Chapter 8 - Fog on the Barrow-Downs
Tom Bombadil- Dario Bmocnarf
Goldberry- Mami Bmocnarf
Frodo- Himself
Sam- Fiona
Merry- Meara
Pippin- Riga
Barrow Wights- Orcs Mauricio and Chris
Chapter 8- Fog on the Barrow-Downs
That night, for the first time in a long while, the four wanderers slept in peace and quiet, and heard no noises. They all awoke refreshed and renewed, and felt as if they had just returned from some peaceful ethereal dream, yet none of them could remember what about. Fiona ran to the window and looked out at the bedewed grass into the distance. Though there were no trees or willows around the house of Mami Bmocnarf, the Old Wood almost blocked the vision as far as the eye could see. However, dark foreboding mounds were evident just beyond the horizon.
Fiona: “We aren’t going there are we?”
Riga who hadn’t really woken up yet threw a pillow at Fiona’s head and mumbled incoherently “Beaver One, Beaver Four….let’s…”
“Don’t you dare start that song!!!!!” yelled Meara as she jumped out of bed and went for Riga’s throat. “And don’t think I will forget about the whole sicking that mad hostess with a broom on Frodo!!!” she continued as Riga slowly turned purple.
Suddenly Riga grabbed her Ann Rice book from the bedside table and smashed it against Meara’s skull in a very Alec-like fashion.
“Meara I’ll save you!!!!!” yelled Fiona as she jumped in on the action.
Suddenly the door sprang open and a very angry looking Mami appeared at the door, broom in hand.
Riga: “Uh oh…”
But before they knew what was happening she went straight for the closet to discover a very scared and flustered looking Frodo hiding amid the snow jackets.
“Seeeeeee he was going to try to finish the job!!!!!!” she screamed hysterically pointing a finger at Frodo.
Kiri: I don’t think he was after you…
Fiona gasps at the bluntness.
Riga: giggles hysterically BONG~!
Just then Dario appeared to offer them all breakfast…and Riga was calmed.
After a quick breakfast, Dario and Mami were nowhere to be found. Fiona was looking around slowly, while the others attempted to pry Riga away from the table.
“Yaaaargh!” cried Frodo in distress as he let go of Riga. “These magical re-filling tables are not funny!”
Just then a scream from another room distracted them all except Meara, who took the opportunity to grab Riga and hold her away from the Japanese rice balls.
Frodo ran quickly in search of Fiona, who had disappeared mysteriously before the scream. He found her just outside one of the bedrooms, shaking in a terrified manner against the wall, and hyperventilating as well.
“Uh, Fiona?” he asked. Being the insensitive bastard that he was, that was the best thing he could come up with. Needless to say, she ignored him.
As Meara and a slightly miffed and hungry Riga walked into the hallway, Fiona ran to them and jumped on them, smacking Frodo on the way. “You guys!!!” she whined, “It was AWFUL!!!!! I wasn’t hungry at breakfast, and I realized that Mami and Dario weren’t there, so I went looking for them. I found them in…” her voice lowered suddenly to a whisper, “in there!” she continued, “They’re…umm…busy,” she coughed, while making strange gestures towards the bedroom.
Meara and Riga scrunched up their faces trying desperately not to laugh, and just as they were about to crack up, Fiona started slapping them. “You guys!!!” she whispered frantically, “I’m not sure they know I saw them!!! They haven’t come out yet or anything.”
Frodo was thoroughly confused, “What in the world is so funny?! I don’t get it! What were they busy doing?”
Meara, who usually goes out of her way to be nice to Frodo, decided to shun him this time along with the others for his stupidity. She turned to Fiona and said, “Well if we heard you scream from the dining room, they can’t not have heard it. So they must know you were there.”
Riga snorted and bluntly said, “Well if they heard the scream and didn’t come out, they are obviously too busy to care whether Fiona saw or not. Lets just go back to the dining room, eh?”
