONTINUED...