Doctor Zoidberg, Futurama
*Eyes the paper*
"What’s this? A meal for Zoidberg?" *gobbles up the paper*
*Picks up the pen*
"And an after dinner-mint? How fancy!" *Munches on the pen-mint*
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
*Gasp* “Am I getting cheese? That’s wooonderful! I haven’t eaten all week!”
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
“How dare you? I’m a doctor! I’d never kill someone who wasn’t a patient. That’s immoral, it is!”
3. What time is it where you are?
“You think I can afford a watch? On a doctor’s salary? Look at you, with the big spending. Fooey, I say! It’s whatever time Zoidberg says it is!”
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
“Zoidberg never harasses! He woos! But I must say, that Molly Wesle-folk is just loooovely. Were she a lobster, I would not mind depositing my male jelly into her eggy-female-parts, if you know what I am saying.”
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
*Eyes light up*
“I get a bar, too? Oh, Zoidberg’s day has finally come! I’ve waited so long! Take that, Earth Bar Association! Arrest me for lawyering with a law degree, will you?”
“I’ll call it ‘The place for Zoidberg’s dear friends to congregate socially’! Now Zoidberg will be the popular one!”
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
“With this, I can help! I am not only a Doctor of the Medicine, but a Doctor of the Heart! The answer is simple: Forget Fred & George, marry Zoidberg! I would make a raaaadiant bride.”
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
“Well, aren’t you so special, what with a desk full snacks. Why must you rub it my face?” *sobs* “I have nothing! I haven’t eaten all day!”
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
“Useless? You, anonymous floating voice, are the one who is useless! I’m a doctor! And an expert sleuth! I have mail-order degrees in Murderology aaand Murderonomy. Most importantly, I’m a talented stand up comic! You’ve never laughed so hard until you’ve laughed at Zoidberg!”
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
“Would you like some surgery? An extra head? A shiny new dorsal fin? A sharp set of teeth for that second mouth? I’m humble, so I didn’t mention it before, but I am a Doctor!”
"What’s this? A meal for Zoidberg?" *gobbles up the paper*
*Picks up the pen*
"And an after dinner-mint? How fancy!" *Munches on the pen-mint*
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
*Gasp* “Am I getting cheese? That’s wooonderful! I haven’t eaten all week!”
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
“How dare you? I’m a doctor! I’d never kill someone who wasn’t a patient. That’s immoral, it is!”
3. What time is it where you are?
“You think I can afford a watch? On a doctor’s salary? Look at you, with the big spending. Fooey, I say! It’s whatever time Zoidberg says it is!”
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
“Zoidberg never harasses! He woos! But I must say, that Molly Wesle-folk is just loooovely. Were she a lobster, I would not mind depositing my male jelly into her eggy-female-parts, if you know what I am saying.”
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
*Eyes light up*
“I get a bar, too? Oh, Zoidberg’s day has finally come! I’ve waited so long! Take that, Earth Bar Association! Arrest me for lawyering with a law degree, will you?”
“I’ll call it ‘The place for Zoidberg’s dear friends to congregate socially’! Now Zoidberg will be the popular one!”
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
“With this, I can help! I am not only a Doctor of the Medicine, but a Doctor of the Heart! The answer is simple: Forget Fred & George, marry Zoidberg! I would make a raaaadiant bride.”
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
“Well, aren’t you so special, what with a desk full snacks. Why must you rub it my face?” *sobs* “I have nothing! I haven’t eaten all day!”
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
“Useless? You, anonymous floating voice, are the one who is useless! I’m a doctor! And an expert sleuth! I have mail-order degrees in Murderology aaand Murderonomy. Most importantly, I’m a talented stand up comic! You’ve never laughed so hard until you’ve laughed at Zoidberg!”
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
“Would you like some surgery? An extra head? A shiny new dorsal fin? A sharp set of teeth for that second mouth? I’m humble, so I didn’t mention it before, but I am a Doctor!”