(no subject)
Gert: Evening, cats and kittens. Gert & Chase on the wire at WART, bringing yet another unusual cross-sampling of music. That's one way of putting it, anyway.
Chase: So tonight, we're only playing songs that don't suck.
Gert: Which means you'll be getting a lot of talking. What were you people thinking? Anyway, first up is our opener, from the smart-assed boy in the dog house. He doesn't deserve any of the slack I'm giving him.
Chase: I deserve at least half the slack you're giving me.
Gert: Uh-huh. You keep telling yourself that, see how much more trouble it gets you into.
Chase: Anyway, this is Tripping Daisy - I Got a Girl. (Lyric)
Chase: And how could anyone resist a man that plays a song like that?
Gert: This isn't a matter of whether or not you're irresistable, sweet cheeks, it's about whether or not you can keep your lips to yourself. ...And myself.
Chase: My lips belong to you and only you!
Gert: Well, isn't that just the sweetest sentiment I've ever heard. You'll probably like this. From Lord Peter Wimsey, "to all the romantics at the school", we've got Katharin Whalen - 'Deed I Do (Lyric). I still can't believe you didn't tell me. Spineless jerk.
Chase: Oh, hey, while we're speaking of... our next batch of songs is from all you spineless anonymous...es...is...All you people that didn't want to be named.
Gert: Chase is a cheating ass. In any case, here comes Great Big Sea - Beat The Drum (Lyric), Faith & the Muse - Iago's Demise (Lyric), Barenaked Ladies - That Was Fun (Lyric), Queen - Hard Headed Woman, The Iguanas - Don't Treat Her Mean (Lyric), and Dandelion Wine - Store Song.
Chase: I keep telling you, I was the kiss-ee! Not the kiss-er! I -- Oh, uh. Welcome back, folks.
Gert: We're having a discussion, don't try and change the subject!
Chase: Baby, we're on the air.
Gert: Right. Because you care so much about appearances and all. Play something else, then, I'm not done talking about this.
Chase: Fine. For Special Agent Dale Cooper, from yet another lamer unidentified who owns the Lost Boys soundtrack, INXS - Laying Down the Law (Lyric).
Chase: Hey, remember when that guy from INXS strangled himself? Good times.
Gert: Good times like playing tonsil-hockey with the scrawny chick in New York?
Chase: KISS-EE!
Gert: Whatever.
Chase: Uh. Dead guy.
Gert: Yeah. But, speaking of dead people. Nico, you and I need to have a talk. After the show. In the meantime, here's Matchbox Twenty - Feel, "To the boy who wants to be Superboy. We both know who's the REAL fake." How charming.
Chase: How can someone be a real fake? Isn't that, like, opposites?
Gert: Pot, this is Kettle. Kettle, this is Pot. Go sit in the corner, oxy-moron.
Chase: Anyway, next up we have a couple requests. From Sugar Kane, Bessie Smith - Do Your Duty.
Gert: It's "just some good advice for fellas who like a girl", she says. Huh.
Gert: Nny has asked us to set aside some special time in honor of his "new island territory and Cherry the Tasmanian devil", and asked us to play U2 - Van Diemen's Land . He'd also like us to "unveil the new national anthem of Devinesia (formerly Tasmania), Blue Oyster Cult - Veteran Of The Psychic Wars (Lyric). Way to conquer.
Chase: To "one of our newest applicants", from Nota, we've got --
Gert: Nota?
Chase: Yeah. Nota Man.
Gert: Victor is probably more of a man than you are. Just play the damn song.
Chase: And how do you know how much of a ... man Victor is?
Gert: You're pathetic. This is Voltaire - The Sexy Data Tango.
Chase: Woah. I guess I don't need to worry about him stealing you after all.
Gert: You thought Victor would -- I can't -- you're -- I can not believe you.
Chase: Oh, please! I've seen the way he looks at you!
Gert: The way he -- he doesn't... You're being ridiculous! Victor is not interested in me.
Chase: Well, yeah. Apparantly he wants the Data guy.
Gert: Ugh! You are such an idiot, that's not what he was... Could you be any more dense?!
Chase: Probably! ... Wait, what?
Gert: Victor is not interested in me. The Data song is a joke. You are an idiot. Just, play another song.