Seeing nothing else to do, Meara, Riga, and Fiona walked quickly to the dining room, while Frodo followed them shouting and demanding to be told what was going on.
They walked into the dining room, and Riga had a fit as she saw that the table was empty. Meara laughed at this, but Fiona, who had missed breakfast, announced that she was suddenly hungry.
Riga turned on Fiona in amazement. “I can’t believe you skipped breakfast just to walk in on our hosts shagging!!!!!!!!!! That is such a bad omen, Fiona!!!!”
Fiona gasped, and looked down at her rumbling stomach. “Oh no! Riga you’re right!!!! If something bad happens today it’ll be all my fault!!!” She crumpled to the floor and began to sob.
Frodo froze as all of the morning’s events suddenly dawned on him, thanks to Riga’s bluntness. He just stood there for a while in amazement, while Meara rolled her eyes and helped Fiona up. “Honestly, Fiona,” she said, “Since when do we listen to anything Riga says?”
Frodo came out of his stupor and interjected, “Well I think it’s a good omen, not a bad one! After all they weren’t doing anything negative! They were shagging! That can’t lead to anything bad…”
Kiri: You’d think that, Mr. Frodo, but you’ve never had to throw a girl down a staircase because her boyfriend was too cheap to pay for an abortion…
Frodo went back to looking extremely confused…
At that moment, Dario and Mami walked in the dining room, causing Meara and Fiona to blush and look away.
Riga looked extremely happy and blurted out, “Wow, that was fast!”
Mami, who is known for sometimes not hearing things like hobbits screaming in surprise (Hint: Fiona!), looked confused and questioned, “What was fast? Huh, Riga?”
Riga snorted as Dario shot her an evil, silencing glare and said sweetly, “Nothing was fast!!!!!!!!!!!” He was blushing madly.
Mami, sensing something was wrong, allowed Dario to run and hide somewhere, but only after he muttered a quick goodbye to the hobbits and reluctantly showed Mami where her beloved broom was. At this point, he didn’t really care much that his guests were in danger of being whacked. He was way too embarrassed.
After Dario had run girlishly out of the room, Mami smiled happily at her guests while waving around her broom. “Broom, Brooom, Brooooooom! I love youuuuu broom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She jumped around, and suddenly noticed that the hobbits were backing slowly up to the door. “Hey, where are you guys going off to?”
“Meep,” squeaked Frodo pitifully.
Meara bravely answered the hostess, “We have to make it to Bree as soon as possible. We’re on something of an important mission…”
Mami stopped jumping and sadly said, “Oh…OK well if you’re sure you have to go…” and she looked sharply at Fiona, whose stomach was grumbling very loudly. “Sweety, didn’t you just eat breakfast??” asked Mami nicely.
Fiona jumped with guilt and stuttered in a speechless manner.
Meara jumped to her rescue and explained, “Oh well see she was discouraged from eating at breakfast due to Riga’s…hmmm…*cough* eating habits.”
Mami’s face lit up as she thought of something to do. “In that case I’ll give all of you lots of food!!!!! For the journey to Bree!!” She dragged her broom with her into the kitchen, and sped out right away with little bags for each of the hobbits that smelled extremely nice…she gave one bag to each hobbit, except she decided it was probably a better idea to give Riga’s bag to Meara, who was more responsible with food than Riga. This caused Riga to become very miffed, and Meara to fluff her feathers with pride…
Meara: Do hobbits even have feathers?
Riga: No! Just read the story and don’t question it!
Meara: Ya I didn’t we think hobbits were of the feathered kind…
At the talk of feathers, Frodo’s hat began to move around very suspiciously, and Frodo began to sneeze phlegm all over Mami’s beautiful wooden floor…
Meara gasped, “FRODO NO!!” But she was too late…
WHACKWHACKWHACKWHACKWHACK!
