Application for Near from Death Note
Application for Near from Death Note
(Note: Near is taken from after the close of the series, following the recent one-shot chapter.)
Cautiously, Near padded into the unfamiliar room, glancing about in bland curiousity. He didn't recall how he'd come to be there, and that was somewhat disconcerting. Still, it was therefore a puzzle, and solving puzzles was what Near lived for. When he spotted the application, his curiousity was piqued further. Perhaps he might learn something from the nature of the questions.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
That seemed like a nonsensical question. Perhaps it was meant to put him off his guard. "Whatever's handy, I suppose. Brie, maybe. It's easy to spread on crackers." Hard to imagine a question like that being too revealing.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Now, this was something he'd have to tread more carefully answering. "Have either of them commited any major crimes? At times criminals resist arrest violently. Sometimes killing them becomes essential to prevent them from harming others. And of course, if they've commited sufficiently heinous acts, the death penalty might be called for. But in either situation, I wouldn't kill them directly. I could, perhaps, see how solving their crimes might lead someone to the conclusion that I had some hand in killing them."
3. What time is it where you are?
Another neutral question. It was almost as if a lie detector was being calibrated, but he saw no evidence of one. "Right now, 'where I am' is here, and I hate to admit it, but I don't know what time it is here, seeing as I don't know where here is. It was not quite five p.m. where I was."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Another odd question. "I'm afraid I don't know who you're talking about. And sexual harassment is against the law, you know." Granted, it was a fairly minor transgression, and one he'd resort to if it might help solve a real case.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Bartend?" Definitely trying to put him off guard. "I doubt I'd ever be tending bar. Although if I were to name one, I might call it the Abecedarium." Damn Had he been tricked into saying something revealing? No... no, that didn't give anything away.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Now, this one was just boring. "Again, I'm afraid I don't know these people, so I can hardly be expected to give a helpful answer. And if you're going to bring mythology into it, then it's going to be an ugly situation all around. Love triangles in myths and legends almost always turn into bloodbaths."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Near tried not to snort at that one. "You're disorganized. Come up with a filing system, or get an assistant to do it for you."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
That was a trap. That was definitely a trap, and he would have to answet carefully. "I'm not bad at solving problems. I suppose you could call me a consultant. I've helped people before."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
...what? Near felt in his almost-empty pockets, trying to find something that would qualify. Finally, his hand emerged, clutching something small.
A finger puppet.
A white-clad finger puppet, with dark hair, its 'chest' emblazoned with an L.
After all, Near didn't need it anymore. He was L now.
"This is all I have. You're welcome to it, if you'd like."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____N_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____N______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____N______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______N_______"
(Note: Near is taken from after the close of the series, following the recent one-shot chapter.)
Cautiously, Near padded into the unfamiliar room, glancing about in bland curiousity. He didn't recall how he'd come to be there, and that was somewhat disconcerting. Still, it was therefore a puzzle, and solving puzzles was what Near lived for. When he spotted the application, his curiousity was piqued further. Perhaps he might learn something from the nature of the questions.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
That seemed like a nonsensical question. Perhaps it was meant to put him off his guard. "Whatever's handy, I suppose. Brie, maybe. It's easy to spread on crackers." Hard to imagine a question like that being too revealing.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Now, this was something he'd have to tread more carefully answering. "Have either of them commited any major crimes? At times criminals resist arrest violently. Sometimes killing them becomes essential to prevent them from harming others. And of course, if they've commited sufficiently heinous acts, the death penalty might be called for. But in either situation, I wouldn't kill them directly. I could, perhaps, see how solving their crimes might lead someone to the conclusion that I had some hand in killing them."
3. What time is it where you are?
Another neutral question. It was almost as if a lie detector was being calibrated, but he saw no evidence of one. "Right now, 'where I am' is here, and I hate to admit it, but I don't know what time it is here, seeing as I don't know where here is. It was not quite five p.m. where I was."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Another odd question. "I'm afraid I don't know who you're talking about. And sexual harassment is against the law, you know." Granted, it was a fairly minor transgression, and one he'd resort to if it might help solve a real case.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Bartend?" Definitely trying to put him off guard. "I doubt I'd ever be tending bar. Although if I were to name one, I might call it the Abecedarium." Damn Had he been tricked into saying something revealing? No... no, that didn't give anything away.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Now, this one was just boring. "Again, I'm afraid I don't know these people, so I can hardly be expected to give a helpful answer. And if you're going to bring mythology into it, then it's going to be an ugly situation all around. Love triangles in myths and legends almost always turn into bloodbaths."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Near tried not to snort at that one. "You're disorganized. Come up with a filing system, or get an assistant to do it for you."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
That was a trap. That was definitely a trap, and he would have to answet carefully. "I'm not bad at solving problems. I suppose you could call me a consultant. I've helped people before."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
...what? Near felt in his almost-empty pockets, trying to find something that would qualify. Finally, his hand emerged, clutching something small.
A finger puppet.
A white-clad finger puppet, with dark hair, its 'chest' emblazoned with an L.
After all, Near didn't need it anymore. He was L now.
"This is all I have. You're welcome to it, if you'd like."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____N_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _____N______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _____N______.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______N_______"