Howl (Howell) Jenkins, Howl's Moving Castle ( Book )

[wicked_howell]

A well dressed young man walked into the room. He did not seem unsettled or confused to find himself in this place. In fact he seamed quite comfortable and aloof. He was dressed in an elaborate silver and blue suit, lace and embroidery in abundance. He could have just stepped out of an eighteenth century romance

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[iam_beowulf]

"I AM BEOWULF," bellowed a rather muscular Nordic type, clad in a black Hogwarts robe that hung open to reveal his leather boxer-briefs and some stylish barbarian boots. His Gryffindor school tie he'd knotted about his forehead Rambo-style, its ends dangling free down his broad back. "YOUR ATTIRE IS NOT THAT OF A WARRIOR." Because Beowulf's attire so was the attire of a warrior.

[wicked_howell]

"Well of course it wouldn't be, I'm not a warrior," he spoke as if anyone with good sense wouldn't be one. "I absolutely abhor conflict anyway."

[iam_beowulf]

Beowulf found this admission of cowardice highly shocking. It was one thing to dis a guy like Unferth and tell him he was a complete wuss, Geat-style. It was another thing to have a guy tell you flat-out that he didn't love battle.

Just to make sure he'd heard this correctly -- maybe he still had some water in his ears from his latest lake swim? -- Beowulf asked:

"YOU DO NOT TAKE JOY IN BATTLE?"

[wicked_howell]

Not liking battle wasn't even the half of it, Howl hated all kinds of conflict, and though he was a great coward he felt his dislike for conflict had nothing to do with his fear.

"NO! Why would I? Battle and fighting is unpleasant you can get hurt and it takes so much energy. Even magical battles are too much unless it's the last option," Howl shook his head, a hand delicately at his nose as if the mere concept of going into battle gave him a headache.

[iam_beowulf]

"IT IS THE PLACE OF A MAN TO DELIGHT IN BATTLE," Beowulf declared. "UNLESS IT BE TO SLAY KIN, WHICH IS NOT BEFITTING A MAN OF HONOR. A MAN SHOULD SLAY FOES AND MONSTERS."

[wicked_howell]

"A man should do there best to impress the ladies, and know how to interact with society. Other men can go off and beat the brains out of each other, I prefer the role of the lover thank you."

[iam_beowulf]

"PROWESS IN BATTLE DOES IMPRESS THE LADIES. ESPECIALLY THE WIVES OF KINGS," boomed Beowulf, who ought to know. Queen Wealhtheow totally wanted into his leather underpants.

However, the oddly-attired foppish man might have some words worth hearing when it came to ladies. He was dressed like one, ergo he might know their ways.

"HOW WOULD YOU WOO A LADY?" Or a monster? Or a monster who was also a lady?

[wicked_howell]

"Well for the delicate type they usually find excessive battle unappealing," Howl shook his head more. Oh what an odd man.

"A good choice, first though you need to talk softer, and in a soothing tone. Flowers do wonders, as do accessories like guitars and fine cloths. You charm them, take them to dinner and talk to them. Though, you must make sure they tell you more about themselves then you do of yourself. Girls love to talk about themselves"

[iam_beowulf]

Beowulf happened to have his eye on some prospects for romance.

First off, there was the Giant Squid, whom he'd met in the lake after the Feegles pitched him in.

Then there was Tako the octopus, who had honored his White Day gift of boozey chocolates by writing back with hugs and kisses!

Beowulf therefore felt it prudent to hear out this foppish man's love advice.

He cleared his throat. "I AM NOW ADDRESSING YOU IN A SOFT AND SOOTHING TONE," he said, in his usual tones, more suited for addressing sentries at the coast. "I CAN ALSO SING FINE SONGS. MY MEN KNOW A SONG. IT IS CALLED 'WE ARE BEOWULF'S ARMY.' "

It was probably not well suited for a serenade.

[wicked_howell]

He gave a small expression of horror. This man would not do well at all. "My dear sir! Sadly I think you are missing a few things, but the important thing is to find someone suited to you," he could easily see Beowulf doing well for himself in somewhere like London or New York.

[iam_beowulf]

"SOMEONE SUITED TO ME?" Beowulf echoed quizzically. Compatibility was not something to which he'd given much thought. There were no Cosmo quizzes in ancient Geatland.

[wicked_howell]

"Yes! Try to get to know the women who seem to have an interest in you, then try and make them happy. Or, try and make women friends. Girls always know more about girls then you ever will," Howl could do some good reading Cosmo since his own courting style was rather bad, at least bad for his reputation.

[iam_beowulf]

"WOMEN ... FRIENDS??"

This was an oxymoron. Friends were for battling beside. Women were for swiving. Most heartily.

[wicked_howell]

"Yes, women as friends. There quite insightful. You can learn a lot from them when they don't nag," though he seriously doubted anyone could learn anything from his sister Megan, unless it was nagging they wanted to know.

[iam_beowulf]

Beowulf shook his head slowly. "YOU SPEAK STRANGE NONSENSE."

[wicked_howell]

"For you perhaps. But oftentimes the best advice can seem odd and pointless. But then if you follow it you find it was worth it," he was quite proud with knowing the way to a womans heart. "Even the Cheshire Cat was useful in the end."