Fuming, Mami grabbed Frodo and held him over her head. She swung him around and then tossed him violently through the doorway, inducing worried little yelps from Meara. Then she waved her broom threateningly in the doorway and yelled, “PETS SHOULD BE LEFT OUTDOORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She then fainted, and left the three conscious hobbits to tend to the unconscious one.
Meara, Riga, and Fiona rushed to the spot where Frodo lay, a gross blob of blood and phlegm that was anything but attractive. Fiona and Riga backed away in disgust, while Meara hesitantly managed to wake him up. Frodo mumbled something only audible to Meara, and she slapped him forcefully and stomped off into the trees. Frodo, with surprising vivacity, jumped up and ran after her, calling out, “Meara, I didn’t mean it!”
Riga and Fiona looked at each other, confused, and then, since both Frodo and Meara were out of sight, decided to follow the trail of bodily fluids that Frodo had left…
When they found Meara and Frodo it was already noon, and they were sitting on opposite sides of a very tall stone, asleep, with their food bags out. They had obviously sat down to eat lunch. Fiona was about to wake them up when Riga ran over and grabbed her food bag from Meara’s lap victoriously. Riga then sat down between Frodo and Meara and began to stuff her face. Fiona sighed and remembered how hungry she was, so sat down to eat opposite to Riga. Soon, before they could prevent it, all four hobbits were sleeping peacefully against the evil feeling stone.
By the time they woke up, the day was late, and whatever visibility they had before was gone, as an unbearable amount of fog had closed in around them. Fiona was inconsolable. “You guuuys this is all my fault! Remember!? Its because of what I did this morning! Now we’re doomed! All of us!”
Frodo decided to be practical for once in his life. “Ok you women,” he said, “lets just try to move away from these downs, the fog might go away.”
Everyone grumbled at Frodo as he walked off into the fog, but they followed him anyways.
Fiona was extremely annoyed. “Why does such a sexist pig have to be the one trusted with this Pigeon!!!! He’ll probably try to rape the poor bird!!!” And for once, a Frodo bashing comment was not followed by an angry defense from Meara. Frodo must have said something really bad to deserve that!
Meanwhile, Frodo was stumbling through the fog, and realized that he had no idea where the rest of the hobbits were…he called out to them, “Meara! Fiona! Riga, even!!!!!! Where are you??????!!!!!!!”
His call was answered by a cold, dark, lusty voice. “I’m here. I am waiting for you!”
Frodo stood still, a bit excited, but still he protested. “No!” he cried defiantly. But it was too late, for he was seized by a very horny orc.
The orc introduced himself politely as Mauricio, one of the only straight ones still around.
At this Frodo was confused. “Then why do you want me?” he asked,
“I’m a guy!”
Mauricio laughed very hard at this and pulled Frodo closer to him. “Sure…you’re way to pretty to be a guy, and even if you were an especially pretty man, you’d have to be a eunuch, with that lovely voice of yours.”
Frodo sighed…there was no way around it…”Fine, see for yourself, if you must.”
(hmm you can imagine the beginning of a rape scene, your pervy mind can probably come up with a better one than I can)
Mauricio jumped back in surprise as Frodo did up his breeches. “See? I told you so?” he said to the orc.
Mauricio looked terribly traumatized…(I would be too!)
Frodo looked around and saw three other orcs bending over
“GASP” the three she-hobbits! Frodo ran over to Meara’s side and ignored the orcs as he *wink nudge* somehow revived her…
They looked into each others eyes (TEAR) and were about to kiss when Frodo was knocked over the head by the orc called Chris, who yelled loudly, “Hey you gay idiot! Get away from my woman!”
Meara shrieked and slammed her heel into Chris’s nose, causing Chris to fall backward and causing blood to spurt everywhere. The two other orcs ran to their injured friend’s side to aid him.
