Application for Molasses Cat (Squibbait)
OOC: Kojiro's nemesis arrives...which makes sense if you're a denizen of IRC or vaguely aware of the strange things we talk about in there. Blame the spelling on one person. This app will be played by two people, though, one of which will admit to being unable to spell on the best of days. Note: Molasses Cat is not an ordinary cat and is using its vast mental powers to make the Dictaquill work. There is even more to Molasses Cat than meets the eye.
It oozed into the sorting room, filling a space roughly the size and shape of a large domestic cat. It purred, pleased with its surroundings, the jar it'd come out of still on its tail. Padding over to the table, leaving a trail of sticky, fragrant footprints behind. With a move that looked more like it was flowing back up into the jar and out again, onto the table this time. It walked over the paper there a few times before curling up, still purring, laying on the form. It looked ready to settle into a long nap, stretching and covering the whole table in a way familiar to all cats, a way that belied their true size and allowed them to fill any space available, no matter how roomy.
The purring eased away into silence broken occasionally by a sound that sounded something like a soft half-moaned mew and a squelch as the cat-creature sighed in its sleep.
In a sudden movement that somehow seemed slower as its body oozed to follow him, the cat rose and began cleaning its face and then its belly and tail, its leg shifting from third to fifth gear before it sat up and looked around itself, unblinking.
Only then did it seem to pay any attention to the papers it was sitting on. It meowed, stretching and yawning widely, padding over to a form that somehow was missed in its nap.
State your full name.
The cat blinked at the question and then meowed. On the paper, the quill that had been floating out of reach wrote Molasses Cat. For its trouble, the feather was attacked, pounced on in that weirdly quick-and-slow manner of this cat. The form flicked out of the way, sticking to a wall, another quill taking over the job of filling out the rest of the form.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Bored with the unmoving feather, the cat turned to the next question. A long meow and an attempt to catch the new feather became the words Cottage cheese, now get down here where I can reach you, you stupid thing.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
The cat sat, again cleaning itself, its hind leg moving through first and reverse this time. It ignored the question and the quills, taunting them for refusing to pay him the proper respect. Finished, for now, with its ablations, it looked at the paper and quill, meowing in a very disgustedly demanding tone. Who cares? Will they treat me better than you. Feed me or play with me or leave me alone appeared on the paper.
3. What time is it where you are?
A bored look greeted this question. The cat didn't even bother blinking, much less moving at all. Who cares? appeared on the paper after a while.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
This question prompted the cat to suddenly discover it had a tail. It attempted, several times, to catch its tail, almost succeeding, only to have it escape again when he got serious with it. Sticky footprints and trails lingered after it, glistening in the light of the hall. On the paper, words appeared, slowly, haltingly. Who cares get back you.... It's a stup...stop running away, you're mine...id thing that huma...GOT YOU!!! don't run away, stupid...ns care about.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Bored with its tail, the cat took to washing its face and ears. On the paper a squiggly line appeared, but no words. The quill floated down just enough to catch the cat's attention. It meowed, half-heartedly tried to swat at it, and went back to washing its face. On the paper, the words Yes, I'm sure that's the name, appeared.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The cat made an obviously rude noise, flopping down on the floor, splattering slightly. Who cares? That's human stupid. From the cat's tone, one could infer the quill was being polite.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
The cat looked at the quill with one baleful eye, not moving from its flopped position. Paper is good for naps.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
The cat yawned, its eye closing. You're useless. You're not entertaining or petting or feeding me.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Nothing the quill did could entice the cat to reopen its eyes to answer this question.
It oozed into the sorting room, filling a space roughly the size and shape of a large domestic cat. It purred, pleased with its surroundings, the jar it'd come out of still on its tail. Padding over to the table, leaving a trail of sticky, fragrant footprints behind. With a move that looked more like it was flowing back up into the jar and out again, onto the table this time. It walked over the paper there a few times before curling up, still purring, laying on the form. It looked ready to settle into a long nap, stretching and covering the whole table in a way familiar to all cats, a way that belied their true size and allowed them to fill any space available, no matter how roomy.
The purring eased away into silence broken occasionally by a sound that sounded something like a soft half-moaned mew and a squelch as the cat-creature sighed in its sleep.
In a sudden movement that somehow seemed slower as its body oozed to follow him, the cat rose and began cleaning its face and then its belly and tail, its leg shifting from third to fifth gear before it sat up and looked around itself, unblinking.
Only then did it seem to pay any attention to the papers it was sitting on. It meowed, stretching and yawning widely, padding over to a form that somehow was missed in its nap.
State your full name.
The cat blinked at the question and then meowed. On the paper, the quill that had been floating out of reach wrote Molasses Cat. For its trouble, the feather was attacked, pounced on in that weirdly quick-and-slow manner of this cat. The form flicked out of the way, sticking to a wall, another quill taking over the job of filling out the rest of the form.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Bored with the unmoving feather, the cat turned to the next question. A long meow and an attempt to catch the new feather became the words Cottage cheese, now get down here where I can reach you, you stupid thing.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
The cat sat, again cleaning itself, its hind leg moving through first and reverse this time. It ignored the question and the quills, taunting them for refusing to pay him the proper respect. Finished, for now, with its ablations, it looked at the paper and quill, meowing in a very disgustedly demanding tone. Who cares? Will they treat me better than you. Feed me or play with me or leave me alone appeared on the paper.
3. What time is it where you are?
A bored look greeted this question. The cat didn't even bother blinking, much less moving at all. Who cares? appeared on the paper after a while.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
This question prompted the cat to suddenly discover it had a tail. It attempted, several times, to catch its tail, almost succeeding, only to have it escape again when he got serious with it. Sticky footprints and trails lingered after it, glistening in the light of the hall. On the paper, words appeared, slowly, haltingly. Who cares get back you.... It's a stup...stop running away, you're mine...id thing that huma...GOT YOU!!! don't run away, stupid...ns care about.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Bored with its tail, the cat took to washing its face and ears. On the paper a squiggly line appeared, but no words. The quill floated down just enough to catch the cat's attention. It meowed, half-heartedly tried to swat at it, and went back to washing its face. On the paper, the words Yes, I'm sure that's the name, appeared.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The cat made an obviously rude noise, flopping down on the floor, splattering slightly. Who cares? That's human stupid. From the cat's tone, one could infer the quill was being polite.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
The cat looked at the quill with one baleful eye, not moving from its flopped position. Paper is good for naps.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
The cat yawned, its eye closing. You're useless. You're not entertaining or petting or feeding me.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Nothing the quill did could entice the cat to reopen its eyes to answer this question.