Chapter 7 - In the House of Mami Bmocnarf
Saruman- Kiri Gottfried
Tom Bombadil- Dario
Goldberry- Mami
Frodo- Himself
Sam- Fiona
Merry- Meara
Pippin- Riga
Chapter 7: In the House of Mami Bmocnarf
Kiri: Die! Muha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
The four halfwits walked into the small cozy home of Mami, and Mami alone.
Mami: He he! I paid for it! Go me!
Before they could go another step, Mr.Frodo was met with a hard whack across the face by a broom.
“SHOES OFF! SHOES OFF! DON’T TRAIL DIRT INTO MY JAPANESE HOME!” A slight, very pretty woman raised the broom in threat again.
Meara was miffed and burst out, “You idiot! Don’t you dare-”
WHACK! And Meara fell to the floor beside Frodo. Riga and Fiona shrunk back in fear.
Riga let out a little meep followed by, “I always take my shoes off...if us hobbits had any...”
At this Mami lowered her broom and titled her head with a small “eh?” Then, all of a sudden, it dawned on her.
Kiri: It also dawned on Riga at about this point...
Riga: Huh?
“OH MY GOD! I AM SOOOOO SORRY. OHHH, DARIO WILL NEVER LET ME LIVE IT DOWN” She scrambled over to where Meara and Frodo lay on the ground, faces bright tomato red.
“I’M SO SORRY, HERE LET ME-eeeeeeeew! What happened to this?” she turned away in disgust.
“That’s Mr.Frodo” Piped Riga.
“Awwwww” Mami ran over and gave Riga a hug, “How cute, she named it!”
At that moment Dario arrived and was about to step in when...
WHACK
“Arrgh! Mami!” he yelled angrily.
“It wasn’t me!” cried Mami in her defense.
Kiri: Muha ha ha ha ha...
Dario saw the two poor hobbits on the ground, “Sheesh, Mami! Again? And you wonder why we live deep in the forest...away from civilization which equals company for you to whack.” He gave her a look. He then helped Meara and Mr.Frodo to their feet without any problems (Not including Mami insisting on keeping pets out of the house and offered to tie Mr.Frodo on a leash out in the back until they were on their way again)
Then Mami went off to the kitchen and began cooking dinner for the party.
Dario sat all the hobbits down at the table and got them sake. “I’m sorry about Mami. She really has a good heart. She just never really
recovered from that incident with the squirrel...” he told them.
“What incident?” Asked Fiona, upset about being ignored so far in this chapter.
“Yummy! Rodents!” Exclaimed Riga. Meara gave her a look. “What? The rat-on-a-stick I had at Kiri’s house was quite nice...I’ll be quiet now...aing!” Riga sipped her sake and glared at everyone except Mami because she was making the food.
Dario seemed to have tensed. “You know the White Wizard?” he asked, barely above a whisper.
“Who?” Fiona and Meara asked. Mr.Frodo remembered Scott mention that name once.
Riga, happy from all the sake replied a tad wee bit too loud, “Yeah! Kiri, of coarse I know her! Why? Do you?”
Loud squeal from the kitchen, “Oh my god! Kiri! How is she?! I haven’t talked to her in the loooooooooooooongest time! He he he he he he he he he he he!” She started jumping about.
“Mami, the food will burn,” commented Dario. He did not seem pleased.
“Awwwwww, but it’s your sister-” Mami pleaded.
“Go cook, woman!” Dario cried forcefully.
Fiona jumped up and ran to help in the kitchen.
“Machista!” spat Mami. “Muha, learned that from your sister. Means a bastard who thinks women are less than him and should be stuck with doing all the work.” Mami seemed pleased with remembering the word.
All four hobbits were extremely confused. Mr.Frodo then asked,
“Kiri, Kiri the White? I think you’re thinking of the wrong Kiri. I mean, Riga
wouldn’t know such an important person.”
“DIEEEEE!” Riga lunged at Mr.Frodo. Once she had him on the ground, she then tried to scratch his eyes out. “DIE BITCH!” Riga was very angry....
Meara was suddenly distracted by something in the sky out of the window...