Many people think that orcs don’t care for each other, but these orcs happen to be Magic card players, and if one of them were to die, they wouldn’t know what they would possibly do with the fallen orc’s deck of cards (They have very little common sense). Their only solution to this problem is to simply keep everyone alive. This provided Meara the time to free Fiona and Riga, and revive (wink nudge) Frodo, and for the four hobbits to get the hell out of there!
The hobbits ran through the fog as fast as they could, and as they were running, they could hear the orcs following them, and singing this song:
“Cold be hand and heart and bone,
And cold be sleep under stone:
Never more to wake on stony bed,
Never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead.
In the black wind the stars shall die,
And still on gold here let them lie,
Till the dark lord lifts his hand
Over dead sea and withered land.”
Riga stopped for a second and smiled. “Ooooh, pretty song!!!!” she said.
Meara grabbed her hand and they kept on running. Fiona suddenly decided to sing another song to cheer Riga up. So she started singing:
“Moo, la vaca
Moo, la vaca
Moo, la vaca”
Just then the hobbits heard another voice complete the song Fiona had started. The mysterious voice said:
“Moo, la misma vaca!”
The voice turned out to be none other than Dario’s! He stepped heroically into view with his hands on his hips. Fiona, forgetting conveniently what she had seen that morning, ran over to Dario and gave him a big hug. Dario called over the other hobbits, who reluctantly clung to him as well, because he had long legs and could run faster than they could.
Dario managed to take them unharmed and (whew) NOT PREGNANT to the road they had been looking for. The hobbits thanked him profusely, and ended up having to pry a very flustered and blushing Fiona off of him…
Dario suddenly remembered something, though, and said, “Ah, yes! You hobbits were in such a hurry to leave this morning that you forgot your ponies, which is the whole reason I came out looking for you…” Then he said in an undertone, “Mami forced me…the ponies kind of ate a couple of her paintings.”
He whistled, and the ponies came trotting up to them. Fiona finally stopped staring at Dario, and ran over to give her long-missed pony a kiss. Fiona likes ponies…almost as much as daisies.
And so they left Dario Bmocnarf forever, riding their ponies through the mist on the road to Bree…
Goldberry- Mami Bmocnarf
Frodo- Himself
Sam- Fiona
Merry- Meara
Pippin- Riga
Barrow Wights- Orcs Mauricio and Chris
Chapter 8- Fog on the Barrow-Downs
That night, for the first time in a long while, the four wanderers slept in peace and quiet, and heard no noises. They all awoke refreshed and renewed, and felt as if they had just returned from some peaceful ethereal dream, yet none of them could remember what about. Fiona ran to the window and looked out at the bedewed grass into the distance. Though there were no trees or willows around the house of Mami Bmocnarf, the Old Wood almost blocked the vision as far as the eye could see. However, dark foreboding mounds were evident just beyond the horizon.
Fiona: “We aren’t going there are we?”
Riga who hadn’t really woken up yet threw a pillow at Fiona’s head and mumbled incoherently “Beaver One, Beaver Four….let’s…”
“Don’t you dare start that song!!!!!” yelled Meara as she jumped out of bed and went for Riga’s throat. “And don’t think I will forget about the whole sicking that mad hostess with a broom on Frodo!!!” she continued as Riga slowly turned purple.
Suddenly Riga grabbed her Ann Rice book from the bedside table and smashed it against Meara’s skull in a very Alec-like fashion.
“Meara I’ll save you!!!!!” yelled Fiona as she jumped in on the action.
Suddenly the door sprang open and a very angry looking Mami appeared at the door, broom in hand.
Riga: “Uh oh…”
But before they knew what was happening she went straight for the closet to discover a very scared and flustered looking Frodo hiding amid the snow jackets.
“Seeeeeee he was going to try to finish the job!!!!!!” she screamed hysterically pointing a finger at Frodo.
Kiri: I don’t think he was after you…
Fiona gasps at the bluntness.
Riga: giggles hysterically BONG~!
Just then Dario appeared to offer them all breakfast…and Riga was calmed.
