Arthur Ramsey, Threshold
((He is from the TV series, not the book of similar name!))
He wanders in, a little bleery and hung over. He might only stand four and a half feet tall, but you'd never know it by the way he moves -- doesn't matter if he's baffled by the sights or out of his element, he owns the room when he walks in.
He settles into his jacket by tugging on the collar and comes over to pick up an application. "Well, at least it's English." He pulls a pen out of his pocket, clicks it open, and starts scribbling.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Depends on what it's served on. If you're putting it on crackers to go with wine, Royaldieue does the job. If you're putting it on fries to go with bad beer, that nachos-in-a-can is what I'd recommend.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
He paused at this one. "I swear, if this is one of Baylock and company's little exercises..." he was not in the mood to be psychologically assessed. He rubbed the back of his neck. Being that both of them are, by and large, products of the fevered imaginations of Hollywood, I'd say neither and that I'd rather go right to the source.
3. What time is it where you are?
You don't wear a watch in my profession.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
... another one to consider long, and hard. None, if it's going to risk leaking information. There. That should cover his bases. Otherwise, I'll go with the blanket answer of 'everyone under sixty that recognizes my genius'.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I suppose you want some kind of complicated, multi-language pun. Or something involving cyphers and encoding. I don't. As long as there are women there to bring me alcohol, be half-naked, or both, you can call it Grandma's Rootin' Tootin' Rowdy Bingo Jamboree and I'll show up.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Don't get married. Just don't. I can give you a laundry list of mythological and real-world examples of why marriage is an exercise in futility and a money sink.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Either you've got the time-management skills of an ADHD off his meds or you work for the government. Probably both.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I'm a mathematics and linguistics genius, and it says so right on the package. I'm also extremely well versed in a rather shocking number of absolutely inappropriate skills. He lifted an eyebrow, then added, I've been in combat situations, and espionage situations as both the hunter and hunted. I'm no expert, but I could do it again.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Hm. I can translate anything, create programs to both decypher and decode just about any constructed language. I'll let you get first peek at my new paper -- mathematics or linguistics, your choice. I make a mean mojito. And I've got $187 in ones, if that's your thing. And a pen. Not much of a bribe, but there it is.
He wanders in, a little bleery and hung over. He might only stand four and a half feet tall, but you'd never know it by the way he moves -- doesn't matter if he's baffled by the sights or out of his element, he owns the room when he walks in.
He settles into his jacket by tugging on the collar and comes over to pick up an application. "Well, at least it's English." He pulls a pen out of his pocket, clicks it open, and starts scribbling.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Depends on what it's served on. If you're putting it on crackers to go with wine, Royaldieue does the job. If you're putting it on fries to go with bad beer, that nachos-in-a-can is what I'd recommend.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
He paused at this one. "I swear, if this is one of Baylock and company's little exercises..." he was not in the mood to be psychologically assessed. He rubbed the back of his neck. Being that both of them are, by and large, products of the fevered imaginations of Hollywood, I'd say neither and that I'd rather go right to the source.
3. What time is it where you are?
You don't wear a watch in my profession.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
... another one to consider long, and hard. None, if it's going to risk leaking information. There. That should cover his bases. Otherwise, I'll go with the blanket answer of 'everyone under sixty that recognizes my genius'.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I suppose you want some kind of complicated, multi-language pun. Or something involving cyphers and encoding. I don't. As long as there are women there to bring me alcohol, be half-naked, or both, you can call it Grandma's Rootin' Tootin' Rowdy Bingo Jamboree and I'll show up.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Don't get married. Just don't. I can give you a laundry list of mythological and real-world examples of why marriage is an exercise in futility and a money sink.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Either you've got the time-management skills of an ADHD off his meds or you work for the government. Probably both.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I'm a mathematics and linguistics genius, and it says so right on the package. I'm also extremely well versed in a rather shocking number of absolutely inappropriate skills. He lifted an eyebrow, then added, I've been in combat situations, and espionage situations as both the hunter and hunted. I'm no expert, but I could do it again.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
Hm. I can translate anything, create programs to both decypher and decode just about any constructed language. I'll let you get first peek at my new paper -- mathematics or linguistics, your choice. I make a mean mojito. And I've got $187 in ones, if that's your thing. And a pen. Not much of a bribe, but there it is.