Michael, "Angels Unlimited"
((When there are only two Angels Unlimited muns, and I am one of them, it was very easy to get permission to app this one. So. No worries!))
There was a humming sound, and then a light as if someone had turned a switch. It was a warm, golden glow, a heavenly light if you will, and it was accompanied by the sweet, simple fragrance of lilacs in bloom. The Sorting Room zinged with energy for a moment or two... and then the light faded, and a man was standing in the same spot. He was wearing a very classy pinstriped suit, which would have looked more elegant if he hadn’t appeared to have slept in it. As it were, it made him look frazzled and jet-lagged.
Then Michael looked up and smiled, and all the kindness, understanding and serenity in the world shone reflected on his face.
“Well.” He cleared his throat and straightened his suit as best he could. It was a futile task, but he wanted to make a good first impression. Michael frowned and patted his chest pockets. “Now, I was sure I had a pen here somewhere... Ah!”
He triumphantly pulled out a traditional 21st century ballpoint pen and began dealing with the application. Sometimes he wrote the answers out himself, and sometimes he let the Dictaquill deal with it. Such a handy little thing!
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it our favorite?
Michael looked sheepish for a moment. He did have a fondness for cheesecake, but he felt he was starting to look chubby. And though that worked for cherubs, archangels had a certain image to uphold. They should definitely be more lean and fit.
Cheesecake, he admitted finally, in writing. I must be honest. Though I try to limit myself nowadays.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
“Oh no,” said Michael out loud and shook his head, frowning, “Oh no, no, no. That’s horrible. No.”
He wrote, in the neat hand that takes someone millennia to perfect, Ending someone’s life is a serious offence. Both Barney and Carrottop mean well, and their hearts are in the right places. They bring some people joy. I would kill neither.
3. What time is it where you are?
“Now that is an excellent question,” he mused. “First of all, what is time, and what is here?” Michael took a pause and then answered his own question. “Ah, Scotland. 21st century, definitely. Oh yes, 2007!”
He chuckled. Marvellous times ahead! Though the 21st century had a lot of difficulties as well... The Agency was always called in to rectify another problem in that era. It was a bit of a bother, to be perfectly honest.
“You will have to excuse me, I’m a little jet-lagged,” smiled the archangel. “I’m still on Cosmic Time.”
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Oh dear.
Michael coughed. “Well, I would not say I have ever harassed someone... I haven’t had the time for any romantic liaisons these past millennia. There has just been so much to do.” He paused and considered. “I would not mind taking Molly Weasley out on a cup of tea sometime, but last I heard she was happily married. Then there is Lily Evans, very lovely. But also married.” He sighed. “Ah well.”
He added to the Dictaquill’s notes in his own pen. The quill looked mildly affronted by this, if such a thing was possible for a magical writing device.
It is not in my nature to harass anyone, sexually or otherwise. I must leave this question without a sufficient answer.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I conduct my business in the light of day, or at least in a lit environment, wrote Michael with a nod at the Dictaquill. I wouldn’t have a bar, either. A little café perhaps, though, with a menu full of delicious pastries.
Though he couldn’t imagine his own pastries being anywhere close to the one’s Mo could make. He’d make a fool of himself, trying to compete with that.
“It wouldn’t be possible for me to start one for a long while anyway,” he mused. “Perhaps far, far into the future, when all this human business is over and done with. I think I would name it after a pastry. Cinnamon Pie, perhaps.”
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
“My, I have been out of the loop recently... I didn’t even know Harry fancied either of these two gentlemen!” Hadn’t he recently been involved with that nice, redheaded girl... Ginevra, ah yes. Michael had thought they made such a sweet couple, too.
Either, as long as he is happy, he wrote. Michael trusted that Harry already knew the answer to the question, and that he needed no further intervention.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
“Hire an assistant!” said Michael brightly.
He’d had the same problem once, himself. Being an angel could unfortunately not spare you from neither paperwork nor a couple of extra kilos. At least an assistant could help with the papers.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
“Oh, I am an archangel,” Michael told the Dictaquill, which was looking politely interested. “I am in charge of planet Earth, making sure the humans are getting along as best they can. And I am the headmaster of the Angel Academy... I believe some of my students are here already? That would be Melanie Beeby, Lola Sanchez and Brice de Winter. I hope they haven’t been any trouble.”
Well, all three had been known to break one or two rules in the past. He hadn’t heard anything in particular from them lately, and just wanted to make sure.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
“Ah... My pen.” Michael waved the pen around for emphasis. “And I have several pastries from Guru. That’s the best café back where I come from. I have strawberry tarts, brownies, lovely pies of various sorts, and some other things. You can definitely satisfy your sweet tooth, I’d say,” he chuckled.
“Otherwise I suppose I can offer advice. I have been around for a while, after all, and I never mind listening.”
Michael made himself comfortable, brushing some imaginary dust off his trousers and waited for someone to turn up. While he sat there, a passing owl flew into the room and placed itself on his knee, hooting happily. Michael accepted this, smiled at the bird, and scratched it on the head. He spoke to it softly in its own language, a lovely musical sound that all animals understood. The owl looked absolutely blissed out. Animals loved angels.