Chase: Uh. This one's brought to you by the letter "V.", or something. Rick Springfield -Jessie's Girl.
Gert: You leave Victor out of this! He isn't the one you were sucking face with!
Chase: How could I have been, he was with you the whole time!
Gert: He was, and I am going to feed you to my dinosaur. And, to muffle the sound of your screams, here's Two Gallants - Los Cruces Jail (Lyric), from Nny, Beth Gibbons & Rustin' Man - Mysteries (Lyric), from Susan, and from Hermes to "the proponents of the myth about the Snake and the Apple. Don't ever change, y'all." Drew Bunting - Sewanee Mountain.
Chase: I'm not dead, you know.
Gert: Shut up.
Chase: You didn't even go get the dinosaur.
Gert: I said, shut up.
Chase: Speaking of people who need to shut up, here's Bonnie Raitt - Home (Lyric), "To all the people back in Twin Peaks".
Gert: Guess we lied about not playing stuff that sucks. Damn. Not really surprising, since some of us lie about everything else.
Chase: Yeah. Like saying you're gonna feed someone to a dinosaur, but all you really do is sit in the recording studio lip-synching.
Gert: Or saying you care about someone and trust them, but you won't even bother trying to talk to them.
Chase: okay, then we'll talk. But let's put another song on first. We got another one from Hermes for you, to his "big brother -- doughty in heart, thick in skull." This is Jonny McGovern - Soccer Practice.
Chase: ...
Gert: ...
Chase: Wow.
Gert: Yeah.
Chase: ...So.
Gert: Sadako sent in a request. Let's play it for her. Here's Steeleye Span - The Elf-Knight (Lyric).
Chase: Was that, like, a Dungeons and Dragons thing?
Gert: I've played D&D before, you know. It's geek-girl training material.
Chase: I never played it. I was too busy being popular in high school.
Gert: You've got no depth. The pretty-boy jock with his head up his own ass. No wonder this isn't working out.
Chase: Hey! I'll have you know I've got plenty of depth! I'm like... like...
Gert: A kiddie pool?
Chase: ... Here's another song. Tom Smith - Alien Adventures (Lyric), from Luna.
Chase: Dude, Alien was a totally bitchin' movie.
Gert: For once, I couldn't agree more.
Chase: See? We're totally on the same wavelength.
Gert: All you need is love, and Sigourney Weaver?
Chase: Speaking of love, here's a song from Bernard Black. Leslie Fish - Good Ship Venus (Lyric). ... See, I do know some things.
Gert: I don't know why I ever doubted you. Just play the song, already.
Gert: . . . Okay, that was disgusting.
Chase: ::laughing::
Gert: Hilarious, but also disgusting.
Chase: Hot damn, that was funny. But, we gotta get back to business. Some dumbass requested this song, "from no one in particular, to no one in particular, for no reason in particular", Danielle Cales - Sewn Closed.
Gert: Way to give us no reason in particular to play it, genius.
Chase: Think of it like a favor.
Gert: A very, very big favor.
Chase: So, nobody in particular, let us know who you are so we can collect.
Gert: We will be 'round to cash in on that. It's bad Karma if you don't pay up.
Chase: And nobody likes bad Karma.
Gert: Not even mechanics?
Chase: ... And yet I'm the stupid one. How does that even work?
Gert: With wordplay, almost anything is forgivable.
Chase: I bet I can tell a better joke than that crap.
Gert: Oh, by all means, pumpkin. Entertain.
Chase: All right. All right. So. This lady walks into a store, right? She buys one bag of chips, one tin of tuna, and one can of soda. She goes up to the counter and the guy says, 'You know, I bet you're single.' 'Why?' She asked him, 'because I bought one of everything?' 'No' ::snicker:: He says, 'because you're ugly'.
Gert: . . . I can top that.
Chase: Oh, no you can't.
Gert: I totally can.
Chase: Let's hear it, then, hotshot.
Gert: So, this family (a mom, a dad, a son, a daughter, and their dog) walks into a talent agent's office and the dad says, 'We have the most amazing act you've ever --
Chase:Well, boys and girls, that's all we've got time for tonight.
Gert: ::laughing:: Next up to run this gauntlet is Nightwing, so be sure to send him all your requests. As always, the floo lines are wide open. Just remember, kiddies: bad music makes you stupid.
