Application: Diana Vertue (aka Jenny Psycho), Simon R. Green's Deathstalker Saga
((With permission from Valentine-mun, seeing as we are the exact same person. Diana is in her canon one of the most powerful espers to ever have lived, though her powers will be Hogwarts-dampened. Telepathy, telekinetic manipulation and suchlike will be only by mun approval. She's usually described as putting off a very tangible aura of presence and power, but feel free to not notice it--hey, maybe not everyone can feel auras!))
"All right, where the hell am I?"
The voice was recognizably a woman's, if incredibly harsh and grating, as though the speaker had a throat injury. Diana Vertue stood in the Sorting Room, short and blonde with her hands on her hips, scowling ferociously all around her. This very definitely wasn't where she had been just a few moments ago. The last time she'd seen stone walls like this was the Deathstalker Standing, except this place seemed decidedly less wrecked than the Standing had been when it had crashed. She stretched out her esp, trying to get a sense of her new surroundings, and briefly sensed minds. Lots of them. Some baseline human, some varying degrees of weird, and one that was very familiar. She'd deal with that later.
Diana wandered over to the table and frowned thoughtfully at it. The parchment came zooming to her hand with some slight resistance, and her frown deepened. She was an uber esper, one of the few normal espers who had survived the touch of the Mater Mundi and lived to tell about it. But her normally tremendous powers felt... dampened. Like she was trying to access them through a wet blanket. She didn't like it one bit.
She focused on the parchment instead, reading off her answers, and noticing with some amusement that a feather quill pen floated up to write them down of its own accord.
State your full name.
"Diana Vertue. Or Jenny Psycho, but I don't get that one much to my face any more." One corner of her mouth twisted wryly, and she laughed harshly, a sound as unpleasant as her voice. "Maybe they're scared that she'll come when called."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
She frowned at the paper, narrowing her sharp blue eyes in suspicion. Was this supposed to be some kind of mental trigger or something? After long seconds of nothing happening, she finally relaxed, visibly disappointed. "Cheddar, I guess," she said. "It's good on sandwiches."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"You know," she said, eyes flashing and the air around her seeming to crackle with psychic energy for a heartbeat, "I'm really sick of people thinking that I'm just going to start killing people left and right. I don't know who the hell these people are or why I should consider killing either of them, and you know what? I don't care! I don't know where the hell this is, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, and I don't know why the hell I'm continuing to answer these stupid questions."
3. What time is it where you are?
She read that one twice to make sure that she was reading it correctly. "I think this is actually a stupider question than the cheese one."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"There are just so many things wrong with this. One: am I supposed to know who any of these people are? Two: back from the dead? What are they, clones or zombies? And if they're zombies, I don't think they should be sexually harassing anyone for fear of parts falling off and getting stuck. And three: sexual harassment really isn't my thing." This was true enough. Just walking through a House of Joy had been enough to set her off her lunch.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Psycho's." There. Short and to the point.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Don't know, don't care."
She amused herself by using her telekinesis to push the floating quill around, making the words squiggly. She wondered briefly if inanimate objects could become annoyed, and was answered when the quill jabbed her in the finger, making her yelp and leaving a splotch. She narrowed her eyes, pointed the finger at the quill, and it went up in a small puff of flame. "Um. I think I'm going to need another feather."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Because you're disposing of it slower than you're getting it?" She spoke slowly, as if she was talking to a very dull child, then nodded awkwardly to the small odd creature who was suddenly at her side holding out a replacement quill. "Uh. Thanks. I think." The house elf bobbed a bow and scurried away. Diana took the feather firmly in hand and wrote the answer down herself.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Screw you. I don't have to prove anything after all that I've been through. She underlined "Screw you" twice. And added a little frowny face at the end for good measure.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"No threats, huh? That's a new one for me. Threats are usually what I go on. Well, that and reputation." She rummaged through the pockets of her clothes for anything. "You'll forgive me for not having much on me. If I'd known I was going to be teleported somewhere strange I would have brought hard currency." If her words had been any dryer, they would have actually absorbed moisture from the room. "I've got a package of cookies I was going to eat later. That's about it. Take it or leave it."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. DV jp
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. DV jp
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. DV jp
One day, marmalade will rule the world. DV jp"
"All right, where the hell am I?"
