Application for Maxim (Girl Genius)
((Maxim has a very thick Eastern European derived accent- I apologize if it gets confusing. Maxim is a 'Jägermonster' - they doesn't really have any special 'powers' persay, but have superhuman strength and resiliency as well as highly enhanced senses of smell (and hearing in Maxim's case). His right arm is mechanical, but, doesn't appear to be 'special', merely a functional replacement (unless something's yet to be revealed in his canon).))
"Vell now, dis iz confuzink. . . Oggie? Dimo? Vere are hyus?"
What appeared on a glance to be a quite attractive young man appeared in the Sorting Room, looking very perplexed- that he had purple skin and pointed ears were immediate evidence that he was something other than human. Aside from the bluish scales and silver spikes on the single pauldron he wore, he was perfectly coordinated in purple and red, with gold accents. He adjusted the jaunty wide-brimmed hat atop his long purple hair, attempting to figure out where he was. Moments before, he'd been in audience with the Jägergenerals, and now, he was. . . somewhere castle-y.
"Am hy in de kestle, mebbe? Hullo, Miz Agatha? Are hyu here?" Maxim, the newest arrival at Hogwarts, could only think of one nearby castle, which did happen to contain a good-enough explanation as to why he might suddenly appear there. Where sparks were concerned, anything might happen. But, it didn't take more than a few seconds for Maxim to notice the utter lack of gears, clanks, the previously mentioned individuals, and, anything remotely sparky. "Dis is kind ov fonny. . ." he mumbled to no one in particular, as the realization that he was Somewhere Else began to set in. Sudden transportation to Somewhere Else was pretty odd, but, odd was a matter of course when dealing with mad science- and Maxim was not only used to mad science, he was a product of it.
Jägermonsters were not known for their brains, and this is what Maxim was. Jägermonsters were made for fighting, and to enjoy it! Thus, Maxim's first response was to try all the doors, and when they failed, he attempted to exit by brute force, throwing himself against the magically unyielding barriers with snarls of enthusiasm. Most people would have quickly realized the futility of this, but, Maxim continued to launch himself at doors until there could be no questions about his situation. Even incredibly stupid ones. After at least fifteen minutes of futile door-breaking efforts, Maxim finally took a break, during which the quill floated up and began to pointedly stab at the application. "Vritink? Vy has dere gots to be vritink? Hy's better at fightink."
State your name.
Maxim grabbed hold of the quill with an artificial hand of some black metal, adorned with red, gripping it clumsily as he scrawled out "M-a-x-i-m", slowly stating his name as he attempted to spell it out. The quill seemed to resist his efforts, eventually yanking itself out of his hand to re-scribe his efforts in a much swifter and neater handwriting. "Ho! Hyu write for me! Iz goot." Given the sparky-stuff Jägers were used to, a self-scribing quill was nothing shocking, and far better than writing. Jägers were meant to wield weapons, not pens.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
A game of disembodied questions was definitely a bit funny, but, Maxim didn't mind answering- especially since he had a good answer to this one. Or, what he considered a good answer.
"Vot's my favorite cheeze? Dat's the cheeze vot came mit dis nize hat!" Maxim tilted his hat with his left hand (this one of flesh, and wickedly clawed) so that it once more sat upon his head in an appropriately jaunty fashion. "Iz a bit ov a long story, but iz a goot vun. It started vay back in de day, ven de old Heterodynes vere still around. . ." The quill, seemingly satisfied and realizing that Maxim was about to launch into a story for which there was not enough space on the page and which would prove a bit of a spoiler, stabbed at the next question.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Although Maxim was a bit disappointed that the quill didn't want to scribe his 'goot story', this next question wasn't too bad either. "Dun't know either ov dem! Do either ov dem gots a nize hat? Nizer den dis vun?" The quill merely stabbed at the paper, insisting upon an answer, not a question. "Vell, hy suppoze vatever vun I meet first! Hy always like a goot fight! Dey can fight, yez? I dun't care about dem if dey can't, iz no fun dat vay." Maxim's mouth spread far too wide as he grinned, literally ear-to-ear, revealing all of his extremely sharp teeth. To keep him moving along, the quill pointed at the next question.
