Application for Vala Mal Doran, Stargate SG-1.
Vala looked round in confusion, her hand going for the knife down the side of her boot. She'd been with the rest of the team, hadn't she? They'd been scouting out some hideous backwater pub looking for a contact. She'd even got dressed up to play the part of the hardened criminal, leather and all, and they'd been about to walk through in to the bar area - except this really wasn't the right place any more. This wasn't even the pub.
"Anybody there?"
No response. A cursory search of the room revealed nothing except for a table with a piece of parchment, and a quill hovering above it. Right. A levitating feather. As magic tricks went, pretty pathetic, but still...never scoff at a miracle, she always said. Leaning over, she read the first line aloud.
State your full name.
"My full name?"
As she spoke, the quill begin to write a perfect replica of her words. Intrigued (it had to be worth quite something if she could find a buyer), she tried to pluck it from the air, but it wriggled from her hold.
"Okay, okay." She considered the question. It sounded a little too much like an interrogation: there was no telling who was behind all this. Probably someone she'd stolen from crossed one two many times. It wasn't Daniel, that was for sure; his idea of a practical joke was to cover her bed in plastic coins. "Okay then, I'll tell you. But only because I'm feeling generous - don't go getting the idea you can ask me questions any time you like. I'm Vala Mal Doran."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Favourite cheese? Now that was just silly. But she was here, and there weren't many other options, so.... "The stuff with the red wax around the outside," she said firmly.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Was this supposed to mean something? Never mind. Vala's Rulebook, #13: when in doubt, bluff. "Well, the answer to that is clearly Barney. I make a point of doing all my killings in alphabetical order, and I'd seriously recommend you do too. It saves so much trouble."
3. What time is it where you are?
She glanced at her watch. "Fifteen twenty-two," she said. If it sounded a little smug then it was simply because she was finally getting used to the ridiculous way the military kept time. What was the point in having a clock that went from one to twelve if you were going to use numbers up to twenty-four?!
"But I suppose I have no way of knowing if that's the time where I am now. I don't even know where I am now, and I'll have you know that's very disconcerting."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"I have no idea who this...Albus...is." The mention of an Order worried her a tiny bit: she'd taken to reading books about what Daniel called 'conspiracy theories', and she was still a more than a little concerned about the possibility of one of those secret societies suddenly taking over. "Anyway, I think if you returned from the dead you'd be more worried about suddenly being not-dead than you would about sex. Even I didn't think about sex when I came back to life, and believe me, with Daniel there, that was quite the achievement."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"I can answer this one!" She grinned. "I actually used to be a bartender. Just for a little while - you wouldn't believe how great a cover it is for smuggling. It was called The Treasure Trove, and the number of people who came in thinking it was actually a treasure trove...." She laughed, brushing her hair back out of her eyes, and added casually, "Of course, once they were inside, we robbed them blind. All in a day's work."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Fred, definitely." She said this with perfectly straight face and a serious expression. "Honestly, I don't know how you could even contemplate the idea of him and George!"
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Oh, well, that's easy. What you need is fire." These questions were becoming more and more bizarre, and while Vala had always been one to appreciate the ridiculous, she was getting a little bored. "Set fire to everything."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
She frowned. "I'll have you know I'm the best thief this side of the universe. But I suppose if you don't appreciate that...." She sighed. "Your loss."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
She schooled her features in to indifference. "Bribery, you say? Well, in case you hadn't noticed, this outfit doesn't leave much room to hide items suitable for bribery." She ran her hands down her body, as if to back up her statement, and nimble fingers plucked a necklace of gold and rubies from the top of her boot. "Although...I do have this necklace." She held it up to the light, the rubies sparkling all shades of red. "A priceless treasure, in fact, and one I was going to give to Daniel as a present, but-" her lips settled in to a tiny pout- "I suppose I could be persuaded to part with it."
I have read the
hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ______Vala______
I have read the
hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ______Vala_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ______Vala_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _______Vala______"
"Anybody there?"
No response. A cursory search of the room revealed nothing except for a table with a piece of parchment, and a quill hovering above it. Right. A levitating feather. As magic tricks went, pretty pathetic, but still...never scoff at a miracle, she always said. Leaning over, she read the first line aloud.
State your full name.
"My full name?"
As she spoke, the quill begin to write a perfect replica of her words. Intrigued (it had to be worth quite something if she could find a buyer), she tried to pluck it from the air, but it wriggled from her hold.
"Okay, okay." She considered the question. It sounded a little too much like an interrogation: there was no telling who was behind all this. Probably someone she'd stolen from crossed one two many times. It wasn't Daniel, that was for sure; his idea of a practical joke was to cover her bed in plastic coins. "Okay then, I'll tell you. But only because I'm feeling generous - don't go getting the idea you can ask me questions any time you like. I'm Vala Mal Doran."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Favourite cheese? Now that was just silly. But she was here, and there weren't many other options, so.... "The stuff with the red wax around the outside," she said firmly.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Was this supposed to mean something? Never mind. Vala's Rulebook, #13: when in doubt, bluff. "Well, the answer to that is clearly Barney. I make a point of doing all my killings in alphabetical order, and I'd seriously recommend you do too. It saves so much trouble."
3. What time is it where you are?
She glanced at her watch. "Fifteen twenty-two," she said. If it sounded a little smug then it was simply because she was finally getting used to the ridiculous way the military kept time. What was the point in having a clock that went from one to twelve if you were going to use numbers up to twenty-four?!
"But I suppose I have no way of knowing if that's the time where I am now. I don't even know where I am now, and I'll have you know that's very disconcerting."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"I have no idea who this...Albus...is." The mention of an Order worried her a tiny bit: she'd taken to reading books about what Daniel called 'conspiracy theories', and she was still a more than a little concerned about the possibility of one of those secret societies suddenly taking over. "Anyway, I think if you returned from the dead you'd be more worried about suddenly being not-dead than you would about sex. Even I didn't think about sex when I came back to life, and believe me, with Daniel there, that was quite the achievement."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"I can answer this one!" She grinned. "I actually used to be a bartender. Just for a little while - you wouldn't believe how great a cover it is for smuggling. It was called The Treasure Trove, and the number of people who came in thinking it was actually a treasure trove...." She laughed, brushing her hair back out of her eyes, and added casually, "Of course, once they were inside, we robbed them blind. All in a day's work."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Fred, definitely." She said this with perfectly straight face and a serious expression. "Honestly, I don't know how you could even contemplate the idea of him and George!"
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Oh, well, that's easy. What you need is fire." These questions were becoming more and more bizarre, and while Vala had always been one to appreciate the ridiculous, she was getting a little bored. "Set fire to everything."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
She frowned. "I'll have you know I'm the best thief this side of the universe. But I suppose if you don't appreciate that...." She sighed. "Your loss."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
She schooled her features in to indifference. "Bribery, you say? Well, in case you hadn't noticed, this outfit doesn't leave much room to hide items suitable for bribery." She ran her hands down her body, as if to back up her statement, and nimble fingers plucked a necklace of gold and rubies from the top of her boot. "Although...I do have this necklace." She held it up to the light, the rubies sparkling all shades of red. "A priceless treasure, in fact, and one I was going to give to Daniel as a present, but-" her lips settled in to a tiny pout- "I suppose I could be persuaded to part with it."
I have read the
hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ______Vala______
I have read the
hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ______Vala_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ______Vala_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _______Vala______"