Green Butterflies from the Green Fairy
Eris, sweetheart,
I couldn't persuade that wretched chapeau to send me to Slytherin, where I so clearly belong; instead it's stuck me in Ravenclaw! Revolting, isn't it?
On a happier note, I've found the perfect soap for you. It's called "Discord", couldn't you just die? There's one named for me as well!
My dearest Crowley,
That utterly awful hat sent me to Ravenclaw! I was so looking forward to catching up with you in Slytherin, too! I do hope that won't keep us from seeing each other around from time to time. As adorable as drunken humans are, they're not the best conversationalists.
But the news, of course, isn't all bad. I had this lovely bottle from the Good Old Days, and I knew you'd appreciate it more than anyone else.