WART rises again!
Once more, the Lord and Master sent his words out from on high to his cowering subjects. Only for ‘on high’, read ‘the WART studio’, and for ‘cowering subjects’, read ‘the mostly oblivious denizens of Hogwarts’.
Radio. What a quaint idea; it seemed to be falling by the wayside as the twenty-first century wore on.
The music selection was odd, but that was fine. The equipment was a bizarre and antiquated mess, but that was fine. The Master was in an aggressively irritable mood, which was not fine. Why not unleash a little venom?
“How are all you little monkeys and dysfunctional wanderers today? You should be happy. No, I mean it. Be happy. There’s a disaster around the corner and everything you love is going to perish utterly. That corner might be seconds away, or trillions of years, but it’s coming, and it’s aiming straight for you. Are you smiling yet?”
“I’ve got a little PSA for you, children, because it seems a couple of you are falling into bad habits. If you trick someone into thinking you’re someone else in order to have sex with them, you’re not one of the good guys anymore. Do what you want with the knowledge, but it just seems I need to throw that out there. And while I’m throwing that out there… stop trying to have sex with me, Jack Harkness. I don’t want to fuck you, no matter who you pretend to be.”
He was still snickering as he spoke into the mic again. “Oh, I know, it’s so hard for you. Some of you have such a limited capacity to understand the world you’ve been thrust into! Of course, that’s hardly anything new. I’m sure most of you were rather bewildered even in the existences you were designed for. Maybe you’re here as a favor to your own universe. We all need to adapt in a hurry. Can you do it? Or are you going to lie down and be meat for all the happy predators?”
“And adaptation is the name of the game, dirtcrawlers. It’s something I’ve always been good at. It makes me wonder, Doctor, why time and time again you seem surprised to see me. It’s gratifying to see that shock sometimes, of course, but where’s your faith in me? And more importantly, why haven’t you brought me breakfast in bed? It’s not that hard a concept, and it really is a nice gesture.”
“Really, though, all of you. Every tiny festering one of you, crawling around as if your lives have meaning.” His tone was still jovial; you could almost hear his smile. “It’s almost inspirational, if it weren’t so futile.”
“But don’t worry, Hogwarts. Your lord and Master is watching over you, and if you’re very, very, lucky, I’ll be smiling.”
Radio. What a quaint idea; it seemed to be falling by the wayside as the twenty-first century wore on.
The music selection was odd, but that was fine. The equipment was a bizarre and antiquated mess, but that was fine. The Master was in an aggressively irritable mood, which was not fine. Why not unleash a little venom?
“How are all you little monkeys and dysfunctional wanderers today? You should be happy. No, I mean it. Be happy. There’s a disaster around the corner and everything you love is going to perish utterly. That corner might be seconds away, or trillions of years, but it’s coming, and it’s aiming straight for you. Are you smiling yet?”
Click to view“I’ve got a little PSA for you, children, because it seems a couple of you are falling into bad habits. If you trick someone into thinking you’re someone else in order to have sex with them, you’re not one of the good guys anymore. Do what you want with the knowledge, but it just seems I need to throw that out there. And while I’m throwing that out there… stop trying to have sex with me, Jack Harkness. I don’t want to fuck you, no matter who you pretend to be.”
He was still snickering as he spoke into the mic again. “Oh, I know, it’s so hard for you. Some of you have such a limited capacity to understand the world you’ve been thrust into! Of course, that’s hardly anything new. I’m sure most of you were rather bewildered even in the existences you were designed for. Maybe you’re here as a favor to your own universe. We all need to adapt in a hurry. Can you do it? Or are you going to lie down and be meat for all the happy predators?”
“And adaptation is the name of the game, dirtcrawlers. It’s something I’ve always been good at. It makes me wonder, Doctor, why time and time again you seem surprised to see me. It’s gratifying to see that shock sometimes, of course, but where’s your faith in me? And more importantly, why haven’t you brought me breakfast in bed? It’s not that hard a concept, and it really is a nice gesture.”
“Really, though, all of you. Every tiny festering one of you, crawling around as if your lives have meaning.” His tone was still jovial; you could almost hear his smile. “It’s almost inspirational, if it weren’t so futile.”
“But don’t worry, Hogwarts. Your lord and Master is watching over you, and if you’re very, very, lucky, I’ll be smiling.”