What’s that in the woods? Why, it’s a nondescript blonde gymnast!

[busty_robin]

Watch the right. You favor your right when you turn.Steph took a deep breath, and started a series of handsprings, occasionally aiming at one of the person-shaped outlines now covering a small circle of unfortunate trees. The outlines had red targets for fatal injuries, white targets for temporarily debilitating injuries, and pink targets for

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[themountie]

Fraser was just out for a run with Dief, in his civvies, when the wolf announced that he'd picked up the scent of... live chicken? "Surely you're mistaken," Fraser protested, but the wolf was already off running to investigate; the Mountie had no choice but to follow.

What he found, he had to admit, he was not entirely expecting, although this being Hogwarts he couldn't say he was surprised. Dief was stopped at the edge of the clearing, sniffing enthusiastically at what did, in fact, appear to be a live chicken. Fraser came to a stop beside him and sighed. "All right," he said to the wolf's dirty look. "My apologies." Oh, he wasn't going to live this down for a while.

Muttering to himself, he looked up into the clearing to see Stephanie there. "Ma'am?" he called. "Is this your chicken?" he asked, more out of curiousity than anything else.

[busty_robin]

So that's where the chicken went! Steph ran the edge of the clearing, and picked the thing up. It seemed docile enough. "I suppose so. Not sure how to change it back into a tree."

She held the chicken up to eye level. It clucked. "It seems pretty content, being a chicken." She turned the thing around, so that its beady chicken-eyes were looking right at Fraser. "What do you think?"

[themountie]

Fraser took the question in stride, leaning forward obediently to study the fowl. "...As far as these things go," he agreed after half a moment, straightening with a nod. "It doesn't appear to be actively complaining, at least, and I've found that it's quite difficult to keep an angry chicken contained, particularly a rooster like the one you have there." They could be nasty creatures.

Much like, say, half-wolves, like the one who was currently snickering at him. Fraser shot Dief a glare. "Yes, yes, I do understand, thank you." Wolves. Honestly.

[busty_robin]

"Maybe that's due to its tree-ness? I guess it's used to standing around. You said it's a rooster?" Steph looked at the thing again, but couldn't see a difference. "I think this is actually the first time I've ever handled a chicken that wasn't deep fried." To that, the rooster gave an indignant squawk.

Huh. She couldn't tell if he was joking or not. "Does your dog mock you a regular basis?"

[themountie]

"Well, I suppose it's a tree," Fraser mused. "But then, that opens up an entire philosophical debate... at the moment, yes, it is occupying the body of a rooster. A Buff Orpington, if I'm not mistaken." He rarely was.

At the question, he flashed her an incredibly weary look. "Diefenbaker is a wolf, actually. And yes, I'm afraid so. I merely expressed the opinion that I found it unlikely that he'd picked up the scent of a domesticated chicken out here," he indicated the woods at large, "but I suppose I forgot to take the presence of magic into account." At his feet, Dief whuffed amusedly. "Now he's going to hold it over my head for ages," he sighed, compressing his lips tightly.

[busty_robin]

"Buff Orpington? That might make a pretty good chicken name." It wasn't like she could leave rooster-tree-thing alone in the woods. It would be dinner by nightfall.

"So he's not one for the 'don't bite the hand that feeds you' adage?" Pretty wolf, even if he was cocky! "How did you get a pet wolf, if you don't mind my asking? They aren't exactly in the window of your local Petco."

[themountie]

"You don't think that might be confusing, being called the same thing as your breed?" He smiled a bit, scratching his neck thoughtfully. "It would be roughly the same as naming your son 'Caucasian Male Human,' I should think." He hesitated. "...Are you planning on keeping it?" Roosters weren't as bad as otters, but they weren't very high up on Fraser's 'recommended pets' list.

Granted, his list included wolves, so... "Oh, no, Diefenbaker certainly doesn't bite." He wisely decided not to mention the one time Dief had bitten him. After all, there had been extenuating circumstances. "But he's not particularly grateful, no, if that's what you meant," he added with a sharp look towards the wolf, who whined innocently.

Turning back to Stephanie, he explained: "He's actually a half-wolf. I found him in an abandoned mineshaft... oh, six years ago now or so, and we've been together ever since. He followed me to Chicago, and now here." Like his dad, but less dead!

[busty_robin]

"Actually, Caucasian Male Human is right up there on my list of baby names. Unless I marry an alien, in which case, I'm thinking 'Frank'." Why yes, Stephanie had considered the possibility that she might one day wind up with an alien- you never knew! She smiled and set Buff down. "Seems like the right thing to do. He’s tame enough. Besides, I've seen people here with pets more unorthodox than chickens. Buff'll fit right in."