After a quick breakfast, Dario and Mami were nowhere to be found. Fiona was looking around slowly, while the others attempted to pry Riga away from the table.
“Yaaaargh!” cried Frodo in distress as he let go of Riga. “These magical re-filling tables are not funny!”
Just then a scream from another room distracted them all except Meara, who took the opportunity to grab Riga and hold her away from the Japanese rice balls.
Frodo ran quickly in search of Fiona, who had disappeared mysteriously before the scream. He found her just outside one of the bedrooms, shaking in a terrified manner against the wall, and hyperventilating as well.
“Uh, Fiona?” he asked. Being the insensitive bastard that he was, that was the best thing he could come up with. Needless to say, she ignored him.
As Meara and a slightly miffed and hungry Riga walked into the hallway, Fiona ran to them and jumped on them, smacking Frodo on the way. “You guys!!!” she whined, “It was AWFUL!!!!! I wasn’t hungry at breakfast, and I realized that Mami and Dario weren’t there, so I went looking for them. I found them in…” her voice lowered suddenly to a whisper, “in there!” she continued, “They’re…umm…busy,” she coughed, while making strange gestures towards the bedroom.
Meara and Riga scrunched up their faces trying desperately not to laugh, and just as they were about to crack up, Fiona started slapping them. “You guys!!!” she whispered frantically, “I’m not sure they know I saw them!!! They haven’t come out yet or anything.”
Frodo was thoroughly confused, “What in the world is so funny?! I don’t get it! What were they busy doing?”
Meara, who usually goes out of her way to be nice to Frodo, decided to shun him this time along with the others for his stupidity. She turned to Fiona and said, “Well if we heard you scream from the dining room, they can’t not have heard it. So they must know you were there.”
Riga snorted and bluntly said, “Well if they heard the scream and didn’t come out, they are obviously too busy to care whether Fiona saw or not. Lets just go back to the dining room, eh?”
Seeing nothing else to do, Meara, Riga, and Fiona walked quickly to the dining room, while Frodo followed them shouting and demanding to be told what was going on.
They walked into the dining room, and Riga had a fit as she saw that the table was empty. Meara laughed at this, but Fiona, who had missed breakfast, announced that she was suddenly hungry.
Riga turned on Fiona in amazement. “I can’t believe you skipped breakfast just to walk in on our hosts shagging!!!!!!!!!! That is such a bad omen, Fiona!!!!”
Fiona gasped, and looked down at her rumbling stomach. “Oh no! Riga you’re right!!!! If something bad happens today it’ll be all my fault!!!” She crumpled to the floor and began to sob.
Frodo froze as all of the morning’s events suddenly dawned on him, thanks to Riga’s bluntness. He just stood there for a while in amazement, while Meara rolled her eyes and helped Fiona up. “Honestly, Fiona,” she said, “Since when do we listen to anything Riga says?”
Frodo came out of his stupor and interjected, “Well I think it’s a good omen, not a bad one! After all they weren’t doing anything negative! They were shagging! That can’t lead to anything bad…”
Kiri: You’d think that, Mr. Frodo, but you’ve never had to throw a girl down a staircase because her boyfriend was too cheap to pay for an abortion…
Frodo went back to looking extremely confused…
At that moment, Dario and Mami walked in the dining room, causing Meara and Fiona to blush and look away.
Riga looked extremely happy and blurted out, “Wow, that was fast!”
Mami, who is known for sometimes not hearing things like hobbits screaming in surprise (Hint: Fiona!), looked confused and questioned, “What was fast? Huh, Riga?”
Riga snorted as Dario shot her an evil, silencing glare and said sweetly, “Nothing was fast!!!!!!!!!!!” He was blushing madly.
Mami, sensing something was wrong, allowed Dario to run and hide somewhere, but only after he muttered a quick goodbye to the hobbits and reluctantly showed Mami where her beloved broom was. At this point, he didn’t really care much that his guests were in danger of being whacked. He was way too embarrassed.
