Dean hadn't slept at all, he'd spent the remainder of the night after searching for Sam in their room, worrying. It was all slipping out of his hands and Dean had no way of knowing how to fix it.
Finally he couldn't sit still no more and he saw the sun begin to rise, screw it,he was going to look for Sam again. The hunter grabbed his pack and headed towards the common room, he'd snag an elf who could inform Bobby and Cas he was out when they woke up, he knew they'd guess where he was going or at least where the hunter thought he was going.
When he first stepped in that common room it was panic that hit him, he didn't notice Sam breathing at first "SAMMY!" Dean yelled before he even noticed the other hunter was sleeping.
Sam had been responding to that bellow since he was a child. He responded the same way he always did, snapping reflexively awake before looking around, confused.
Right. Dean. And just like all those times when he was a kid, Dean was about to carry on yelling at him without listening. It wasn't the first time Sam had done this, slipped away from his brother and his Dad, especially when they fought. Every time he came back, there was always hell to pay.
"I'm sorry, Dean," he said quietly. He was barely able to keep the resignation out of his eyes as he braced himself for the first volley. He wouldn't even try and explain until his brother vented a little of his anger and was calm enough to listen.
"You're sorry? The hell man, you couldn't at least say somethin'? I freakin' went to Crowley, that green skinned bastard, me and Bobby tore those words apart lookin' for your ass and you're sorry." Dean was deflating quickly, only because Bobby's words from the night before were sinking back in.
Not to mention that weary look in Sam's eyes, it worried Dean, he knew what it felt like to be so tired you just didn't want to fight any more and that was the last place he wanted to find Sammy.
"The hell were you thinkin'?" It wasn't so much anger, but hurt, every time Sam took off like that, it hurt Dean, because out of every one, Sam mattered the most to him. All his life that had rang true, the hardest thing Dean had ever had to do was let Sam go that first time, he was fighting it tooth and nail this time. Because he couldn't go back to that life, the nightmares, the apple pie, screw that, he wanted his family.
Sam raked the hair out of his eyes, "What was I supposed to tell you Dean? That I can't see Sookie get hurt because of me? That she wouldn't listen when I told her that everyone that ever gets close to me winds up dead? Or how about Lorne dumping a big steaming pile of destiny in my lap again? That Death can only keep our asses out of the Cage, but she can't get us out of Hell? Do you know how heavily guarded the Cage is, Dean? No one can get to us there," his voice rose with every sentence, filled with bitterness and a sort of sick fatigue.
He sat down heavily, looking down at the floor. "I wasn't thinking when I left. I had to get out. I had to think and it had to be alone. I'm sorry Dean. But I had to. I needed.. I needed time."
"I heard about all of it and screw destiny, we didn't follow it last time, why the hell would we start now." He said it, but what he honestly meant was it didn't matter if the 'rules' said Sam did it alone, Dean wasn't going to leave his brother. He didn't care what the rules said, or who did what, but he damn wasn't abandoning Sam and letting him go it alone. "I know she can't, don't mean we can't work on findin' some other way, Sammy. Damn it, I told you, to just trust me." Let him fix it, that was the old Dean, he wanted to do the same and he knew Sam had to do some things himself, he did. But he couldn't stand the thought of letting Sam go back in to that pit, not after the time here with him again. The anger in his tone faded completely, the hunter seemed to just deflate under that tone in Sam's voice, he'd failed the kid, way too many times to count, this time he couldn't
( ... )
“Dean. I’m not six anymore. Stop trying to do all of this yourself. This concerns me too.” It was a casual rebuke, without any anger behind the words. Dean always needed to fix things, and do it on his own. It had been like that since he was a kid.
Sam didn’t want to leave his brother behind. He didn’t. He loved Dean, and the prospect of being separated from him forever grieved him terribly. But he had to at least hear Crowley out. If there was some kind of way to fix things on a cosmic level, he should at least listen. He had jumped into the Pit to save Dean. If following through on what Lorne told him helped set things back in balance to give his brother peace, then he’d do it, without hesitation.
"This isn’t like what happened with,” he swallowed, “Lucifer. Lorne,” he said the name pointedly, “said it’s supposed to be a choice. I can say no and the world won’t end.”
He shrugged helplessly, “I don’t even know what the question is.”
Dean didn't know what else to do, take the problem, find a way to fix it, Sam was right, that was how it had always been. And he had lost Sam once, it made it hard to drop that protective manner again. Especially when he had already lived exactly how this played out.
"So then we go to Crowley, find out what the hell they want from you. No goin' in on your own, you got that crap? I find out you said one damn word to that demon with out me, I'll kick your ass." He wasn't going to be left behind, not if he didn't have to be.