The voice was recognizably a woman's, if incredibly harsh and grating, as though the speaker had a throat injury. Diana Vertue stood in the Sorting Room, short and blonde with her hands on her hips, scowling ferociously all around her. This very definitely wasn't where she had been just a few moments ago. The last time she'd seen stone walls like this was the Deathstalker Standing, except this place seemed decidedly less wrecked than the Standing had been when it had crashed. She stretched out her esp, trying to get a sense of her new surroundings, and briefly sensed minds. Lots of them. Some baseline human, some varying degrees of weird, and one that was very familiar. She'd deal with that later.
Diana wandered over to the table and frowned thoughtfully at it. The parchment came zooming to her hand with some slight resistance, and her frown deepened. She was an uber esper, one of the few normal espers who had survived the touch of the Mater Mundi and lived to tell about it. But her normally tremendous powers felt... dampened. Like she was trying to access them through a wet blanket. She didn't like it one bit.
She focused on the parchment instead, reading off her answers, and noticing with some amusement that a feather quill pen floated up to write them down of its own accord.
State your full name.
"Diana Vertue. Or Jenny Psycho, but I don't get that one much to my face any more." One corner of her mouth twisted wryly, and she laughed harshly, a sound as unpleasant as her voice. "Maybe they're scared that she'll come when called."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
She frowned at the paper, narrowing her sharp blue eyes in suspicion. Was this supposed to be some kind of mental trigger or something? After long seconds of nothing happening, she finally relaxed, visibly disappointed. "Cheddar, I guess," she said. "It's good on sandwiches."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"You know," she said, eyes flashing and the air around her seeming to crackle with psychic energy for a heartbeat, "I'm really sick of people thinking that I'm just going to start killing people left and right. I don't know who the hell these people are or why I should consider killing either of them, and you know what? I don't care! I don't know where the hell this is, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, and I don't know why the hell I'm continuing to answer these stupid questions."
3. What time is it where you are?
She read that one twice to make sure that she was reading it correctly. "I think this is actually a stupider question than the cheese one."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"There are just so many things wrong with this. One: am I supposed to know who any of these people are? Two: back from the dead? What are they, clones or zombies? And if they're zombies, I don't think they should be sexually harassing anyone for fear of parts falling off and getting stuck. And three: sexual harassment really isn't my thing." This was true enough. Just walking through a House of Joy had been enough to set her off her lunch.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Psycho's." There. Short and to the point.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Don't know, don't care."
She amused herself by using her telekinesis to push the floating quill around, making the words squiggly. She wondered briefly if inanimate objects could become annoyed, and was answered when the quill jabbed her in the finger, making her yelp and leaving a splotch. She narrowed her eyes, pointed the finger at the quill, and it went up in a small puff of flame. "Um. I think I'm going to need another feather."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Because you're disposing of it slower than you're getting it?" She spoke slowly, as if she was talking to a very dull child, then nodded awkwardly to the small odd creature who was suddenly at her side holding out a replacement quill. "Uh. Thanks. I think." The house elf bobbed a bow and scurried away. Diana took the feather firmly in hand and wrote the answer down herself.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Screw you. I don't have to prove anything after all that I've been through. She underlined "Screw you" twice. And added a little frowny face at the end for good measure.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"No threats, huh? That's a new one for me. Threats are usually what I go on. Well, that and reputation." She rummaged through the pockets of her clothes for anything. "You'll forgive me for not having much on me. If I'd known I was going to be teleported somewhere strange I would have brought hard currency." If her words had been any dryer, they would have actually absorbed moisture from the room. "I've got a package of cookies I was going to eat later. That's about it. Take it or leave it."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. DV jp
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. DV jp
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. DV jp
One day, marmalade will rule the world. DV jp"