Application for Mello from Death note
(Let us bring back the dead!)
That white haired ape has been here. You can't tell me otherwise. I see his toys over there in the corner. He's probably told you nothing about me. He thinks I'm beneath him, but I will prove to you and everyone else just who should have been L's successor. What is this? Application? What kind of nonsense is this? Well, if he succeeded, then so will I! I open the envelope
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
My favorite what? I pull out a chocolate bar and try to figure out what on earth this has to do with anything. But, Near passed through here, so he must have answered these questions. A pencil waits on the table. I look at it and back at the paper. I'm reluctant to write on the page, though. I suppose, given everything that's happened, there are worse things I could do. It's not like I'm writing a name. "Havarti. It goes well with chocolate," I scrawl in the small space for the answer.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I stop. Is this a page from that note book? Was the first question designed to lower my defenses? Who are those mentioned? If I don't know their faces, then it won't matter which name I write. I look around the room again, seeing signs that others have been through. I wonder, which did Near choose? Is he watching, laughing at me? "Neither. Their deaths would serve no purpose to me." That should be a good answer. A memory of one of my underlings crept into my mind. He had mentioned the "Barney" name. Ah, yes, I remember now. "But, if one had to die, then Barney," I added. I hated the songs my underling sang. I didn't miss him.
3. What time is it where you are?
Time? I thought a moment. I smirk. I know the answer to this one. "The same time it is where you are now." I bet Near struggled with that one, always afraid to reveal too much of himself. Ha! I'll show him.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I star at the question. Who? What? I don't "sexually harass" anyone. They beg for it, beg to be beaten. If they beg me for it, it isn't harassment. My lips curve in away I know will make anyone watching either want to beg or run in fear. I am itching to beat someone and soon. I wonder who would show up to satisfy me and if they'd scream loudly. I am surprised to see writing on the paper. "Near, with a whip." Had I truly written that? Heh. Wouldn't it be nice to finally beat him at something? I frown at that. I am better than him!
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Bartender? I take a bite of my chocolate. I know a good bar. In Chicago, if I remember correctly. O'Mally's. It was where I found most of my underlings. It was an underground bar and they never carded. I picked up a lot of good dissatisfied mobsters there and gave them a purpose when Kira was around. That was a good name for a bar. I write it down.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
I frown at the question. "Neither, they should both make him their bitch," I write. Why waste time with nonsense like mythologies and marriage? Both are lies, obscuring the truth. I'm willing to bet Near struggled on this question. The bastard, always looking for hidden meanings in everything. Hmph.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
I laugh. "Maybe if you moved your desk so it wasn't in the dumpster, you'd have a better chance." How idiotic. "If you're so smart," I could hear in that obnoxious singsong voice that those mobsters I didn't employ used. "If you're so smart, then why did you..." I force my mind away from the question. It doesn't matter now. I have more important things to do. I have to finish this application so that I could get ahead of Near.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Bah! "What's to say they're not?" I write. If the author of this test thought they were useless and I don't have any evidence otherwise, why argue? It was a waste of time, anyways.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
A bribe? I roll my eyes. How stupid. I set the paper down and pull out another chocolate bar. "Here," I say aloud. "Your bribe. Are you satisfied or do you want more?" I cross my arms, looking around the room, waiting.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Mello_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____Mello______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____Mello______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______Mello_______"
The thread with Near isn't exactly worksafe...you were warned...
That white haired ape has been here. You can't tell me otherwise. I see his toys over there in the corner. He's probably told you nothing about me. He thinks I'm beneath him, but I will prove to you and everyone else just who should have been L's successor. What is this? Application? What kind of nonsense is this? Well, if he succeeded, then so will I! I open the envelope
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
My favorite what? I pull out a chocolate bar and try to figure out what on earth this has to do with anything. But, Near passed through here, so he must have answered these questions. A pencil waits on the table. I look at it and back at the paper. I'm reluctant to write on the page, though. I suppose, given everything that's happened, there are worse things I could do. It's not like I'm writing a name. "Havarti. It goes well with chocolate," I scrawl in the small space for the answer.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
I stop. Is this a page from that note book? Was the first question designed to lower my defenses? Who are those mentioned? If I don't know their faces, then it won't matter which name I write. I look around the room again, seeing signs that others have been through. I wonder, which did Near choose? Is he watching, laughing at me? "Neither. Their deaths would serve no purpose to me." That should be a good answer. A memory of one of my underlings crept into my mind. He had mentioned the "Barney" name. Ah, yes, I remember now. "But, if one had to die, then Barney," I added. I hated the songs my underling sang. I didn't miss him.
3. What time is it where you are?
Time? I thought a moment. I smirk. I know the answer to this one. "The same time it is where you are now." I bet Near struggled with that one, always afraid to reveal too much of himself. Ha! I'll show him.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I star at the question. Who? What? I don't "sexually harass" anyone. They beg for it, beg to be beaten. If they beg me for it, it isn't harassment. My lips curve in away I know will make anyone watching either want to beg or run in fear. I am itching to beat someone and soon. I wonder who would show up to satisfy me and if they'd scream loudly. I am surprised to see writing on the paper. "Near, with a whip." Had I truly written that? Heh. Wouldn't it be nice to finally beat him at something? I frown at that. I am better than him!
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Bartender? I take a bite of my chocolate. I know a good bar. In Chicago, if I remember correctly. O'Mally's. It was where I found most of my underlings. It was an underground bar and they never carded. I picked up a lot of good dissatisfied mobsters there and gave them a purpose when Kira was around. That was a good name for a bar. I write it down.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
I frown at the question. "Neither, they should both make him their bitch," I write. Why waste time with nonsense like mythologies and marriage? Both are lies, obscuring the truth. I'm willing to bet Near struggled on this question. The bastard, always looking for hidden meanings in everything. Hmph.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
I laugh. "Maybe if you moved your desk so it wasn't in the dumpster, you'd have a better chance." How idiotic. "If you're so smart," I could hear in that obnoxious singsong voice that those mobsters I didn't employ used. "If you're so smart, then why did you..." I force my mind away from the question. It doesn't matter now. I have more important things to do. I have to finish this application so that I could get ahead of Near.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Bah! "What's to say they're not?" I write. If the author of this test thought they were useless and I don't have any evidence otherwise, why argue? It was a waste of time, anyways.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
A bribe? I roll my eyes. How stupid. I set the paper down and pull out another chocolate bar. "Here," I say aloud. "Your bribe. Are you satisfied or do you want more?" I cross my arms, looking around the room, waiting.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Mello_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____Mello______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____Mello______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______Mello_______"
The thread with Near isn't exactly worksafe...you were warned...