They'd been told it was inevitable before and maybe that was right, in the end he had to let Sam go. But he wasn't going to not if the fate of the world wasn't hanging in the balance. He'd let Sam hear what was being asked of him because he knew Sam, the kid wouldn't be able to rest till he'd made a decision. Dean just had no intention of letting him go it alone. Peace had never really been in the cards for Dean Winchester, even his apple pie hadn't felt like it fit.
He had been forced to jump once, and Sam wouldn't be forced into such a decision again. But it was also a decision he still had to make on his own. Ultimately, it was his life, his soul, and his eternity.
Sam sighed. "I have to do this on my own Dean. Look, I won't agree to a thing, I just want to hear what he has to say, that's all. I get it Dean, I do. I don't want anything to come between me and my family again. It was bad enough having to.. to do that once."
"But if the powers that talk through Lorne say that this is critical, that it can help set things right on a cosmic level? I at least need to hear what that is, what they want me to do."
Dean sat there listening to Sam as he looked down at his hands. Fine and dandy, Sam had to do it alone, just great was all he was thinking. And if Sam said yes, then what, Dean went back to Lisa and Ben, pretended none of this happened and just left Sam down there. He didn't think he could do it, not this time. Not again.
"Fuck a cosmic level, we did it, there is no apocalypse, people got free will." But Dean sighed, instead of continuing with that tirade "Fine, you're a big boy. You hear him out but damn it Sammy, you go through with a damn thing with out at least talkin' to me. I'll kill you myself."
Of course he wouldn't really kill Sam, but a part of him felt like it was dying. Because he knew Sam, if what was asked of him was going to save people, Sam would do it. And Dean was struggling in himself that he was going to have to let him go to do it. He wanted to go with him.
The heaviness in his brother’s voice tore at his heart. As much as Dean put up a front of false bravado and carelessness, he had the biggest heart of anyone Sam knew. And that was what held him back from going to Crowley up until this point. He had broken his brother’s heart once when he had succumbed to addiction and pride and unleashed Lucifer on Earth.
Sam honestly wasn’t sure if he had the strength to do it again. It had almost been easier when he had been possessed. He had been fighting so hard for control, there was only enough time for him to speak the incantation and open the cage door. There was no time for regret or hesitation. There was just Dean. He did it to save his brother.
“You’re the first person I’ll come to. I promise.”
And sure he was going to catch hell for it, he jerked his brother into a quick, but powerful hug. “I’m not going anywhere, Dean,” he said before letting go and stepping back.
He was not going to do it, he swore he wasn't so when Sam promised to come to him and that first tightening in his chest started, his eyes began to water Dean looked down.
They had to do this right, because if they didn't, they could lose every thing. It wasn't fair, hadn't Sam given enough already, hell he'd put Lucifer back in the cage while Dean sat by uselessly.
"Better..." He ground it around, his throat was already tight and then Sam hugged him. Dean nearly pushed him off but for just that split second he hugged Sam back, clapping a hand to his shoulder "God you're such a chick Sammy." His next words were softer, mumbled and most likely not ones he wanted pointed out, not that it ever stopped Sam.
"Not alone." Because from the sound of it, Sam was going to have to go some where, but damned if Dean wasn't going to let it be permanent or on his own. It was then that one tear nearly escaped and the hunter turned his head to get rid of it with out being seen.
He gave a small, pained smile. "Jerk," he said affectionately. He didn't want to leave his brother behind. If he could stop it, he wouldn't. He and Dean had already been through so much, asked to sacrifice absolutely everything and they had. It wasn't fair. They had earned their respite, and something a damn sight more permanent than a magic school run by a slightly flaky Hat.
"Come on. Let's go find Bobby so he can get done bitching me out too."
Dean's smile was a little strained, but it held that same hint of brotherly affection that his voice did "Bitch." If Sam had said any of this out loud, Dean would have agreed. A vacation, a long one, where they could just live their lives, instead of worry about what was coming next. Who was planning what and rather they would be able to remain a family was definitely in order. Dean just wondered if they'd ever get it.
"Dude, we better get some ear plugs, he's gonna give your ass hell."
Finally he couldn't sit still no more and he saw the sun begin to rise, screw it,he was going to look for Sam again. The hunter grabbed his pack and headed towards the common room, he'd snag an elf who could inform Bobby and Cas he was out when they woke up, he knew they'd guess where he was going or at least where the hunter thought he was going.
When he first stepped in that common room it was panic that hit him, he didn't notice Sam breathing at first "SAMMY!" Dean yelled before he even noticed the other hunter was sleeping.
"HEY! Get your ass up."