There was a humming sound, and then a light as if someone had turned a switch. It was a warm, golden glow, a heavenly light if you will, and it was accompanied by the sweet, simple fragrance of lilacs in bloom. The Sorting Room zinged with energy for a moment or two... and then the light faded, and a man was standing in the same spot. He was wearing a very classy pinstriped suit, which would have looked more elegant if he hadn’t appeared to have slept in it. As it were, it made him look frazzled and jet-lagged.
Then Michael looked up and smiled, and all the kindness, understanding and serenity in the world shone reflected on his face.
“Well.” He cleared his throat and straightened his suit as best he could. It was a futile task, but he wanted to make a good first impression. Michael frowned and patted his chest pockets. “Now, I was sure I had a pen here somewhere... Ah!”
He triumphantly pulled out a traditional 21st century ballpoint pen and began dealing with the application. Sometimes he wrote the answers out himself, and sometimes he let the Dictaquill deal with it. Such a handy little thing!
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it our favorite?
Michael looked sheepish for a moment. He did have a fondness for cheesecake, but he felt he was starting to look chubby. And though that worked for cherubs, archangels had a certain image to uphold. They should definitely be more lean and fit.
Cheesecake, he admitted finally, in writing. I must be honest. Though I try to limit myself nowadays.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
“Oh no,” said Michael out loud and shook his head, frowning, “Oh no, no, no. That’s horrible. No.”
He wrote, in the neat hand that takes someone millennia to perfect, Ending someone’s life is a serious offence. Both Barney and Carrottop mean well, and their hearts are in the right places. They bring some people joy. I would kill neither.
3. What time is it where you are?
“Now that is an excellent question,” he mused. “First of all, what is time, and what is here?” Michael took a pause and then answered his own question. “Ah, Scotland. 21st century, definitely. Oh yes, 2007!”
He chuckled. Marvellous times ahead! Though the 21st century had a lot of difficulties as well... The Agency was always called in to rectify another problem in that era. It was a bit of a bother, to be perfectly honest.
“You will have to excuse me, I’m a little jet-lagged,” smiled the archangel. “I’m still on Cosmic Time.”
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Oh dear.
Michael coughed. “Well, I would not say I have ever harassed someone... I haven’t had the time for any romantic liaisons these past millennia. There has just been so much to do.” He paused and considered. “I would not mind taking Molly Weasley out on a cup of tea sometime, but last I heard she was happily married. Then there is Lily Evans, very lovely. But also married.” He sighed. “Ah well.”
He added to the Dictaquill’s notes in his own pen. The quill looked mildly affronted by this, if such a thing was possible for a magical writing device.
It is not in my nature to harass anyone, sexually or otherwise. I must leave this question without a sufficient answer.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I conduct my business in the light of day, or at least in a lit environment, wrote Michael with a nod at the Dictaquill. I wouldn’t have a bar, either. A little café perhaps, though, with a menu full of delicious pastries.
Though he couldn’t imagine his own pastries being anywhere close to the one’s Mo could make. He’d make a fool of himself, trying to compete with that.
“It wouldn’t be possible for me to start one for a long while anyway,” he mused. “Perhaps far, far into the future, when all this human business is over and done with. I think I would name it after a pastry. Cinnamon Pie, perhaps.”
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
“My, I have been out of the loop recently... I didn’t even know Harry fancied either of these two gentlemen!” Hadn’t he recently been involved with that nice, redheaded girl... Ginevra, ah yes. Michael had thought they made such a sweet couple, too.
Either, as long as he is happy, he wrote. Michael trusted that Harry already knew the answer to the question, and that he needed no further intervention.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
“Hire an assistant!” said Michael brightly.
He’d had the same problem once, himself. Being an angel could unfortunately not spare you from neither paperwork nor a couple of extra kilos. At least an assistant could help with the papers.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
“Oh, I am an archangel,” Michael told the Dictaquill, which was looking politely interested. “I am in charge of planet Earth, making sure the humans are getting along as best they can. And I am the headmaster of the Angel Academy... I believe some of my students are here already? That would be Melanie Beeby, Lola Sanchez and Brice de Winter. I hope they haven’t been any trouble.”
Well, all three had been known to break one or two rules in the past. He hadn’t heard anything in particular from them lately, and just wanted to make sure.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
“Ah... My pen.” Michael waved the pen around for emphasis. “And I have several pastries from Guru. That’s the best café back where I come from. I have strawberry tarts, brownies, lovely pies of various sorts, and some other things. You can definitely satisfy your sweet tooth, I’d say,” he chuckled.
“Otherwise I suppose I can offer advice. I have been around for a while, after all, and I never mind listening.”
Michael made himself comfortable, brushing some imaginary dust off his trousers and waited for someone to turn up. While he sat there, a passing owl flew into the room and placed itself on his knee, hooting happily. Michael accepted this, smiled at the bird, and scratched it on the head. He spoke to it softly in its own language, a lovely musical sound that all animals understood. The owl looked absolutely blissed out. Animals loved angels.