3. What time is it where you are?
"Vy dun't hyu tell me? Or iz dere a clock?" There weren't any windows that Maxim could see, and, he wasn't about to waste effort on thinking. "Mebbe de evenink? Iz just a guess." Seemingly satisfied enough, the quill moved him along to the next question.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
This was a kind of hard question. Not only was it rather long and convoluted, Maxim had no idea what an Albus Dumbledore, a Sirius Black, or an Order of the Phoenix were. About the only part that made sense was 'sexually harass', and so Maxim chose to answer based off what he knew. "Hy luff de gorls! If hyu vant to show dese Order ov de Phoenix gorls to me, I kin tell hyu vat vuns hy like? Or does 'all ov dem' vork?" It was a good enough answer for the quill, as, it prodded at the next question.
5. If you are pushing to be in-
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Do dese ever end? Hy iz gettink tired of dese questions." Maxim thought pretty hard- 'clever and witty' was not really Jäger territory, even if Maxim was capable of being pretty clever for a Jäger. Clever for a Jäger was only clever by relative standards. "De. . . Nize Hat?" he proposed after a moment. "Ve vould have de shows mit Jägergorls, like at Mamma Gkika's."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The first half of the question was perplexing enough to think about, as, Maxim didn't know Harry, Fred, or George, and, the second half only made it worse. Asking a Jägermonster to bolster an arguement with examples from world mythology was like asking one to do calculus. "Hokay. . . Hy dun't know. He should. . .stay single? Iz most fun dat vay. Dese qvestions are veird, even for sparky schtuff. Dis is some sort ov sparky schtuff, yah?"
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
This one was more up a Jäger's alley. "Becauze hyu got de stupid desk job. Hyu should get de real goot job, like fightink! Den you dun't have to do de papervork. Or hyu need more minions? Dey alvays did de papervork for de Heterodynes."
D. Hufflepuff- Prove you are not useless.
"Hy can fight! Dat's not useless. I'll fight anyvun hyu send!" Another overly-toothy smile appeared on the Jäger's features, as he looked about expectantly, as if expecting someone to fight right then and there. When they didn't appear, and the quill started stabbing at the paper again, he sighed. "Mebbe later?"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Offering his recently-obtained hat as a bribe was simply unthinkable, and although he didn't technically need it, Maxim didn't feel well offering his sword. Aside from these things and his clothes, he didn't have much of anything to offer. Nor did he feel alright complying with a bribe- unless he could get some enjoyment out of it. "Hy already said hy vould fight anyvun hyu vants. And dat's a goot show!" There didn't appear to be any more questions, thankfully, and so Maxim waited for something to happen. . .
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Maxim
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Maxim
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Maxim
One day, marmalade hats Heterodynes will rule the world. Maxim
"Vell now, dis iz confuzink. . . Oggie? Dimo? Vere are hyus?"
What appeared on a glance to be a quite attractive young man appeared in the Sorting Room, looking very perplexed- that he had purple skin and pointed ears were immediate evidence that he was something other than human. Aside from the bluish scales and silver spikes on the single pauldron he wore, he was perfectly coordinated in purple and red, with gold accents. He adjusted the jaunty wide-brimmed hat atop his long purple hair, attempting to figure out where he was. Moments before, he'd been in audience with the Jägergenerals, and now, he was. . . somewhere castle-y.
"Am hy in de kestle, mebbe? Hullo, Miz Agatha? Are hyu here?" Maxim, the newest arrival at Hogwarts, could only think of one nearby castle, which did happen to contain a good-enough explanation as to why he might suddenly appear there. Where sparks were concerned, anything might happen. But, it didn't take more than a few seconds for Maxim to notice the utter lack of gears, clanks, the previously mentioned individuals, and, anything remotely sparky. "Dis is kind ov fonny. . ." he mumbled to no one in particular, as the realization that he was Somewhere Else began to set in. Sudden transportation to Somewhere Else was pretty odd, but, odd was a matter of course when dealing with mad science- and Maxim was not only used to mad science, he was a product of it.
Jägermonsters were not known for their brains, and this is what Maxim was. Jägermonsters were made for fighting, and to enjoy it! Thus, Maxim's first response was to try all the doors, and when they failed, he attempted to exit by brute force, throwing himself against the magically unyielding barriers with snarls of enthusiasm. Most people would have quickly realized the futility of this, but, Maxim continued to launch himself at doors until there could be no questions about his situation. Even incredibly stupid ones. After at least fifteen minutes of futile door-breaking efforts, Maxim finally took a break, during which the quill floated up and began to pointedly stab at the application. "Vritink? Vy has dere gots to be vritink? Hy's better at fightink."
State your name.