Reply
Right. Dean. And just like all those times when he was a kid, Dean was about to carry on yelling at him without listening. It wasn't the first time Sam had done this, slipped away from his brother and his Dad, especially when they fought. Every time he came back, there was always hell to pay.
"I'm sorry, Dean," he said quietly. He was barely able to keep the resignation out of his eyes as he braced himself for the first volley. He wouldn't even try and explain until his brother vented a little of his anger and was calm enough to listen.
Reply
Not to mention that weary look in Sam's eyes, it worried Dean, he knew what it felt like to be so tired you just didn't want to fight any more and that was the last place he wanted to find Sammy.
"The hell were you thinkin'?" It wasn't so much anger, but hurt, every time Sam took off like that, it hurt Dean, because out of every one, Sam mattered the most to him. All his life that had rang true, the hardest thing Dean had ever had to do was let Sam go that first time, he was fighting it tooth and nail this time. Because he couldn't go back to that life, the nightmares, the apple pie, screw that, he wanted his family.
Reply
He sat down heavily, looking down at the floor. "I wasn't thinking when I left. I had to get out. I had to think and it had to be alone. I'm sorry Dean. But I had to. I needed.. I needed time."
Reply
Reply
Sam didn’t want to leave his brother behind. He didn’t. He loved Dean, and the prospect of being separated from him forever grieved him terribly. But he had to at least hear Crowley out. If there was some kind of way to fix things on a cosmic level, he should at least listen. He had jumped into the Pit to save Dean. If following through on what Lorne told him helped set things back in balance to give his brother peace, then he’d do it, without hesitation.
"This isn’t like what happened with,” he swallowed, “Lucifer. Lorne,” he said the name pointedly, “said it’s supposed to be a choice. I can say no and the world won’t end.”
He shrugged helplessly, “I don’t even know what the question is.”
Reply
"So then we go to Crowley, find out what the hell they want from you. No goin' in on your own, you got that crap? I find out you said one damn word to that demon with out me, I'll kick your ass." He wasn't going to be left behind, not if he didn't have to be.
They'd been told it was inevitable before and maybe that was right, in the end he had to let Sam go. But he wasn't going to not if the fate of the world wasn't hanging in the balance. He'd let Sam hear what was being asked of him because he knew Sam, the kid wouldn't be able to rest till he'd made a decision. Dean just had no intention of letting him go it alone. Peace had never really been in the cards for Dean Winchester, even his apple pie hadn't felt like it fit.
Reply
Sam sighed. "I have to do this on my own Dean. Look, I won't agree to a thing, I just want to hear what he has to say, that's all. I get it Dean, I do. I don't want anything to come between me and my family again. It was bad enough having to.. to do that once."
"But if the powers that talk through Lorne say that this is critical, that it can help set things right on a cosmic level? I at least need to hear what that is, what they want me to do."
Reply
"Fuck a cosmic level, we did it, there is no apocalypse, people got free will." But Dean sighed, instead of continuing with that tirade "Fine, you're a big boy. You hear him out but damn it Sammy, you go through with a damn thing with out at least talkin' to me. I'll kill you myself."
Of course he wouldn't really kill Sam, but a part of him felt like it was dying. Because he knew Sam, if what was asked of him was going to save people, Sam would do it. And Dean was struggling in himself that he was going to have to let him go to do it. He wanted to go with him.
Reply
Sam honestly wasn’t sure if he had the strength to do it again. It had almost been easier when he had been possessed. He had been fighting so hard for control, there was only enough time for him to speak the incantation and open the cage door. There was no time for regret or hesitation. There was just Dean. He did it to save his brother.
“You’re the first person I’ll come to. I promise.”
And sure he was going to catch hell for it, he jerked his brother into a quick, but powerful hug. “I’m not going anywhere, Dean,” he said before letting go and stepping back.
Reply
They had to do this right, because if they didn't, they could lose every thing. It wasn't fair, hadn't Sam given enough already, hell he'd put Lucifer back in the cage while Dean sat by uselessly.
"Better..." He ground it around, his throat was already tight and then Sam hugged him. Dean nearly pushed him off but for just that split second he hugged Sam back, clapping a hand to his shoulder "God you're such a chick Sammy." His next words were softer, mumbled and most likely not ones he wanted pointed out, not that it ever stopped Sam.
"Not alone." Because from the sound of it, Sam was going to have to go some where, but damned if Dean wasn't going to let it be permanent or on his own. It was then that one tear nearly escaped and the hunter turned his head to get rid of it with out being seen.
Reply
"Come on. Let's go find Bobby so he can get done bitching me out too."
Reply
"Dude, we better get some ear plugs, he's gonna give your ass hell."
Reply
Leave a comment