Not working
I don't really know what to make of myself today. I am rejuvinating by reading and hanging out by the pool in the hammock and in the pool on the little step. I am missing the Opening of the Beaches event but, for some reason, I prefer the solitude and don't feel excited about mingling with thousands of people I don't know.
I actually took a nap today--which I never do--and it felt really, really good. There's something to be said for recharging the batteries with a good ol' nap. Usually I feel guilty about taking such a liberty in the middle of a beautiful day, "What a waste," I usually say to myself, but I'm wondering if I should do away with this kind of attitude because it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. My productivity doesn't change if I nap or don't nap. So I vote for the nap.
So the theme of the day is "Being Nice to Myself." But what does this mean, now? For me it means facing my fear of not working. And "Not Working" is a very anxiety-producing activity because "Working" implies I'm of some use or that I have some purpose. To not have use or purpose freaks me out. I'm just a parasite, living off the good works of others.
So, instead of completely relaxing I make little lists in my head--in my head because writing them down on paper would breach the "Not Working" contract I've made with myself--and thinking about what I'll do when I'm "Working." Which won't start until tomorrow afternoon, because in the morning I'm going to Sunday brunch at one of the only remaining open-air beach venues left in Jacksonville. I haven't been yet, but I've heard it's out of this world. $25 all you can eat sea food and bloody marys. I wonder how much work I'll get done, afterwards.
I actually took a nap today--which I never do--and it felt really, really good. There's something to be said for recharging the batteries with a good ol' nap. Usually I feel guilty about taking such a liberty in the middle of a beautiful day, "What a waste," I usually say to myself, but I'm wondering if I should do away with this kind of attitude because it doesn't seem to get me anywhere. My productivity doesn't change if I nap or don't nap. So I vote for the nap.
So the theme of the day is "Being Nice to Myself." But what does this mean, now? For me it means facing my fear of not working. And "Not Working" is a very anxiety-producing activity because "Working" implies I'm of some use or that I have some purpose. To not have use or purpose freaks me out. I'm just a parasite, living off the good works of others.
So, instead of completely relaxing I make little lists in my head--in my head because writing them down on paper would breach the "Not Working" contract I've made with myself--and thinking about what I'll do when I'm "Working." Which won't start until tomorrow afternoon, because in the morning I'm going to Sunday brunch at one of the only remaining open-air beach venues left in Jacksonville. I haven't been yet, but I've heard it's out of this world. $25 all you can eat sea food and bloody marys. I wonder how much work I'll get done, afterwards.