Pickles (the drummer) (doodily doo ding dong doodily doodily doo) ; Metalocalypse

[doodily_doo]

((Okay'd by zee Dethklok muns!))

Definitely not as cool as Mordhaus. But hey. Any kind of castle's pretty brutal.

What looks like just about the only man to be able to be just about totally Irish and pull off a dreadlock'd comb-over suddenly appeared in the middle of the sorting room, giant cloud of TOTALLY METAL smoke wafting out through the

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[secondfastest]

"Pickle! You here!"

[doodily_doo]

Pickles was pretty sure that he'd never been so happy to see Toki. ...No, seriously. Ever. "Toki, man, this's where you disap... disc... went off to? Dude, you're in a castle. That's pretty, uh. That's pretty metal."

[secondfastest]

"Yeah, it is! We got zombies and crap, and they votes me perfect in Hufflepuffs! Oh, and Nathan and Skwisgaar are around here somewheres, too. And I has a girlfriend!"

[doodily_doo]

"Hey, man, whoa! Zombies!" This place was definitely brutal! Zombies! "Hufflepuff? That place sounds like some retarded little kid kinda... went and puked on it or somethin'. Puff ain't such a metal word, man, you know?"

Beat. "Perfect? How're yeh perfect if Skwisgaar's here too? You're not'z fast as him, dude." Only half perfect, really. ...But maybe he was just jealous. Hey, he wanted to be voted perfect.

"Girlfriend? Is she, uh. You know. She hot?"

[secondfastest]

"Yeah, it sounds weird but we're all there makings it metal." He'll explain about the food libraries and koalas riding yard wolves into battle later.

"Well, I was here firsts! So I gets voted first! It's pretty metal, it means I gets to use a special bathrooms. So we's using it as a hot tub now. We has a band meeting the other day... probably gonna have to have another ones since you here now too." Toki nods emphatically. "Oh yeah, she's really hot. She gots pretty hair and eyes and tits, wowee! And she thinks I'm great." This last part is purely conjectural on Toki's part.

[doodily_doo]

"Man, you guys're makin' somethin' named Hufflepuff metal?" he asked incredulously, eyes widening with slight impression. He held up the bottle, in a ... mock salute, of sorts. "Brutal." And took a huge swig of vodka

[secondfastest]

"Yeah! And when you thinks about it, it's like the sounds of smokings. Or like the dragon, you know? Dragons is metal." Toki's been working on the "Why Hufflepuff is Metal" argument for a while now, and he thinks it's coming along nicely.

"Well... maybe. The other perfect, he's nice. He's also two different people. It's fucked up. And the one in Gryffindors is nice too. He says he lets me play DDR in there sometime."

Toki shakes his head and sighs theatrically. "No, see, that ain't gonna happen. She's nice. She wears the Dethklok shirt I gives her and everything. And yeah, they's pretty big."

[doodily_doo]

"Wait, wait, wait. Dude, you... I ain't hearin' you say that Puff the Magic Dragon's metal. Cuz his name's Puff. And. That's not metal." Dragons are pretty metal, that he will admit. But not Puff.

"Two people? Like you mean he's all..." Pickles gestures to his head, making a kind of vague whistling noise. "Crazy or some shit? Man, that is fucked up. Thinks he's two people. He slip in the shower too're somethin'? Cuz, I mean, you totally did that when you were pretendin' you were all evil or whatever, dude. Flamethrowers and shit."

Ohhh. So she was like a roadie. Not really a girlfriend. Okay, that made more sense. "Hey, as long's'r tits're big. But if she goes whackjob, man, I warned yeh."

[secondfastest]

"Dragons is metal! And I thoughts Puff is the weed dragon. I read that on the Internet one time."

Toki shrugs. "I dunno. He gots this one guy named Quaczo that writes to me, and another guy named Meestofflees that I talks to. I don't really gets it, but he don't seem crazy." He glares indignantly at Pickles. "Flamethrowers is metal! Maybe I overdoes it, but flamethrowers is fucking metal!"