Mr.Frodo, scared half to death, grabbed Riga’s throat in self-defense. Riga
bashed him on the nose. Mr.Frodo cried out in his little wimpy scream.
Meara finally stopped staring at that thing in the sky (Will we ever find out
what it is? Dun dun dun....) “Riga you idiot! What are you doing to him, or what have you done?” Meara ran to Mr.Frodo’s side and proceeded to wipe away the blood. “Hold still, you’re not making this any...stop!” she said frantically.
“It hurts though!” whimpered Mr.Frodo.
A very smug looking Riga stuck out her tongue, “That’s what you get for trying to rape me, bitch.”
“Rape you?!” cried Meara.
Dario started to clean up the sake he had spilt over the table when he snorted.
“Yes, that bastard has no right to put his hands on any part of my body.” At this moment, Mami and Fiona came running in. They hadn’t come earlier because they wanted to finish everything off in the kitchen first. Mami was the first to take action.
“All right, where’s the rapist?” she said, and the hobbits were terrified…
Riga pointed at Mr.Frodo before Meara could figure out what Mami was asking.
Dario groaned and got up in attempt to stop what was about to happen, a second too late though-
WHACK
-Darkness-
Mr.Frodo woke up to a throbbing head. After a while he remembered everything that had taken place until Mami had whacked him in the nose with the broom.
After laying for a while he began to hear voices from the other room.
“I didn’t mean to! The poor cute little hobbit was in trouble. I was simply
trying to help her!”
“That didn’t mean rendering one of our guests unconscious, Mami.”
“He’s a man...halfing... a male. He can take it!”
“Mami.”
“What?”
Silence
“I’m hungry!”
“Shush, Riga.” That was Fiona, thought Mr.Frodo...where was Meara?
“I’ll go check up on him.” Chair scraping, followed sharply by another chair scraping as someone quickly got up.
“No, Mami!”
“What?! I’m only going to check on him!”
“Yes, and you’ll find a new reason to whack him.”
Silence.
“I would not...”
“Then give me the broom.”
“No!”
“Mami-”
“I say we let her take the broom, no harm for Frodo to take a few more whacks to the head.”
“See, Riga agrees with me!”
“So you were going to whack him.”
Mr.Frodo suddenly got frightened.
“It was in case I needed to defend myself. After what happened to Riga, no one knows what he might do.”
“He was trying to defend himself from Riga!”
“That’s his excuse!”
“Lilo, sweetheart, we’ll call Stu and -ugh- Kiri and catch up with them. Then we’ll move somewhere more...less secluded.”
“Really?”
“Yes”
“Meep! Stitch!”
At this point Fiona and Riga madly scrambled into Frodo’s room. They made another mad dash and jumped onto the bed and started to bounce. Riga fell off.
“You’re such a freak Riga,” exclaimed Meara, having been seated on a chair right at the end of Mr.Frodo’s bed. Mr.Frodo panicked, -I didn’t know she was there!-
“Hey, sorry, we had to escape a mad snogging session out there,” said Riga bluntly before Fiona whacked her across the head.
“Don’t be so blunt Riga,” Fiona scolded.
“You think I’m blunt? Wait until you do meet Kiri,” said Riga.
Sometime later~
“FOOD!” Three hobbits ran to the table and began to help themselves. The table was piled high with all sorts of Japanese food. Even better, Kiri and Dario’s mom had given Mami some Mexican and Spanish recipes. The night was full of laughter and the wonderful smell of tacos and lime. Fortunately, the rest of the night held no more incidents and Mami finally put the broom away.
After completely stuffing themselves, thinking that their seams were about to
burst, the hobbits called it a night. Mami showed them to their rooms and explained to them where to find the bathroom. She then gave Fiona and Riga a
goodnight hug and nodded to Meara and Mr.Frodo.
The hobbits spent some time at the house of Mami, as the couple never seemed to fail at entertaining them with their bickering.
“Mami, it’s just a spider.”
“Kill it! Ohoo hoo hoo! Kill it! Eeep! It’s getting closer!” cried Mami from on top of a chair, Riga holding onto her since she was on the chair as well.
“The things I do for love.”
“Yay! Oh Dario, thank you!”
