Application: Lucille Bluth, "Arrested Development"

[thequeenbluth]

((Note for those of you who have not seen Arrested Development: The show has a narrator, who is voiced by Ron Howard and who acts like sort of a Greek Chorus, commenting on the action. He's very integral to the style of the show, so I've chosen to include him here. That said, this is totally a stylistic thing -- like how some characters are written

Comments

[angelicbadboy]

Oh, wow. It was his mother, in about ten years or so. The Hufflepuff answer actually made Brice shiver. How much of that could he trust was sincere, and how much was a clever act in case there were journalists around? Lucille did look older than Laura presumably ever would (Laura would of course never admit to aging, and would without a doubt take every precation necessary to maintain her beauty for as long as possible), but it was a type that he recognised well. Hopefully this one had more morals than dear old Mum, though. It didn't take much to have more morals than Laura de Winter, who was one step away from being a demon in human disguise, but he was going to stay suspicious until proven otherwise.

Yes, Brice was aware he had trust issues.

He looked at Lucille for a long, long time, his face carefully blank. He was sorely tempted to just Squib and leave, but Mel would scold him for that once he told her, and scolding just wasn't fun. So he decided to have a friendly conversation instead. Well, friendly-ish.

"Who's Annyong?" Brice asked, fighting to sound, well, not openly hostile. He did manage to not glare, though. That was an improvement.

[thequeenbluth]

((Note: Link includes a major spoiler for the last episode of Arrested Development!))

Having raised three sons and a daughter, Lucille was now all but immune to hostility. Luckily, it was a trait she had also passed down to most of her children.

Unfortunately, she was currently feeling a little hostility of her own towards Annyong, about whom she had just recently had certain troubling revelations, and she found it hard to disguise.

"Oh, Annyong is our adopted Korean son the ungrateful little brat." This last part was muttered under her breath, a scowl twisting her features. She quickly recovered and smiled airily. "We took him in about two years ago and he's been with us ever since."

[angelicbadboy]

"Nice of you," Brice deadpanned, searching Lucille's face for any signs of her not telling the truth. Really, the mind-reading skills would have been nice right about now. "To take someone in like that. How old is he?"

See? Small talk. Casual chatting. It was pretty obvious that Brice was suspicious of this applicant. He couldn't really help it, though. She felt too much like a distant relative.

[thequeenbluth]

Having been in the real-estate business for the last forty years, Lucille was now a master in the fine art of lying.

"How old is who?"

Most of the time.

"You mean Annyong?" Lucille seemed surprised. "Oh, well, he acts so much older than he really is. He's wise beyond his years. He's even more mature than my son Buster."

[angelicbadboy]

Totally not helping her case, here.

"Yes, Annyong," said Brice irritably. "Him being the current object of our discussion, it was him I was referring to." How about that?

Lucille's further words on Annyong unrelatedly brought on thoughts of Dominic, who'd always been more mature than Brice. Smarter, too. But, since Dom was a genius that would help the world and all, Brice held no grudges for that.

"Good for you," he said with a nod. "You should treasure people like that. But you didn't answer my question."

[thequeenbluth]

"Well." Lucille eyed Brice. "If you're going to get all snippy, I don't see why I should answer. I'm not being put on trial here, am I? A little kindness goes a long way."

It was at this point that a House Elf appeared, bearing another drink for Lucille. She took one look at it (the drink, not the elf) and scowled. "No, no -- I said tonic, not lime, for God's sake! Bring me another one." She put the glass back on the tray and dismissed the House Elf with a wave.

[angelicbadboy]

Brice grinned. He couldn't help it. This woman was fricken' unbelievable.

"You're in the Sorting Room at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," he chuckled. "This is a trial, sorry. It's when people here decide if they like you enough to vote you somewhere. So far, you're not giving off a good first impression, I'm sad to say. It's not a country club. Acting like you own the place isn't gonna do you any favours." Free tip for the new arrival.

[thequeenbluth]

Lucille had made a personal habit of not listening to anyone for the last few decades, and she saw no reason to change that now. As a result, she only noticed the one word that really meant anything to her.

"This is the trial? What do you mean?" She frowned and glanced around, then reached into her purse for a compact. "Is this the courthouse? Where's the judge -- do we have Ping again? Where's Barry?"

The Bluth family had been dealing with the courts now for several years, ever since the initial arrest of Lucille's husband, George Senior. She had gained a lot of experience.

Lucille examined her face in her compact mirror and attempted to sniffle convincingly.

Vote: Sparklypoo!

[angelicbadboy]

Oy. It wasn't a word Brice was thinking very often, but this time it popped up. He rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly.

"You know what? Never mind. Welcome to Hogwarts, lady. Make sure you enjoy the free snacks that you'll occasionally stumble across in the castle; they're always excellent."

He cast his vote and began moving towards the exit. This conversation had left him with one massive headache.