What the Fuck
Ok, I don't get it. Well, actually I do, sort of.
I repeatedly give up my free time to do all sorts of things, run meetings, organize for certain groups, create this, do that. And I try really hard not to expect something in return, and most of the time I succeed. But it REALLY pisses me off when people don't show up to a meeting that I put time into planning, and gave up my free time for. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Yeah I'm nice, good that's what I want to be, but that doesn't give you the RIGHT to walk all over me? Would you be 25 minutes late to a meeting that someone else was leading? Would you skip every week but pretend to be involved anyway and act offended when the LEADER casually asks (not accusingly) where you were? Maybe I'm stretching, but I'm guessing not.
And one person pissed me off more than anyone else tonight. With your "Oh I completely forgot about the meeting tonight. J and I are driving to ____." Awesome. So you forgot about the meeting and then you took one of the members of the group with you. "I have this habit now of just picking up and going somewhere," he says. Well fuck you. FUCK YOU. If I missed ONE meeting last year you got mad! You acted like those meetings were the most important thing in life and that I was offending you for not being there. And you just 'forget' my meetings and expect it to be okay? What the fuck is wrong with you?
But the worst part is that I know I won't really say anything. And if I do, you'll either turn it into me being irrational and overreacting or deny acting the way you did last year. AHH. You cause me more aggravation than anyone I know.
I really need to grow some balls like Megan said tonight. I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING BETTER ABOUT PEOPLE WALKING ALL OVER ME.
I guess not.
Fuck life.
I want out.
**Edit: I called him and explained to him how I felt both hurt and not respected as a leader by him. Furthermore explaining that he was a role model to the group and that him not being there was a big problem concerning group cohesiveness. He admitted that he was wrong in "forgetting" and apologized for missing the meeting. And then tried to give excuses why I should feel bad for making him feel bad. I then told him that it wasn't him missing the meeting that was the problem, but the mere fact(s) that a) he didn't tell me he was going to miss it and b) the flippant attitude he had when he realized he had missed it. After me telling him several times that I didn't want him to commit any more time to VR and that I just wanted him to know how horrid it made me feel, and how unrespected, he finally apologized like he meant it. And I felt good for finally getting him to realize. I think for two reasons. A) because I finally stood up for myself B) because I stood up for myself to him and did not, for once, let him turn it into a discussion that turned into why I was wrong to confront him. I made sure he understood how I felt and I did not take anything else.
So I'm proud of myself and this issue is resolved.
And for those of you that know him. I still love him (not romantically, but as one of my closest friends) and care for him...I just get really aggravated sometimes because he uses our past to treat me badly, and think it's okay because we have that past.**
I repeatedly give up my free time to do all sorts of things, run meetings, organize for certain groups, create this, do that. And I try really hard not to expect something in return, and most of the time I succeed. But it REALLY pisses me off when people don't show up to a meeting that I put time into planning, and gave up my free time for. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Yeah I'm nice, good that's what I want to be, but that doesn't give you the RIGHT to walk all over me? Would you be 25 minutes late to a meeting that someone else was leading? Would you skip every week but pretend to be involved anyway and act offended when the LEADER casually asks (not accusingly) where you were? Maybe I'm stretching, but I'm guessing not.
And one person pissed me off more than anyone else tonight. With your "Oh I completely forgot about the meeting tonight. J and I are driving to ____." Awesome. So you forgot about the meeting and then you took one of the members of the group with you. "I have this habit now of just picking up and going somewhere," he says. Well fuck you. FUCK YOU. If I missed ONE meeting last year you got mad! You acted like those meetings were the most important thing in life and that I was offending you for not being there. And you just 'forget' my meetings and expect it to be okay? What the fuck is wrong with you?
But the worst part is that I know I won't really say anything. And if I do, you'll either turn it into me being irrational and overreacting or deny acting the way you did last year. AHH. You cause me more aggravation than anyone I know.
I really need to grow some balls like Megan said tonight. I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING BETTER ABOUT PEOPLE WALKING ALL OVER ME.
I guess not.
Fuck life.
I want out.
**Edit: I called him and explained to him how I felt both hurt and not respected as a leader by him. Furthermore explaining that he was a role model to the group and that him not being there was a big problem concerning group cohesiveness. He admitted that he was wrong in "forgetting" and apologized for missing the meeting. And then tried to give excuses why I should feel bad for making him feel bad. I then told him that it wasn't him missing the meeting that was the problem, but the mere fact(s) that a) he didn't tell me he was going to miss it and b) the flippant attitude he had when he realized he had missed it. After me telling him several times that I didn't want him to commit any more time to VR and that I just wanted him to know how horrid it made me feel, and how unrespected, he finally apologized like he meant it. And I felt good for finally getting him to realize. I think for two reasons. A) because I finally stood up for myself B) because I stood up for myself to him and did not, for once, let him turn it into a discussion that turned into why I was wrong to confront him. I made sure he understood how I felt and I did not take anything else.
So I'm proud of myself and this issue is resolved.
And for those of you that know him. I still love him (not romantically, but as one of my closest friends) and care for him...I just get really aggravated sometimes because he uses our past to treat me badly, and think it's okay because we have that past.**