Untitled Finale
So it seems that everything is where it should be. As far as things that were once going shitty for me. They're all now better, or just gone period, which is good. Now Im able to sleep better at night and not be so damn down anymore. [pat on the back] Most of you may have not noticed, period, that I was going through a very tough and stupid situation here in this local area. Which is good. Not that I have something to hide, but I think Im not a big boy and can handle times like these by myself. And from the looks of it, things have been up and down but has shyt gotten to the point where I have to be beggin on my knees for help? No. Certainly not. Its all good. For the ones I HAVE gone to for some advice and words of wisdom, thank you. Deeply grateful for it all.
Well, recently, things have been pretty odd. I say "odd" because things have been working out not in its usual way. To get more specific, Im seeing signs. I mean, theres always signs that tell us whats good and bad and if we should take a certain road in life or not, but Ive been noticing alot recently. And Ive been able to take control of my life in a sense where I can sorta say Ive put karma on a leash and made it work towards my advantage.
So some of you all may know my relationship situation. It wasnt good. I, too, knew why things were so fucking bad, and I just wasnt doing the right thing to make everything better again. Until one day I was driving and I think to myself that I just didnt want to take shyt from anything anymore, and when I go home, I want one set of arms to hold me and one set of arms only. So I begin to cut ties with some people. Trying to make them understand that the feelings between myself and those people werent good and that itd be much better off to just be friends and ONLY friends. Some didnt approve. Some understood. I didnt care if they gave two shyts or not, at least I proved my point and what was done was done.
To my surprise, the next night, I was prolly the happiest man on earth when I had a chitchat with a certain someone and the words exchanged was about equal to finding the meaning of life. It just felt so damn good. And since then, Ive been noticing alot more that if I just keep true to what I say and how I feel and not let anyone else get in the way, I have that much of a clearer path with that someone. So far? Nothing is in the way. And I pat myself on the back for that one, too.
And now Ive been seeing things written in words that help me in the times I need help the most. From horoscopes to fortune cookies. I swear, ya guys, the past couple of times Ive eaten chinese, the fortune cookies Ive gotten told the truth so much and just made me that much stronger. Perhaps, these are the signs from God Ive been asking him to give me? Ive been undecisive about reenlisting into the military and been having financial issues lately. I didnt know where to go to for help, but then I read this fortune cookie that tells me that I no longer have to worry about a steady income. Now with reenlistment in the near future and almost for certain, I get a phone call from this financial place and they wanted me to come in and talk to them for a bit. So I go and we work out this little diagram on how much Ive been spending from how much Ive been bringing in. Seems I have a good chunk of change left over after bills, I signed up to put a few of that money away and builds interest as time passes. So as the time passes, Ill have some free money to work with. Now that promotion is coming up and Im reaching my two years of current enlistment, Im gonna be looking at some good raises to the paycheck Ive been getting. Then I started to fee as if what I did wasnt as good of an idea, and again, I randomly check out this horoscope on CT and it told me that whatever I was having doubts on at the current time, for me not to worry about it, and to let time take its course, and that I wont see what could have been if I dont wait things out. And I gotta say, that once again, after reading that, I felt so much better.
There is always a decision to be made as time passes. Bad ones and good ones. Some people are just that fucking retarded and always want things to work for them and then they do something stupid without thinking and everything falls apart. There is ALWAYS going to be a time where we just have to admit defeat and tell people that we were wrong for doing what we did. Me? Yea, ive done something stupid. Yea, Ive been wrong at alot of things. I still do, today, get proved wrong. Till the day I die. But how else are we going to learn? Im still new to this lifestyle of being by myself. Im about to turn 21. Ive bought my own car. I pay my own insurance. I live alone. Im paying my bills. I have a job to go to where I earn a paycheck. Better a reason to start expanding my horizons now and see what this world has to offer me. So I take a taste test of everything and everyone. Some things will help me, some things will break me. Life is life. Its how its gonna be wether I like it or not. For sure I would rather do something stupid now and learn from the mistake and not do it again. So that when Im alot older, as an executive supervisor manager guy at some huge business, with a wife and kids, and living in this huge mansion with a white picket fence, I wouldnt do something retarded thatll put everything I worked hard for into deep jeopardy. I refuse to let myself go down like that.
Tis true. Time will only tell. I hate asking myself "what if..." I can only see what can happen if I wait and see. And I have no regrets and second thoughts in doing so.
Thats about it. Thought Id update. =]