First of all, I'm perfectly okay and fine. No lasting damage. (Gill, I hope this doesn't trigger bad memories for you. Again, I'm totally fine
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I realise, I've known for years, it's just, a very big underlining of it. I still have some vestiges of that defensive mechanism I used growing up, of being fatalistic, not caring about myself, as though I don't matter. Easier to be reckless, you know. Love won't let you do that, no way.
My first thoughts were for JJ, I just felt awful about the whole thing, about scaring her. Cause at this stage I know she feels about me the way I feel about her, and just the thought of something like that... yikes. But she actually told me to shut up about it in the hospital, lol. Don't worry though, when I came back home, we had a long talk about it. I think it's one of the reasons we're so strong, we always talk about things and there's nothing we can't say.
We've been a little ridiculous actually, both making sure the other one's okay. I got knocked over and she got a really bad scare. I think I did get the easier one.
Emmy's reacted by being really protective of both of us. And engaging her default behaviour in a crisis, which is feeding us a lot of fruit. I'm not sure why but she always does that, lol.
I was worried about you actually, in posting about it here. I know you've been through a lot, and I didn't want to make you relive any of it. But then I know you'd have told me to shut up too!
I do understand how something traumatic affects people around the incident.
I cut something out of the original entry related to that, as I was trying to be succinct and not ramble. It's something I've wondered about. As a pop culture example, think of Buffy and Dawn on the top of that tower. When they know one of them has to die. I always think - who gets the better end of the deal there? I mean, when you apply it to reality, thinking of somebody you truly love.
Because who wouldn't sacrifice themselves for someone they love? But then... I couldn't do that to her either, inflict that loss upon her. I know how I'd feel... like I would have done anything to stop it.
Obviously it's just a hidieous situation. Yet I can't help but think it's more of a sacrifice to be the one that lives.
I mentioned this to JJ - well, I babbled it, you know me - and she didn't really reply at first. I thought it was probably a bit upsetting, so I babbled about something else. Later though, she brought it up and said she disagreed. If you're alive, you can remember. You can hold the spirit of your love in your mind, much like we can now when we're apart. The pain would fade before the love, in her opinion.
So she'd jump off the cliff first, for me. And I said I'd push her off the cliff, for her. And she said she'd pull me off the cliff along with her, and I said that didn't make any sense, and she said, hey! you're the one who pushed me off a cliff! hehehe
Then we decided what we always do. As long as we're together, we'll be fine. We'd jump off the cliff together. Also, we shouldn't go near any cliffs for a while.
I still wonder, I don't know if I agree about that general scenario... but God I love that girl.
My first thoughts were for JJ, I just felt awful about the whole thing, about scaring her. Cause at this stage I know she feels about me the way I feel about her, and just the thought of something like that... yikes. But she actually told me to shut up about it in the hospital, lol. Don't worry though, when I came back home, we had a long talk about it. I think it's one of the reasons we're so strong, we always talk about things and there's nothing we can't say.
We've been a little ridiculous actually, both making sure the other one's okay. I got knocked over and she got a really bad scare. I think I did get the easier one.
Emmy's reacted by being really protective of both of us. And engaging her default behaviour in a crisis, which is feeding us a lot of fruit. I'm not sure why but she always does that, lol.
I was worried about you actually, in posting about it here. I know you've been through a lot, and I didn't want to make you relive any of it. But then I know you'd have told me to shut up too!
I do understand how something traumatic affects people around the incident.
I cut something out of the original entry related to that, as I was trying to be succinct and not ramble. It's something I've wondered about. As a pop culture example, think of Buffy and Dawn on the top of that tower. When they know one of them has to die. I always think - who gets the better end of the deal there? I mean, when you apply it to reality, thinking of somebody you truly love.
Because who wouldn't sacrifice themselves for someone they love? But then... I couldn't do that to her either, inflict that loss upon her. I know how I'd feel... like I would have done anything to stop it.
Obviously it's just a hidieous situation. Yet I can't help but think it's more of a sacrifice to be the one that lives.
I mentioned this to JJ - well, I babbled it, you know me - and she didn't really reply at first. I thought it was probably a bit upsetting, so I babbled about something else. Later though, she brought it up and said she disagreed. If you're alive, you can remember. You can hold the spirit of your love in your mind, much like we can now when we're apart. The pain would fade before the love, in her opinion.
So she'd jump off the cliff first, for me. And I said I'd push her off the cliff, for her. And she said she'd pull me off the cliff along with her, and I said that didn't make any sense, and she said, hey! you're the one who pushed me off a cliff! hehehe
Then we decided what we always do. As long as we're together, we'll be fine. We'd jump off the cliff together. Also, we shouldn't go near any cliffs for a while.
I still wonder, I don't know if I agree about that general scenario... but God I love that girl.
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