Another Chicago boy? "Where did he follow you from?" The guy sounded Canadian, but the American accent peppering his vowels made it hard to tell.

[themountie]

Stephanie's mistake was assuming that Fraser knew how to make or, in fact, take a joke. Actually, he tended to take almost everything at face value, and he was doing just that right now. He stared at her blankly. Frank...? "I see," he said, in the tone of one who clearly didn't, then gratefully moved on with the rest of the conversation. "I suppose that's a valid point," he agreed. "Most people seem to find keeping a wolf fairly unorthodox, for example," he added a bit sheepishly. "And I suppose Buff's crowing can hardly be worse than Diefenbaker's snoring." The wolf huffed sharply at him; he ignored it.

If Fraser had known that Stephanie thought he had an American accent, he would have died of misery, so it was a good thing she hadn't said it. As it was, he looked a little embarrassed. "The Yukon. I'm sorry, I should have introduced myself sooner -- my name is Constable Benton Fraser, of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police." He held a hand out to her.

[busty_robin]

Steph was very familiar with that tone, and knew trying to explain that there probably weren't actual alien babies in her future was pointless. The guy's wolf had a better sense of humor!

"You're a mountie?" Not just a mountie! The mountie! The smoky-maker-outer mountie! Unless this place was crawling with mounties relocating to Chicago. She smiled gracefully, not letting the fact that she knew this man's kissing habits show, and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you. I'm Stephanie Brown. Of, um, Gotham City."

[themountie]

Fraser had very little sense of humor, and he also had absolutely no idea who Stephanie was. Ray had told him about talking with a girl, but he hadn't given her name, which meant that Fraser was in fact totally unaware that Stephanie knew his kissing habits. ...That was probably for the best.

He returned her smile and shook her hand politely. "Yes, I am a Mountie. It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Brown. I'm not familiar with Gotham, I'm afraid." Which probably meant she was from another world, he was guessing, and took it in stride. "I don't believe they have one where I'm from, although I suppose it can't be all that different if you have both a Chicago and a Canada."

[busty_robin]

Now all Steph could really think about was this man's making out habits- she was still at the age where it seemed vaguely incomprehensible that Canadians had a libido.

Steph nodded and didn't say what state Gotham was in, because then the universe implodes. "We also have talking wolves! Usually genetically engineered for the purpose of some nefarious plot." Honestly, some villains didn't even try anymore. "We get a lot of nefarious plots where I'm from."

[themountie]

To be fair, this particular Canadian's libido tended to be... well, pretty well covered up. Even out of uniform, like now, he tended to be so straight-laced and proper that he came off as unreal to most people; in the serge he was practically a toy soldier half the time. In short, he didn't exactly scream I spend my nights having hot tobacco-flavored sex with my gay lover.

Right now, for example, he was smiling very innocuously at Stephanie. "Well, he doesn't exactly talk," he hedged, glancing at Diefenbaker. "Not in human speech, at least. Most people don't find themselves able to converse with him. We do have our share of nefarious plots, though."

[busty_robin]

See, Steph was using nefarious in a 'hehe, no one on earth uses this word anymore' way. Most plots she was in the business of foiling didn't remotely identify as nefarious. Even the Joker wasn't nefarious- just insane, with lame puns. But she got the distinct impression that 'nefarious' was part of Benton's daily vernacular.

"Oh, those are just the worst kind of plots. I'm not surprised Chicago is rife with them. What with all the Bears fans." Bears fans were shifty individuals. "No offense, if you yourself are a Bears fan."

[themountie]

Oh, Fraser was entirely serious. Granted, a lot of the work he got was a little... less than taxing, perhaps, but when you were pitted against terrorists who used Mounties as components of impromptu thermonuclear devices, performance arsonists, Russian arms dealers and an entire bevy of Mafia-related plots, he felt you were allowed to use the word 'nefarious.' Also, possibly, 'insane.'

In his experience, Bears fans weren't any worse than any others -- although, to be fair, he didn't think he'd actually asked any of his arrests whether or not they were fans. Still, he felt a little defensive on behalf of his adopted exile home. "I've found that most Chicagoans exhibit a great deal of pride in their home teams," he told her, "so I'm sure any overlap is merely because of that. For example, my, ah..."

Oh, great -- here was the problem of what to call Ray again. Fraser wasn't sure if he was ever going to figure this one out. He hesitated, glanced at Dief, and cleared his throat. "My, uh... partner is a very great fan of the Bears, and I

[busty_robin]

"Your partner?" Oh, that was just lame. That Ray guy made out with Fraser, corpse-breath and all. He deserved a bit more than ‘partner’. It was time for a crash course in admit you have a boyfriend, 101.

"Mounties have partners? Do you go out, patrolling the Chicago wilderness?"