Chase: So tonight, we're only playing songs that don't suck.
Gert: Which means you'll be getting a lot of talking. What were you people thinking? Anyway, first up is our opener, from the smart-assed boy in the dog house. He doesn't deserve any of the slack I'm giving him.
Chase: I deserve at least half the slack you're giving me.
Gert: Uh-huh. You keep telling yourself that, see how much more trouble it gets you into.
Chase: Anyway, this is Tripping Daisy - I Got a Girl. (Lyric)
Chase: And how could anyone resist a man that plays a song like that?
Gert: This isn't a matter of whether or not you're irresistable, sweet cheeks, it's about whether or not you can keep your lips to yourself. ...And myself.
Chase: My lips belong to you and only you!
Gert: Well, isn't that just the sweetest sentiment I've ever heard. You'll probably like this. From Lord Peter Wimsey, "to all the romantics at the school", we've got Katharin Whalen - 'Deed I Do (Lyric). I still can't believe you didn't tell me. Spineless jerk.
Chase: Oh, hey, while we're speaking of... our next batch of songs is from all you spineless anonymous...es...is...All you people that didn't want to be named.
Gert: Chase is a cheating ass. In any case, here comes Great Big Sea - Beat The Drum (Lyric), Faith & the Muse - Iago's Demise (Lyric), Barenaked Ladies - That Was Fun (Lyric), Queen - Hard Headed Woman, The Iguanas - Don't Treat Her Mean (Lyric), and Dandelion Wine - Store Song.
Chase: I keep telling you, I was the kiss-ee! Not the kiss-er! I -- Oh, uh. Welcome back, folks.
Gert: We're having a discussion, don't try and change the subject!
Chase: Baby, we're on the air.
Gert: Right. Because you care so much about appearances and all. Play something else, then, I'm not done talking about this.
Chase: Fine. For Special Agent Dale Cooper, from yet another lamer unidentified who owns the Lost Boys soundtrack, INXS - Laying Down the Law (Lyric).
Chase: Hey, remember when that guy from INXS strangled himself? Good times.
Gert: Good times like playing tonsil-hockey with the scrawny chick in New York?
Chase: KISS-EE!
Gert: Whatever.
Chase: Uh. Dead guy.
Gert: Yeah. But, speaking of dead people. Nico, you and I need to have a talk. After the show. In the meantime, here's Matchbox Twenty - Feel, "To the boy who wants to be Superboy. We both know who's the REAL fake." How charming.
Chase: How can someone be a real fake? Isn't that, like, opposites?
Gert: Pot, this is Kettle. Kettle, this is Pot. Go sit in the corner, oxy-moron.
Chase: Anyway, next up we have a couple requests. From Sugar Kane, Bessie Smith - Do Your Duty.
Gert: It's "just some good advice for fellas who like a girl", she says. Huh.
Gert: Nny has asked us to set aside some special time in honor of his "new island territory and Cherry the Tasmanian devil", and asked us to play U2 - Van Diemen's Land . He'd also like us to "unveil the new national anthem of Devinesia (formerly Tasmania), Blue Oyster Cult - Veteran Of The Psychic Wars (Lyric). Way to conquer.
Chase: To "one of our newest applicants", from Nota, we've got --
Gert: Nota?
Chase: Yeah. Nota Man.
Gert: Victor is probably more of a man than you are. Just play the damn song.
Chase: And how do you know how much of a ... man Victor is?
Gert: You're pathetic. This is Voltaire - The Sexy Data Tango.
Chase: Woah. I guess I don't need to worry about him stealing you after all.
Gert: You thought Victor would -- I can't -- you're -- I can not believe you.
Chase: Oh, please! I've seen the way he looks at you!
Gert: The way he -- he doesn't... You're being ridiculous! Victor is not interested in me.
Chase: Well, yeah. Apparantly he wants the Data guy.
Gert: Ugh! You are such an idiot, that's not what he was... Could you be any more dense?!
Chase: Probably! ... Wait, what?
Gert: Victor is not interested in me. The Data song is a joke. You are an idiot. Just, play another song.
Chase: Uh. This one's brought to you by the letter "V.", or something. Rick Springfield -Jessie's Girl.
