(no subject)
Yesterday, when I came home for break around 8:30, I walked in to a dark, and seemingly empty house. I assumed no one was home, so I went to climb the stairs to continue talking on my phone in my room, but my mom said something to me. I was surprised because she was laying down in the dark with no lights or TV on, so I asked what was up. She told me that my grandparents’ horse had died earlier. I asked what happened, and she said that Philly (the horse) had stepped into a sink hole and fell down. The horse was older and weaker then normal horses, and she couldn’t get up, so she thrashed. She thrashed and thrashed and thrashed, breaking her leg all of the struggles. Because all of this happened in the middle of the night, no one saw any of it, so no one could help. One of the other horses, Roy, was there when the horse fell in the ditch, and started calling out frantically. Around 4 in the morning, my grandfather saw how upset Roy was and went outside to see what was wrong, and in doing so, he found his horse in a big sink hole, with a broken leg, tired from all of its efforts to get back up. My grandfather ran back in to call a vet, and ran back outside to be with his horse, but by the time he returned, his horse was dead.
When I heard this, it didn’t really phase me too much and I put the phone back up to my ear and kept talking. I guess it didn’t really seem real to me, like it just seemed like something that would happen in a dream. In fact, I guess it felt like a dream… (which kind of scares me)
I went back to work and thought about it for a while. It reminded me of that dream I had a while ago that I told everyone about… The one where Chris and John were stuck in the ditch and I was trying to get them out with my piece of rope. I kept trying to get them out, but I just couldn’t physically do it. It reminded me of Roy, who was watching this horse, his pasture buddy, die right in front of him, and the only thing he could do was holler, which wasn’t enough to save her. When I thought about it, I imagined myself being Roy in the middle of the night hollering as loudly as I could, just like I was holding that rope in my dream. Its really sad that she died(to me anyway) and I feel awful.
Its just so bizarre. No one expected/wanted this to happen, but it just did, out of the blue, and to my grandparents’ horse- why them? I can see how they are hurting, and I can understand what it must be like… but for them, its almost as if they aren’t just loosing a horse, but also loosing the one thing that connects them to their past and their youth. That horse was more than 30 years old. My grandfather used to compete in carriage racing with his Standardbreds, along with breed his racers once they were finished racing. Philly had been the daughter of one of his good racers. Its like she represented all of that- the farm, the racing, the breeding, and my mom and uncle (who were involved in it). Now that she is gone, all that remains of their past racing and horse raising is memories and photographs. I guess its just kind of depressing.
What’s also weird, is that when I heard about this, I got this knot in the inside of my stomach, that scared me. It felt like this was a preview of something bad to come. To whom or what I don’t know, but it struck me. It feels like something bad will happen, its kind of creepy. I could be wrong, and I hope I am. Don’t listen to me though, I’m just tired and have way too much time to dwell on things like this.
Maybe Im just scared that somethings like that could happen to my bennie, so maybe that weird feeling was me trying to imagine what it would be like.
When I heard this, it didn’t really phase me too much and I put the phone back up to my ear and kept talking. I guess it didn’t really seem real to me, like it just seemed like something that would happen in a dream. In fact, I guess it felt like a dream… (which kind of scares me)
I went back to work and thought about it for a while. It reminded me of that dream I had a while ago that I told everyone about… The one where Chris and John were stuck in the ditch and I was trying to get them out with my piece of rope. I kept trying to get them out, but I just couldn’t physically do it. It reminded me of Roy, who was watching this horse, his pasture buddy, die right in front of him, and the only thing he could do was holler, which wasn’t enough to save her. When I thought about it, I imagined myself being Roy in the middle of the night hollering as loudly as I could, just like I was holding that rope in my dream. Its really sad that she died(to me anyway) and I feel awful.
Its just so bizarre. No one expected/wanted this to happen, but it just did, out of the blue, and to my grandparents’ horse- why them? I can see how they are hurting, and I can understand what it must be like… but for them, its almost as if they aren’t just loosing a horse, but also loosing the one thing that connects them to their past and their youth. That horse was more than 30 years old. My grandfather used to compete in carriage racing with his Standardbreds, along with breed his racers once they were finished racing. Philly had been the daughter of one of his good racers. Its like she represented all of that- the farm, the racing, the breeding, and my mom and uncle (who were involved in it). Now that she is gone, all that remains of their past racing and horse raising is memories and photographs. I guess its just kind of depressing.
What’s also weird, is that when I heard about this, I got this knot in the inside of my stomach, that scared me. It felt like this was a preview of something bad to come. To whom or what I don’t know, but it struck me. It feels like something bad will happen, its kind of creepy. I could be wrong, and I hope I am. Don’t listen to me though, I’m just tired and have way too much time to dwell on things like this.
Maybe Im just scared that somethings like that could happen to my bennie, so maybe that weird feeling was me trying to imagine what it would be like.