Application: Dr. Claire Saunders (a.k.a. "Whiskey"), "Dollhouse"

[ilikemyscars]

((I'm taking Claire from the end of s2e1, "Vows;" obviously there are spoilers for the last couple eps of s1, where we learned a bit about her history.))Claire Saunders was running out of excuses

Comments

[superfraternal]

((Here, have a Whedon character!))

Simon perused the application with acute sympathy. "It's never too late to take the Hippocratic oath," he said, with a warm smile, when he'd finished. "How do your phobias affect your medical work?"

And who gave them to you? Hopefully not anyone with a fondness for blue gloves.

[ilikemyscars]

Claire smiled back, instinctively feeling comfortable with this man.

"They enhance it, actually," she replied. "One of the few places I feel mostly safe is the...facility...where I work. And focusing on work takes my mind off the scary things. So I've tended to camp out there long-term for a while now."

[superfraternal]

"Ahh." That made sense. The hesitation (and the vagueness) surrounding that facility didn't escape him, either. "Is that going to be a problem now that you're away from that facility, do you think? Most of us who end up here tend to stay awhile."

[ilikemyscars]

Claire shrugged. "Probably. But that's why I left in the first place, facing my fears and all that. It'd be too much to expect that to be a problem-free process no matter where I ended up."

[superfraternal]

"That's a good way to look at it." And reassuring to Simon, who had been bracing himself against the possible prospect of the applicant flipping out, River-style. "And this isn't a bad place to be, to work on those kinds of issues." That said, the next question was going to be a delicate one. "You said you left. Did you intend to wind up here?" Do you know where you are? "Or was there some place else you had in mind?"

[ilikemyscars]

"I didn't have anyplace in particular in mind." What with the never having actually been anywhere else, she added to herself. "And I'm not quite sure where 'here' is. I thought I was going to be checking into a motel for the night."

[superfraternal]

This time his smile was rueful. "I guess I'm the welcome wagon, then. Welcome to Hogwarts. I'm Simon. I'm also a doctor, though I don't work here." Keeping it short, and as unscary as he could, without straying into condescension. "This used to be a boarding school for gifted kids. Now it's a sort of a safe haven for misfits from various points of origin, only it still calls itself a school. I'm afraid there isn't much consistency or sense around here, but the chaos makes it safer, in an odd sort of way. No one cares too much what you're doing or who you are, as long as you don't wreak wholesale havoc."

[ilikemyscars]

Claire laughed briefly, again with the bitter edge to it. "Sounds in many ways remarkably like the place I just left, then. Although mine likes to call itself a House rather than a school." She held out a hand. "Claire."

[superfraternal]

He shook her hand with wry ceremony. His encounter with Andy Bernard had made him a little self-conscious about handshakes. "Should I ask what got you the nickname 'Whiskey', or is that better left alone?" There was genuine curiosity in the question, and a touch of humor, but also compassion. He wouldn't press if she didn't want to tell.

[ilikemyscars]

"It's - from the military call signals. Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot?" Claire looked away briefly. "I wasn't always a doctor. Before I had a...consistent purpose in my life, I went by Whiskey. It's not quite a real name, but close enough."

[superfraternal]

"Okay." The word wasn't judgement of a satisfactory answer; it was simply signal that he didn't demand further clarification. "There are lots of questions I could ask you, and probably some other people here will ask whatever comes to mind, whether it's any of their business or not. That's part of the intake process, which is about as logical as the rest of the system. But I think right now, the most important thing is to answer your question. At the end of your application, you asked: 'Is any of this real?' I want to assure you that it is."

[ilikemyscars]

"I'm sure you wholly believe that it is," she said neutrally. "But I've been in situations where people's perceptions or, or interpretations of reality aren't - they don't quite -" She waved a hand helplessly.

[superfraternal]

"I'm not surprised." From the application alone, he could understand she'd been through a lot. "And I can't rationally, empirically convince you that it's real. But you didn't seem to be looking for that kind of proof when you asked, either."

He shook his head, amused at himself. He knew his popcorned self had been in this situation once before, though of course he couldn't know it in his own memory, only as an anecdote told him by someone before. Only that time it'd all gone differently. Simon wasn't one to make the same mistake twice if he could help it.

"I'd advance the hypothesis that even operating in a worst-case scenario, within which none of this is real, you're still better off treating it as though it were, for all intents and purposes. And some of it really is going to seem surreal, if not unreal."

Like ... the Baby Sun. Oh, god.

[ilikemyscars]

"If I am in the Attic, there's nothing I can do to get out," she mused, following Simon's logic. "In which case, the best thing is to live in the now. Yes, there is definitely going to be a resemblance to the place I just left. Is that a good thing or a bad thing, d'you think?"

[superfraternal]

"The Attic," said Simon, slowly, "doesn't sound like a good thing."

[ilikemyscars]

"It's not. It's a prison, but not so much for the body." She tapped her temple, then shivered and forced a smile. "Let's just work on the assumption I'm not in the Attic, okay?"