Gert: You leave Victor out of this! He isn't the one you were sucking face with!
Chase: How could I have been, he was with you the whole time!
Gert: He was, and I am going to feed you to my dinosaur. And, to muffle the sound of your screams, here's Two Gallants - Los Cruces Jail (Lyric), from Nny, Beth Gibbons & Rustin' Man - Mysteries (Lyric), from Susan, and from Hermes to "the proponents of the myth about the Snake and the Apple. Don't ever change, y'all." Drew Bunting - Sewanee Mountain.
Chase: I'm not dead, you know.
Gert: Shut up.
Chase: You didn't even go get the dinosaur.
Gert: I said, shut up.
Chase: Speaking of people who need to shut up, here's Bonnie Raitt - Home (Lyric), "To all the people back in Twin Peaks".
Gert: Guess we lied about not playing stuff that sucks. Damn. Not really surprising, since some of us lie about everything else.
Chase: Yeah. Like saying you're gonna feed someone to a dinosaur, but all you really do is sit in the recording studio lip-synching.
Gert: Or saying you care about someone and trust them, but you won't even bother trying to talk to them.
Chase: okay, then we'll talk. But let's put another song on first. We got another one from Hermes for you, to his "big brother -- doughty in heart, thick in skull." This is Jonny McGovern - Soccer Practice.
Chase: ...
Gert: ...
Chase: Wow.
Gert: Yeah.
Chase: ...So.
Gert: Sadako sent in a request. Let's play it for her. Here's Steeleye Span - The Elf-Knight (Lyric).
Chase: Was that, like, a Dungeons and Dragons thing?
Gert: I've played D&D before, you know. It's geek-girl training material.
Chase: I never played it. I was too busy being popular in high school.
Gert: You've got no depth. The pretty-boy jock with his head up his own ass. No wonder this isn't working out.
Chase: Hey! I'll have you know I've got plenty of depth! I'm like... like...
Gert: A kiddie pool?
Chase: ... Here's another song. Tom Smith - Alien Adventures (Lyric), from Luna.
Chase: Dude, Alien was a totally bitchin' movie.
Gert: For once, I couldn't agree more.
Chase: See? We're totally on the same wavelength.
Gert: All you need is love, and Sigourney Weaver?
Chase: Speaking of love, here's a song from Bernard Black. Leslie Fish - Good Ship Venus (Lyric). ... See, I do know some things.
Gert: I don't know why I ever doubted you. Just play the song, already.
Gert: . . . Okay, that was disgusting.
Chase: ::laughing::
Gert: Hilarious, but also disgusting.
Chase: Hot damn, that was funny. But, we gotta get back to business. Some dumbass requested this song, "from no one in particular, to no one in particular, for no reason in particular", Danielle Cales - Sewn Closed.
Gert: Way to give us no reason in particular to play it, genius.
Chase: Think of it like a favor.
Gert: A very, very big favor.
Chase: So, nobody in particular, let us know who you are so we can collect.
Gert: We will be 'round to cash in on that. It's bad Karma if you don't pay up.
Chase: And nobody likes bad Karma.
Gert: Not even mechanics?
Chase: ... And yet I'm the stupid one. How does that even work?
Gert: With wordplay, almost anything is forgivable.
Chase: I bet I can tell a better joke than that crap.
Gert: Oh, by all means, pumpkin. Entertain.
Chase: All right. All right. So. This lady walks into a store, right? She buys one bag of chips, one tin of tuna, and one can of soda. She goes up to the counter and the guy says, 'You know, I bet you're single.' 'Why?' She asked him, 'because I bought one of everything?' 'No' ::snicker:: He says, 'because you're ugly'.
Gert: . . . I can top that.
Chase: Oh, no you can't.
Gert: I totally can.
Chase: Let's hear it, then, hotshot.
Gert: So, this family (a mom, a dad, a son, a daughter, and their dog) walks into a talent agent's office and the dad says, 'We have the most amazing act you've ever --
Chase:Well, boys and girls, that's all we've got time for tonight.
Gert: ::laughing:: Next up to run this gauntlet is Nightwing, so be sure to send him all your requests. As always, the floo lines are wide open. Just remember, kiddies: bad music makes you stupid.