He settles for glaring at Pickles here, too. At least he's relatively sure that Pickles won't try to sleep with Cersei. Probably. Maybe.

[doodily_doo]

Pickles automatically looked quite sour, just as downtrodden and glaring as Toki currently was. "Okay, man, seriously, the fuck is this Internet thing cuz... nobody's tellin' me and, well, I'm kinda... I'm kinda, uh, gettin' mad. So... the Internet's dumb. Cuz, uh. Puff ain't a weed dragon."

And... now he was kind of confused. He frowned and glanced to the bottle, wondering vaguely how much he'd been drinking. "Man, he's two people and he ain't crazy? Wicked fucked up, dude. Kinda nutso." He waved his bottle at Toki again, just as indignantly. "And flamethrowers are way~y fuckin' metal, man, but, I mean, dude, you were all covered in blood and some shit. Screw this Missed-my-ovaries dude, that was... Yeah, uh, it was seriously fucked up."

Pickles, frankly, probably would've banged Cersei first chance he got. Well, unless she was some kinda uber bitch or something. He could go without the nagging/ ...But there was no need to mention that allowed.

[secondfastest]

"It don't really matter 'cause we don't has it here. So if you gets porns, it needs to be the magazine types." Because as we all know, the internet is for porn. Also email, but mostly porn.

"Yeah, I don't get it either. But he ain't a dick or nothing so I don't really care what he says, you know?" The bottle-waving triggers a thought tangent. "Oh, so they has this booze here called firewhiskey. It's some pretty good shit! I think I start having that with waffles instead of vodka in the mornings."

[doodily_doo]

Pickles frowned, if not only because his question still hadn't been answered and... that wasn't cool, man. Especially if it was something that you could use to get porn. "So, uh, I mean, this internet thing, right, (whatever it is) how come we can't use it? Cuz, I mean, that's pretty lame."

With a wrinkle of his nose, he lets it pass. Because, hey, anything's better than that rock and roll clown. ...Him and his stupid cocaine. "Firewhisky, uh? Sounds pretty metal. I guess I'm gonna be tryin' that out." And pauses, glancing to his bottle and back to Toki. "Wait, wait, you guys've got waffles here? Dude."

[secondfastest]

"We don't gots electricity here. It's brutal." Toki frowns. He doesn't want to play a grandpa's guitar again. "So I can't checks my email, and we gonna have to get magazines for porn. Whatever."

"Yeah, it's some okay stuff. Yeah, we gots waffles and crap, but you gotta ask the creepy house elves for them. They's like... really short roadies, but ugly. Sometimes they hits themselves, so that's funny, but I don't like 'em. I'm gonna put a food libraries in Hufflepuffs so I don't gotta mess wit' em."

[doodily_doo]

"Whhaaaattt?" Pickles asked incredulously, sounding slightly distraught. "No 'lectricity - man, that don't mean we gotta go back to those damn grandpa things again, dude, right? Cuz, I mean, uh. Yeah. Those? Totally not metal, man." He paused again, scratching at his forehead with the bottle. The fuck was e-mail?

"House elves? Man, I thought people with, uh. With crazy were fucked up. But, hey, I mean, if they're all hittin' themselves. Yeah, that's pretty awesome. I'd totally go for some'a that."

[secondfastest]

"Yeah, we better not. I ain't playing no grampa's guitars again."

Toki wrinkles his nose in distate. "You can deal with 'em, then. They's creepy."

[doodily_doo]

"Yeah, man, I mean, the bongos were kinda, uh. Yeah, it was totally a dildo. Like. Massive dildos."

He wasn't exactly sure why he was getting so defensive about something he'd... never seen before, but he was. "Hey, dude, so was that crazy clown thing and you brought that around all the time. And. And, I mean, midget roadies aren't... aren't clowns."