Application: Lucille Bluth, "Arrested Development"

[thequeenbluth]

((Note for those of you who have not seen Arrested Development: The show has a narrator, who is voiced by Ron Howard and who acts like sort of a Greek Chorus, commenting on the action. He's very integral to the style of the show, so I've chosen to include him here. That said, this is totally a stylistic thing -- like how some characters are written

Comments

[anythingawesome]

As the head of Dunder Mifflin Hogsmeade's Party Planning Committe (she and Pam had never actually talked about who was the leader, but Kelly had the better shoe collection, so she was obviously the default choice), and dear friend of Hedwig Robinson, Sasan, and other very awesome people, Kelly knew fabulous.

And this woman? Was vintage fabulous.

"Hair is a totally great way to pick out a partner. My boyfriend, Ryaaaan, had the best hair ever, and we're very happy together!"

[thequeenbluth]

Lucille had never actually met an Indian person before, and since she still thought she was at a country club, she was a little surprised to see Kelly there. On the other hand, she liked people who agreed with her, and so she decided to be friendly to the woman she had decided was probably a hostess of some kind.

"Oh, yes." She nodded and crossed her legs. "It's hard to beat a full, thick head of luscious hair... Oh, how I loved that hair." Her eyelashes fluttered, a smile flashing across her face. It was gone, however, almost instantly, and then she rolled her eyes. "But now it's all gone and he's just a pot-smoking putz with only one pair of pants. Oh well."

She finished her drink and held the glass out to Kelly expectantly. "It's vodka tonic."

[anythingawesome]

"That's too bad," Kelly sympathized. "Ryan's got a huge collection of pants. Some of them are even stylish!" Mostly the ones Kelly had picked out.

...Huh. Kelly looked down at the glass and smiled, slightly confused. "Um, no thank you. I stick with appletinis. Or mangotinis. Fruit-tinis in general."

[thequeenbluth]

Lucille didn't like having to order drinks twice, and was displeased by Kelly's lack of understanding. She felt ostracized by what she thought must be a new club policy of hiring slow immigrants and forcing them onto new and returning members. Maybe, she thought, it was a new program, like the street gangs-into-dentists website she'd once found.

"Oh, lord," she muttered to herself. "They're taking on MRFs now?"

Looking back at Kelly, she raised her voice and began talking slowly. "I'd like ANOTHER ONE, please. That's a VODKA TONIC."

[anythingawesome]

Yeah, still a little confused. First of all, who drank Vodka Tonics? This definitely clashed with the new woman's otherwise fab look. Kelly totally hoped she looked that good when she was seventy.

"Oh, I don't make drinks unless I've having a sleepover night. And even then, it's just pitchers of assorted tinis." That was all Kelly knew how to make! "We could probably get you a house elf."

[thequeenbluth]

"For Pete's sake, just get me something," Lucille said impatiently, rolling her eyes. "What do those have in them, anyway, gin?" She sighed. "You know what? it doesn't matter."

Something suddenly seemed to occur to her, and she gave Kelly a broad smile. "And there'll be a nice tip in it for you," she added generously.

[anythingawesome]

Kelly was at a loss. Which was an unfamiliar feeling, as she was usually so on the ball, and in both the know and down low.

The woman was apparently asking for a drink. But Kelly was not a waitress, nor was she hosting any sort of appletini-themed mani-pedi-party.

"Um, I'm in customer service." Maybe that would clear things up?

[thequeenbluth]

Lucille assumed that Kelly meant a service position, which only confirmed her idea that Kelly was a waitress.

She stared at Kelly expectantly. "Yes? What are you waiting for?"