And so the time passed in the house of Mami Bmocnarf…
Tom Bombadil- Dario
Goldberry- Mami
Frodo- Himself
Sam- Fiona
Merry- Meara
Pippin- Riga
Chapter 7: In the House of Mami Bmocnarf
Kiri: Die! Muha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
The four halfwits walked into the small cozy home of Mami, and Mami alone.
Mami: He he! I paid for it! Go me!
Before they could go another step, Mr.Frodo was met with a hard whack across the face by a broom.
“SHOES OFF! SHOES OFF! DON’T TRAIL DIRT INTO MY JAPANESE HOME!” A slight, very pretty woman raised the broom in threat again.
Meara was miffed and burst out, “You idiot! Don’t you dare-”
WHACK! And Meara fell to the floor beside Frodo. Riga and Fiona shrunk back in fear.
Riga let out a little meep followed by, “I always take my shoes off...if us hobbits had any...”
At this Mami lowered her broom and titled her head with a small “eh?” Then, all of a sudden, it dawned on her.
Kiri: It also dawned on Riga at about this point...
Riga: Huh?
“OH MY GOD! I AM SOOOOO SORRY. OHHH, DARIO WILL NEVER LET ME LIVE IT DOWN” She scrambled over to where Meara and Frodo lay on the ground, faces bright tomato red.
“I’M SO SORRY, HERE LET ME-eeeeeeeew! What happened to this?” she turned away in disgust.
“That’s Mr.Frodo” Piped Riga.
“Awwwww” Mami ran over and gave Riga a hug, “How cute, she named it!”
At that moment Dario arrived and was about to step in when...
WHACK
“Arrgh! Mami!” he yelled angrily.
“It wasn’t me!” cried Mami in her defense.
Kiri: Muha ha ha ha ha...
Dario saw the two poor hobbits on the ground, “Sheesh, Mami! Again? And you wonder why we live deep in the forest...away from civilization which equals company for you to whack.” He gave her a look. He then helped Meara and Mr.Frodo to their feet without any problems (Not including Mami insisting on keeping pets out of the house and offered to tie Mr.Frodo on a leash out in the back until they were on their way again)
Then Mami went off to the kitchen and began cooking dinner for the party.
Dario sat all the hobbits down at the table and got them sake. “I’m sorry about Mami. She really has a good heart. She just never really
recovered from that incident with the squirrel...” he told them.
“What incident?” Asked Fiona, upset about being ignored so far in this chapter.
“Yummy! Rodents!” Exclaimed Riga. Meara gave her a look. “What? The rat-on-a-stick I had at Kiri’s house was quite nice...I’ll be quiet now...aing!” Riga sipped her sake and glared at everyone except Mami because she was making the food.
Dario seemed to have tensed. “You know the White Wizard?” he asked, barely above a whisper.
“Who?” Fiona and Meara asked. Mr.Frodo remembered Scott mention that name once.
Riga, happy from all the sake replied a tad wee bit too loud, “Yeah! Kiri, of coarse I know her! Why? Do you?”
Loud squeal from the kitchen, “Oh my god! Kiri! How is she?! I haven’t talked to her in the loooooooooooooongest time! He he he he he he he he he he he!” She started jumping about.
“Mami, the food will burn,” commented Dario. He did not seem pleased.
“Awwwwww, but it’s your sister-” Mami pleaded.
“Go cook, woman!” Dario cried forcefully.
Fiona jumped up and ran to help in the kitchen.
“Machista!” spat Mami. “Muha, learned that from your sister. Means a bastard who thinks women are less than him and should be stuck with doing all the work.” Mami seemed pleased with remembering the word.
All four hobbits were extremely confused. Mr.Frodo then asked,
“Kiri, Kiri the White? I think you’re thinking of the wrong Kiri. I mean, Riga
wouldn’t know such an important person.”
“DIEEEEE!” Riga lunged at Mr.Frodo. Once she had him on the ground, she then tried to scratch his eyes out. “DIE BITCH!” Riga was very angry....
Meara was suddenly distracted by something in the sky out of the window...
Mr.Frodo, scared half to death, grabbed Riga’s throat in self-defense. Riga
bashed him on the nose. Mr.Frodo cried out in his little wimpy scream.