After Dario had run girlishly out of the room, Mami smiled happily at her guests while waving around her broom. “Broom, Brooom, Brooooooom! I love youuuuu broom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She jumped around, and suddenly noticed that the hobbits were backing slowly up to the door. “Hey, where are you guys going off to?”
“Meep,” squeaked Frodo pitifully.
Meara bravely answered the hostess, “We have to make it to Bree as soon as possible. We’re on something of an important mission…”
Mami stopped jumping and sadly said, “Oh…OK well if you’re sure you have to go…” and she looked sharply at Fiona, whose stomach was grumbling very loudly. “Sweety, didn’t you just eat breakfast??” asked Mami nicely.
Fiona jumped with guilt and stuttered in a speechless manner.
Meara jumped to her rescue and explained, “Oh well see she was discouraged from eating at breakfast due to Riga’s…hmmm…*cough* eating habits.”
Mami’s face lit up as she thought of something to do. “In that case I’ll give all of you lots of food!!!!! For the journey to Bree!!” She dragged her broom with her into the kitchen, and sped out right away with little bags for each of the hobbits that smelled extremely nice…she gave one bag to each hobbit, except she decided it was probably a better idea to give Riga’s bag to Meara, who was more responsible with food than Riga. This caused Riga to become very miffed, and Meara to fluff her feathers with pride…
Meara: Do hobbits even have feathers?
Riga: No! Just read the story and don’t question it!
Meara: Ya I didn’t we think hobbits were of the feathered kind…
At the talk of feathers, Frodo’s hat began to move around very suspiciously, and Frodo began to sneeze phlegm all over Mami’s beautiful wooden floor…
Meara gasped, “FRODO NO!!” But she was too late…
WHACKWHACKWHACKWHACKWHACK!
Fuming, Mami grabbed Frodo and held him over her head. She swung him around and then tossed him violently through the doorway, inducing worried little yelps from Meara. Then she waved her broom threateningly in the doorway and yelled, “PETS SHOULD BE LEFT OUTDOORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She then fainted, and left the three conscious hobbits to tend to the unconscious one.
Meara, Riga, and Fiona rushed to the spot where Frodo lay, a gross blob of blood and phlegm that was anything but attractive. Fiona and Riga backed away in disgust, while Meara hesitantly managed to wake him up. Frodo mumbled something only audible to Meara, and she slapped him forcefully and stomped off into the trees. Frodo, with surprising vivacity, jumped up and ran after her, calling out, “Meara, I didn’t mean it!”
Riga and Fiona looked at each other, confused, and then, since both Frodo and Meara were out of sight, decided to follow the trail of bodily fluids that Frodo had left…
When they found Meara and Frodo it was already noon, and they were sitting on opposite sides of a very tall stone, asleep, with their food bags out. They had obviously sat down to eat lunch. Fiona was about to wake them up when Riga ran over and grabbed her food bag from Meara’s lap victoriously. Riga then sat down between Frodo and Meara and began to stuff her face. Fiona sighed and remembered how hungry she was, so sat down to eat opposite to Riga. Soon, before they could prevent it, all four hobbits were sleeping peacefully against the evil feeling stone.
By the time they woke up, the day was late, and whatever visibility they had before was gone, as an unbearable amount of fog had closed in around them. Fiona was inconsolable. “You guuuys this is all my fault! Remember!? Its because of what I did this morning! Now we’re doomed! All of us!”
Frodo decided to be practical for once in his life. “Ok you women,” he said, “lets just try to move away from these downs, the fog might go away.”
Everyone grumbled at Frodo as he walked off into the fog, but they followed him anyways.
Fiona was extremely annoyed. “Why does such a sexist pig have to be the one trusted with this Pigeon!!!! He’ll probably try to rape the poor bird!!!” And for once, a Frodo bashing comment was not followed by an angry defense from Meara. Frodo must have said something really bad to deserve that!
