Application: Mariella, Kate Nash's song 'Mariella'
Mariella knows about Hogwarts. She won't say anything to anyone to indicate this. Don't worry :)
The blonde-ringletted girl does not look as though she should be wearing all black. She looks rather...dare I say...preppy.
Except Mariella got some pritt stick and she glued her lips together; she doesn't talk. She's an elective mute. (She heard someone say once 'that means she could talk if she likes but she doesn't want to.' Mariella likes this assessment.) And she's had enough of her mother's begging to try and fit in.
So Hogwarts would probably welcome her. As she walks into the Sorting room, she's beaming. Oh yes, this is the Hogwarts she read about in books and fanfics. Too bad she won't feel like telling anybody.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The Dictaquill, useless, is rather laid aside. She takes a pen from her pocket, and just writes, in rather thin, loopy handwriting: I like all kinds--I'm easy to please. Was that sexual inneundo meant to be there?
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Bar
Carr
Barne
Car
Can't choose.
3. What time is it where you are?
Don't have my watch, it's getting repaired. She pauses, and takes out her black ribbon from her hair. This has no bearing on the answer where she shall reveal deep and meaningful, I dunno, scars on her head or something caused by her abusive parents; it just itched a bit.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
WELL.
This is what she's been waiting for! A question on Hogwarts! Only it's not the type she wants. Huh.
If I were Dumbledore, I wouldn't.
Is there another question I can do instead?
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
This is getting a bit dull now, to be honest. She tries to think hard, but she...also can't be bothered. At all. It's getting like school! Actual school, with the maths and the netball and the sexually charged arguments between the boys that culminate in cock-drawing contests on the walls.
Comprehensive. Because
No. Having to explain makes your joke fall flat.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Greek--marry one, cheat on the other, but they might get turned into a cow
Norse--whichever one isn't a giant
Celtic--whichever one you have a connection with
Roman--whichever one founds the city and/or doesn't get killed/turned into a spider (Roman variation on Greek myth)
Egyptian--whichever one is more closely related to him
Babylonian--whichever doesn't love him, or he'll die/get emasculated
British--whichever isn't a warlock, so, neither
Aztec--don't, you'll get sacrificed whatever you do
Arthurian (it so is a mythology, shut up)--just don't cheat with one on the other. Ever. Or you die (is it just me or is this a common theme?)
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You're not doing it properly, that's why.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Okay!
Yeah, that's all you get.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
She looks sadly at the hair-ribbon and puts that down. Can she choose anything else...? Oh! Her silver ring. Very fairytaleish. Next she'll be asked to give up her firstborn...but, with her familiarity to Potter, she should have no trouble guessing anyone's name.
The blonde-ringletted girl does not look as though she should be wearing all black. She looks rather...dare I say...preppy.
Except Mariella got some pritt stick and she glued her lips together; she doesn't talk. She's an elective mute. (She heard someone say once 'that means she could talk if she likes but she doesn't want to.' Mariella likes this assessment.) And she's had enough of her mother's begging to try and fit in.
So Hogwarts would probably welcome her. As she walks into the Sorting room, she's beaming. Oh yes, this is the Hogwarts she read about in books and fanfics. Too bad she won't feel like telling anybody.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The Dictaquill, useless, is rather laid aside. She takes a pen from her pocket, and just writes, in rather thin, loopy handwriting: I like all kinds--I'm easy to please. Was that sexual inneundo meant to be there?
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Bar
Carr
Barne
Car
Can't choose.
3. What time is it where you are?
Don't have my watch, it's getting repaired. She pauses, and takes out her black ribbon from her hair. This has no bearing on the answer where she shall reveal deep and meaningful, I dunno, scars on her head or something caused by her abusive parents; it just itched a bit.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
WELL.
This is what she's been waiting for! A question on Hogwarts! Only it's not the type she wants. Huh.
If I were Dumbledore, I wouldn't.
Is there another question I can do instead?
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
This is getting a bit dull now, to be honest. She tries to think hard, but she...also can't be bothered. At all. It's getting like school! Actual school, with the maths and the netball and the sexually charged arguments between the boys that culminate in cock-drawing contests on the walls.
Comprehensive. Because
No. Having to explain makes your joke fall flat.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Greek--marry one, cheat on the other, but they might get turned into a cow
Norse--whichever one isn't a giant
Celtic--whichever one you have a connection with
Roman--whichever one founds the city and/or doesn't get killed/turned into a spider (Roman variation on Greek myth)
Egyptian--whichever one is more closely related to him
Babylonian--whichever doesn't love him, or he'll die/get emasculated
British--whichever isn't a warlock, so, neither
Aztec--don't, you'll get sacrificed whatever you do
Arthurian (it so is a mythology, shut up)--just don't cheat with one on the other. Ever. Or you die (is it just me or is this a common theme?)
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
You're not doing it properly, that's why.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Okay!
Yeah, that's all you get.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
She looks sadly at the hair-ribbon and puts that down. Can she choose anything else...? Oh! Her silver ring. Very fairytaleish. Next she'll be asked to give up her firstborn...but, with her familiarity to Potter, she should have no trouble guessing anyone's name.