Application: Sergeant Schlock, Schlock Mercenary (webcomic)

[ominous_hum]

Somewhere near the ceiling of the Sorting Room, there is a sound much like a baseball bat being passed through a coffee maker, and then a large gray-green mass materializes out of thin air and lands on the ground with a splatch. It sits there for a moment, inert, and then a pair of eyes emerge and pan around the room. The mass sprouts a pair of

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[ka_click]

"Pretty nice gun you got there." Says the bunny on the shelf. "Ya think ya might offer that up as a bribe?" Cause we webcomics gotta stick together.

[ominous_hum]

Schlock snatches the gun back to himself protectively. "MINE."

Then he rummages in his mouth a bit and comes up with a much smaller (dare one say, Bun-Bun sized?) pistol. "Here. Kevyn gave this to me after my first plasgun got blown up. It's a ... something or other. Magic sleep gun."

[ka_click]

"Magic sleep gun, huh?" Bun-bun turns the weapon over, admiring it. "Does it work? Cause, if it does? You just bought your way into the house of yer choice."

[ominous_hum]

"I'm a space mercenary," Schlock says proudly. "Mercenaries don't get to cash their paychecks by carrying around guns that don't work." He picks up the sleep gun and points it at an owl that happens to be flapping by; the gun gives off a soft whistle like an old-fashioned television tube, and the owl drops to the floor like a stone.

Schlock hands the little gun back and picks up the owl, which is actually snoring. "See?"

Then Schlock eats the owl.

[ka_click]

"Good eatin on them things." A nod from bun-bun at such effciency. "I'll take it! What house you want to be in?"