Meanwhile, Frodo was stumbling through the fog, and realized that he had no idea where the rest of the hobbits were…he called out to them, “Meara! Fiona! Riga, even!!!!!! Where are you??????!!!!!!!”
His call was answered by a cold, dark, lusty voice. “I’m here. I am waiting for you!”
Frodo stood still, a bit excited, but still he protested. “No!” he cried defiantly. But it was too late, for he was seized by a very horny orc.
The orc introduced himself politely as Mauricio, one of the only straight ones still around.
At this Frodo was confused. “Then why do you want me?” he asked,
“I’m a guy!”
Mauricio laughed very hard at this and pulled Frodo closer to him. “Sure…you’re way to pretty to be a guy, and even if you were an especially pretty man, you’d have to be a eunuch, with that lovely voice of yours.”
Frodo sighed…there was no way around it…”Fine, see for yourself, if you must.”
(hmm you can imagine the beginning of a rape scene, your pervy mind can probably come up with a better one than I can)
Mauricio jumped back in surprise as Frodo did up his breeches. “See? I told you so?” he said to the orc.
Mauricio looked terribly traumatized…(I would be too!)
Frodo looked around and saw three other orcs bending over
“GASP” the three she-hobbits! Frodo ran over to Meara’s side and ignored the orcs as he *wink nudge* somehow revived her…
They looked into each others eyes (TEAR) and were about to kiss when Frodo was knocked over the head by the orc called Chris, who yelled loudly, “Hey you gay idiot! Get away from my woman!”
Meara shrieked and slammed her heel into Chris’s nose, causing Chris to fall backward and causing blood to spurt everywhere. The two other orcs ran to their injured friend’s side to aid him.
Many people think that orcs don’t care for each other, but these orcs happen to be Magic card players, and if one of them were to die, they wouldn’t know what they would possibly do with the fallen orc’s deck of cards (They have very little common sense). Their only solution to this problem is to simply keep everyone alive. This provided Meara the time to free Fiona and Riga, and revive (wink nudge) Frodo, and for the four hobbits to get the hell out of there!
The hobbits ran through the fog as fast as they could, and as they were running, they could hear the orcs following them, and singing this song:
“Cold be hand and heart and bone,
And cold be sleep under stone:
Never more to wake on stony bed,
Never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead.
In the black wind the stars shall die,
And still on gold here let them lie,
Till the dark lord lifts his hand
Over dead sea and withered land.”
Riga stopped for a second and smiled. “Ooooh, pretty song!!!!” she said.
Meara grabbed her hand and they kept on running. Fiona suddenly decided to sing another song to cheer Riga up. So she started singing:
“Moo, la vaca
Moo, la vaca
Moo, la vaca”
Just then the hobbits heard another voice complete the song Fiona had started. The mysterious voice said:
“Moo, la misma vaca!”
The voice turned out to be none other than Dario’s! He stepped heroically into view with his hands on his hips. Fiona, forgetting conveniently what she had seen that morning, ran over to Dario and gave him a big hug. Dario called over the other hobbits, who reluctantly clung to him as well, because he had long legs and could run faster than they could.
Dario managed to take them unharmed and (whew) NOT PREGNANT to the road they had been looking for. The hobbits thanked him profusely, and ended up having to pry a very flustered and blushing Fiona off of him…
Dario suddenly remembered something, though, and said, “Ah, yes! You hobbits were in such a hurry to leave this morning that you forgot your ponies, which is the whole reason I came out looking for you…” Then he said in an undertone, “Mami forced me…the ponies kind of ate a couple of her paintings.”
He whistled, and the ponies came trotting up to them. Fiona finally stopped staring at Dario, and ran over to give her long-missed pony a kiss. Fiona likes ponies…almost as much as daisies.
And so they left Dario Bmocnarf forever, riding their ponies through the mist on the road to Bree…