Meara finally stopped staring at that thing in the sky (Will we ever find out
what it is? Dun dun dun....) “Riga you idiot! What are you doing to him, or what have you done?” Meara ran to Mr.Frodo’s side and proceeded to wipe away the blood. “Hold still, you’re not making this any...stop!” she said frantically.
“It hurts though!” whimpered Mr.Frodo.
A very smug looking Riga stuck out her tongue, “That’s what you get for trying to rape me, bitch.”
“Rape you?!” cried Meara.
Dario started to clean up the sake he had spilt over the table when he snorted.
“Yes, that bastard has no right to put his hands on any part of my body.” At this moment, Mami and Fiona came running in. They hadn’t come earlier because they wanted to finish everything off in the kitchen first. Mami was the first to take action.
“All right, where’s the rapist?” she said, and the hobbits were terrified…
Riga pointed at Mr.Frodo before Meara could figure out what Mami was asking.
Dario groaned and got up in attempt to stop what was about to happen, a second too late though-
WHACK
-Darkness-
Mr.Frodo woke up to a throbbing head. After a while he remembered everything that had taken place until Mami had whacked him in the nose with the broom.
After laying for a while he began to hear voices from the other room.
“I didn’t mean to! The poor cute little hobbit was in trouble. I was simply
trying to help her!”
“That didn’t mean rendering one of our guests unconscious, Mami.”
“He’s a man...halfing... a male. He can take it!”
“Mami.”
“What?”
Silence
“I’m hungry!”
“Shush, Riga.” That was Fiona, thought Mr.Frodo...where was Meara?
“I’ll go check up on him.” Chair scraping, followed sharply by another chair scraping as someone quickly got up.
“No, Mami!”
“What?! I’m only going to check on him!”
“Yes, and you’ll find a new reason to whack him.”
Silence.
“I would not...”
“Then give me the broom.”
“No!”
“Mami-”
“I say we let her take the broom, no harm for Frodo to take a few more whacks to the head.”
“See, Riga agrees with me!”
“So you were going to whack him.”
Mr.Frodo suddenly got frightened.
“It was in case I needed to defend myself. After what happened to Riga, no one knows what he might do.”
“He was trying to defend himself from Riga!”
“That’s his excuse!”
“Lilo, sweetheart, we’ll call Stu and -ugh- Kiri and catch up with them. Then we’ll move somewhere more...less secluded.”
“Really?”
“Yes”
“Meep! Stitch!”
At this point Fiona and Riga madly scrambled into Frodo’s room. They made another mad dash and jumped onto the bed and started to bounce. Riga fell off.
“You’re such a freak Riga,” exclaimed Meara, having been seated on a chair right at the end of Mr.Frodo’s bed. Mr.Frodo panicked, -I didn’t know she was there!-
“Hey, sorry, we had to escape a mad snogging session out there,” said Riga bluntly before Fiona whacked her across the head.
“Don’t be so blunt Riga,” Fiona scolded.
“You think I’m blunt? Wait until you do meet Kiri,” said Riga.
Sometime later~
“FOOD!” Three hobbits ran to the table and began to help themselves. The table was piled high with all sorts of Japanese food. Even better, Kiri and Dario’s mom had given Mami some Mexican and Spanish recipes. The night was full of laughter and the wonderful smell of tacos and lime. Fortunately, the rest of the night held no more incidents and Mami finally put the broom away.
After completely stuffing themselves, thinking that their seams were about to
burst, the hobbits called it a night. Mami showed them to their rooms and explained to them where to find the bathroom. She then gave Fiona and Riga a
goodnight hug and nodded to Meara and Mr.Frodo.
The hobbits spent some time at the house of Mami, as the couple never seemed to fail at entertaining them with their bickering.
“Mami, it’s just a spider.”
“Kill it! Ohoo hoo hoo! Kill it! Eeep! It’s getting closer!” cried Mami from on top of a chair, Riga holding onto her since she was on the chair as well.
“The things I do for love.”
“Yay! Oh Dario, thank you!”
And so the time passed in the house of Mami Bmocnarf…