Finally Sorted
Jemima climbed the steps to the owlery, the board game that the Sorting Hat had given her under her arm. Once inside, she began to write out a letter to someone in Gryffindor, named Strong Sad...
( Owl to Strong Sad )
( Owl to Strong Sad )
It's nice to meet you, too. Well, I guess it's not really meeting if we're just writing. But it's close enough...I guess.
I play lots of board games. Sometimes I even play board games with other board games. Did you know that Hi-Ho Cherry-o is a master at Candyland?
So...thanks for sending me the board game. I would love to play it with you sometime, as long as there are no dodgeballs, chainsaws, or electric drills involved. In fact, here is a haiku I wrote for you about it:
I spin the spinner
Will I go up the ladder?
Alas, no, it's snakes
Do you like Morrissey? And arts and crafts? And safety?
Sincerely,
Strong Sad
Reply
No, I suppose we haven't met, but, as you said, close enough.
Do forgive me, as I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about. You see, I've just been turned human, and until now, I haven't experienced any human culture or entertainment. The only game I know of is that one I sent you, Snakes and Ladders. I'm terribly sorry for my lack of human knowledge.
Oh, what a lovely poem! I've written some poems before, as well... maybe we could compare works?
Again, I'm puzzled. Who's Morrissey? I've heard of arts and crafts, but I'm not too certain about what they are... I know safety, though! Safety is rather important, especially back home in the junkyard where Macavity could steal you away any second! Sorry, rambling. My bad.
Yours Truly,
Jemima
Reply
What were you before you were human? I hope you weren't a The Cheat. One The Cheat is too many The Cheats, especially when he's getting kicked into me.
What sort of games do you usually play?
If you like poetry, you should come to my next poetry slam. The last one I held was an emo poetry slam, but I'm thinking of holding a depressing poetry slam the next time around.
You don't know Morrissey? Oh, he's great. He sings songs about important topics such as how horrible it feels when our friends are successful and having a bad birthday.
And...you don't know arts and crafts?! Wow, um...well, it's when you make things from other things, like clay and glue and paper and string and markers and crayons. It sounds like your childhood was very deprived. I mean, you grew up in a junkyard where people kidnap you?! Wow.
Actually, that sort of sounds like Strongbadia.
Um, well...write back soon!
Sincerely,
Strong Sad
Reply
I used to be a Jellicle cat before I turned human. I lived in a very large junkyard near London with my tribe. It was a lot greater than it sounds.
Well, hide and seek was always a favorite amoungst the other kittens and me. I have played cards before, though. Someone threw away a good pack, so we recycled it for our entertainment. I've also played tag and catch.
I certainly shall come to your poetry readings. Maybe I'll prepare something to read.
Oh, Morrissey sounds positively depressing. I'm not much for sad songs, but maybe I'll aquire a taste for his music.
My childhood wasn't much, but, hey, it was mine. The Junkyard was a great place for the Jellicles, and we had all we needed. And Macavity... well, he's a different story entirely. Evil cat, very nasty. I've been kidnapped once or twice by him. It's not plesant. My mate, Alonzo, is still back at the Junkyard, but he'll come and join me here any day now... or at least, that's what he said he'd do... sorry, anyways.
Yours Truly,
Jemima
Reply
Living in a junkyard doesn't sound that great in the first place. That, too, sounds like Strongbadia, except without Strong Bad. Which...might actually make Strongbadia a decent place.
Maybe.
What was it like being a cat? I've only been a radio DJ before, and that was highly unpleasant.
I don't like hide and seek, because if I'm the one hiding, that's usually when I get locked in somewhere, usually with scorpions, or maybe fire ants. And if I'm the one seeking, I usually end up with a dodgeball in the face by the time I count to 15.
But I do like Monopoly and Stratego and The Settler of Catan and Space Hop and Battleship. And I like lots of card games, like Uno and Skip-Bo and Pinochle and Rummy and Gin Rummy.
Morrissey is very depressing. That's the best part.
What kinds of things did Macavity do to you? He sounds like my brother, maybe.
Sincerely,
Strong Sad
Reply
Well, it may not seem that great to you, but I didn't really know any other home, so... wait, where's Strongbadia?
Oh, it was fantastic being a cat! I really miss my tail... but being human is better, though. You have thumbs!
You don't like hide and seek?! Oh, but it's so much fun! If only Etcetera was here, she'd convince you to play it...
I've played Gin Rummy and Poker before. Do you like Poker? I find it rather enjoyable.
I'll take a listen to his songs. We'll see if his songs are too depressing for me...
Oh, Macavity's all talk, no bite. I think the first time I was kidnapped, I just sat in his hideout in a warehouse for about 2 days. Then he got bored and let me go. Same thing happened a year later. It was quite dull, honestly.
Yours Truly,
Jemima
Reply
Strongbadia is in a field behind some dumpsters, but I think most of it exists in Strong Bad's mind. I mean, a tire does not count as a population!
Oh, I don't have any thumbs. And my brother has thumbs, but the rest of his hand is a big boxing glove. Still, we get by. You'd be amazed at how many things you can do while lacking visible arms, even!
Who's Etcetera? And does she like to abuse her fellow hide-and-seek players?
Poker's all right. I don't recommend playing it with Homsar, because he'll throw down a hand with absolutely nothing in it and then declare it a "loyal blush," and that just doesn't make any sense.
Wow, Macavity sounds a lot like Strong Bad. Does he also glue your hands to your face and/or butt? Or your paws when you were a cat?
Sincerely,
Strong Sad
Reply
Oh, well, that doesn't sound like a very nice place if the population is tire... what about people? Don't they live there?
People where you come from don't have ARMS? How does that work out?
Etcetera is my sister back at the Junkyard. She doesn't abuse hide-and-seek players, however. She just loves that game and can convince anyone to play it.
I'll take note to not play Poker with him. He does sound rather bizarre.
No thumbs, remember? He can't operate a glue bottle or glue gun. So, no, there has been no gluing of my paws/hands... yet.
Yours Truly,
Jemima
Reply
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