Maxim grabbed hold of the quill with an artificial hand of some black metal, adorned with red, gripping it clumsily as he scrawled out "M-a-x-i-m", slowly stating his name as he attempted to spell it out. The quill seemed to resist his efforts, eventually yanking itself out of his hand to re-scribe his efforts in a much swifter and neater handwriting. "Ho! Hyu write for me! Iz goot." Given the sparky-stuff Jägers were used to, a self-scribing quill was nothing shocking, and far better than writing. Jägers were meant to wield weapons, not pens.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
A game of disembodied questions was definitely a bit funny, but, Maxim didn't mind answering- especially since he had a good answer to this one. Or, what he considered a good answer.
"Vot's my favorite cheeze? Dat's the cheeze vot came mit dis nize hat!" Maxim tilted his hat with his left hand (this one of flesh, and wickedly clawed) so that it once more sat upon his head in an appropriately jaunty fashion. "Iz a bit ov a long story, but iz a goot vun. It started vay back in de day, ven de old Heterodynes vere still around. . ." The quill, seemingly satisfied and realizing that Maxim was about to launch into a story for which there was not enough space on the page and which would prove a bit of a spoiler, stabbed at the next question.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Although Maxim was a bit disappointed that the quill didn't want to scribe his 'goot story', this next question wasn't too bad either. "Dun't know either ov dem! Do either ov dem gots a nize hat? Nizer den dis vun?" The quill merely stabbed at the paper, insisting upon an answer, not a question. "Vell, hy suppoze vatever vun I meet first! Hy always like a goot fight! Dey can fight, yez? I dun't care about dem if dey can't, iz no fun dat vay." Maxim's mouth spread far too wide as he grinned, literally ear-to-ear, revealing all of his extremely sharp teeth. To keep him moving along, the quill pointed at the next question.
3. What time is it where you are?
"Vy dun't hyu tell me? Or iz dere a clock?" There weren't any windows that Maxim could see, and, he wasn't about to waste effort on thinking. "Mebbe de evenink? Iz just a guess." Seemingly satisfied enough, the quill moved him along to the next question.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
This was a kind of hard question. Not only was it rather long and convoluted, Maxim had no idea what an Albus Dumbledore, a Sirius Black, or an Order of the Phoenix were. About the only part that made sense was 'sexually harass', and so Maxim chose to answer based off what he knew. "Hy luff de gorls! If hyu vant to show dese Order ov de Phoenix gorls to me, I kin tell hyu vat vuns hy like? Or does 'all ov dem' vork?" It was a good enough answer for the quill, as, it prodded at the next question.
5. If you are pushing to be in-
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Do dese ever end? Hy iz gettink tired of dese questions." Maxim thought pretty hard- 'clever and witty' was not really Jäger territory, even if Maxim was capable of being pretty clever for a Jäger. Clever for a Jäger was only clever by relative standards. "De. . . Nize Hat?" he proposed after a moment. "Ve vould have de shows mit Jägergorls, like at Mamma Gkika's."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The first half of the question was perplexing enough to think about, as, Maxim didn't know Harry, Fred, or George, and, the second half only made it worse. Asking a Jägermonster to bolster an arguement with examples from world mythology was like asking one to do calculus. "Hokay. . . Hy dun't know. He should. . .stay single? Iz most fun dat vay. Dese qvestions are veird, even for sparky schtuff. Dis is some sort ov sparky schtuff, yah?"
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
This one was more up a Jäger's alley. "Becauze hyu got de stupid desk job. Hyu should get de real goot job, like fightink! Den you dun't have to do de papervork. Or hyu need more minions? Dey alvays did de papervork for de Heterodynes."
D. Hufflepuff- Prove you are not useless.
"Hy can fight! Dat's not useless. I'll fight anyvun hyu send!" Another overly-toothy smile appeared on the Jäger's features, as he looked about expectantly, as if expecting someone to fight right then and there. When they didn't appear, and the quill started stabbing at the paper again, he sighed. "Mebbe later?"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Offering his recently-obtained hat as a bribe was simply unthinkable, and although he didn't technically need it, Maxim didn't feel well offering his sword. Aside from these things and his clothes, he didn't have much of anything to offer. Nor did he feel alright complying with a bribe- unless he could get some enjoyment out of it. "Hy already said hy vould fight anyvun hyu vants. And dat's a goot show!" There didn't appear to be any more questions, thankfully, and so Maxim waited for something to happen. . .
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Maxim
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Maxim
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Maxim
One day, marmalade hats Heterodynes will rule the world. Maxim