Thoughts while I linger.
So here I am, again, in the computer lab at my school, just doing nothing because I have a gigantic gap between classes (or just 2 1/2 hours.) I haven't updated in the past 2 weeks so I figured I might as well.
School has been a big mess with me. I haven't had any motivation to go to classes although I try to go. I think I'm almost maxed out on absenses your alloted from almost all my classes and its only been 3 1/2 weeks. There's just something I find uncomfortable about the classes. I'm interested in the topics, but I'm falling behind on my work. I didn't have my Marketing textbook until this Tuesday, which means I went 3 weeks without a book, that basically was 6 chapters. I'm glad he gives outlines in the form of powerpoints and pdfs, but those are useless if you don't understand what's going on or his explanations.
Financial Accounting is extremely tough. Usually I don't have a hard time with accounting, but there was a year of no accounting classes and because of that and my lack of refreshing my memory, there's a lot of hazzy stuff going on when my teacher tells us to do things like an income statement or bank reconciliation. even something small like a cash flow chart seems like a huge undertaking. I think I really need a crash course on my Principles of accounting.
Outside of school, I've been doing nothing really productive. All I do is spend my money on manga, which I haven't been reading because of the workload I get from school. I went two weeks without lunch during school days because I basically can't spend the money, it has to all go to my bank account to pay for preorders. I think I should definitely consider saving money for future preorders so I don't go through the same crap next time.
Speaking of money, I need a job. I've been unemployed for the past year and although I like the freedom and open days, I don't have anything to do to fill them out. With my spending habits and school, I need some extra cash to have in my pocket. I can't live on allowance until after college, that's just irresponsible and rediculously lazy of me. I'm grateful that i'm getting allowance because some people don't, but a job would be even better.
Food has been a no go. I keep going up and down in weight like the tides and waves of the ocean. I'll weigh myself one day and i'll have lost 5-10lbs, and then a couple of days later gain it all or more back. Again, it only seems like i'm eating 1 or 2 meals a day. Snacks are literally nonexistant and breakfast is something i have to force myself to eat in order to function in the morning. Today I had couple of grapes and some bread and a cup of joe. I would love to get lunch but I have no money so there won't be any eating until maybe 5pm, when i get home, so thats a 9 hour gap between my "breakfast" and what would be lunch. not good.
On tuesday I was watching the biggest loser on NBC. Damn, it actually is kind of motivating to watch these people, who are WAY bigger than me work out probably twice/three times more than me. It makes me wonder if I were to start exercising for an hour a day and restrict the variety of food I eat will I lose the 10-25lbs that they lost in there first week. Now I know losing that much lbs in one week is pretty unhealthy and probably bad for you, but you have to understand that I've been a fat person for so long. over 10 years of fat weighing me down from doing things that all my friends can/want to do. It sucks being fat and I know that I have to change and become the normal kid I was when I was younger, but it's when I start to think about the things I have to do that I start to get overwhelmed with everything. I'm expecting to do a 180% but that never works for me and even though I want to go slow, there are always people who say my way is no good way. I wish they could just see how hard it is to be fat and try to lose weight. Its a lot more mentally challenging for a fat person to lose weight than you might think. Sure you think it'll be a breeze since your skinny and think if you were fat you could lose weight. You already have that mentality of health and wanting to do things. I don't know what i'm complaining about, I'm just really sick of myself for letting this go on for so long and It might come off as me being a bitchy but fuck that. I'm fat and I need to slim up!
I guess i'll end it here. Happy Birthday to september people, Deshaun, and whoever else =)
See you next break!
School has been a big mess with me. I haven't had any motivation to go to classes although I try to go. I think I'm almost maxed out on absenses your alloted from almost all my classes and its only been 3 1/2 weeks. There's just something I find uncomfortable about the classes. I'm interested in the topics, but I'm falling behind on my work. I didn't have my Marketing textbook until this Tuesday, which means I went 3 weeks without a book, that basically was 6 chapters. I'm glad he gives outlines in the form of powerpoints and pdfs, but those are useless if you don't understand what's going on or his explanations.
Financial Accounting is extremely tough. Usually I don't have a hard time with accounting, but there was a year of no accounting classes and because of that and my lack of refreshing my memory, there's a lot of hazzy stuff going on when my teacher tells us to do things like an income statement or bank reconciliation. even something small like a cash flow chart seems like a huge undertaking. I think I really need a crash course on my Principles of accounting.
Outside of school, I've been doing nothing really productive. All I do is spend my money on manga, which I haven't been reading because of the workload I get from school. I went two weeks without lunch during school days because I basically can't spend the money, it has to all go to my bank account to pay for preorders. I think I should definitely consider saving money for future preorders so I don't go through the same crap next time.
Speaking of money, I need a job. I've been unemployed for the past year and although I like the freedom and open days, I don't have anything to do to fill them out. With my spending habits and school, I need some extra cash to have in my pocket. I can't live on allowance until after college, that's just irresponsible and rediculously lazy of me. I'm grateful that i'm getting allowance because some people don't, but a job would be even better.
Food has been a no go. I keep going up and down in weight like the tides and waves of the ocean. I'll weigh myself one day and i'll have lost 5-10lbs, and then a couple of days later gain it all or more back. Again, it only seems like i'm eating 1 or 2 meals a day. Snacks are literally nonexistant and breakfast is something i have to force myself to eat in order to function in the morning. Today I had couple of grapes and some bread and a cup of joe. I would love to get lunch but I have no money so there won't be any eating until maybe 5pm, when i get home, so thats a 9 hour gap between my "breakfast" and what would be lunch. not good.
On tuesday I was watching the biggest loser on NBC. Damn, it actually is kind of motivating to watch these people, who are WAY bigger than me work out probably twice/three times more than me. It makes me wonder if I were to start exercising for an hour a day and restrict the variety of food I eat will I lose the 10-25lbs that they lost in there first week. Now I know losing that much lbs in one week is pretty unhealthy and probably bad for you, but you have to understand that I've been a fat person for so long. over 10 years of fat weighing me down from doing things that all my friends can/want to do. It sucks being fat and I know that I have to change and become the normal kid I was when I was younger, but it's when I start to think about the things I have to do that I start to get overwhelmed with everything. I'm expecting to do a 180% but that never works for me and even though I want to go slow, there are always people who say my way is no good way. I wish they could just see how hard it is to be fat and try to lose weight. Its a lot more mentally challenging for a fat person to lose weight than you might think. Sure you think it'll be a breeze since your skinny and think if you were fat you could lose weight. You already have that mentality of health and wanting to do things. I don't know what i'm complaining about, I'm just really sick of myself for letting this go on for so long and It might come off as me being a bitchy but fuck that. I'm fat and I need to slim up!
I guess i'll end it here. Happy Birthday to september people, Deshaun, and whoever else =)
See you next break!