Jim Halpert, The Office (US)

[fathalpert]

((Okayed by Michael and Dwight-muns! Also, in case it's not clear, the italics are the written application itself, the rest is just... color commentary. ;) Also also, here be spoilers through S3 -- you have been warned!))

Comments

[schrute_dwight]

It was him. Dwight stared for a moment at Jim, jaw working, eyes going from the box of supplies to Jim and back again. Then, voice filled with loathing, he said, "You."

It seemed Dwight was not happy to see Jim.

[fathalpert]

Ah, and the man of the hour himself. Jim smiled at Dwight, the picture of innocence, as if he hadn't just stolen a box of his stuff. "Hey, Dwight! Fancy seeing you here. What's going on, man?"

[schrute_dwight]

Dwight glared the glare of a man whose last glare is this moment and he's using the last bit of his glaring power to make it stick. "I... You..." Taking a breath, he leaned in closer, teeth grit. "I know what you did."

[fathalpert]

Jim, sadly, remained uncowed by Dwight's fearsome glare; he didn't even bat an eye. When Dwight leaned in, he raised his eyebrows curiously, glanced around, and then inclined his head slightly, his voice dropping. "I... showed up here?" he offered quietly.

[schrute_dwight]

"You...yes, well, you did, but..." Dwight took a breath and frowned. "That's not what I meant, Jim," he hissed. "And you know it. I'm talking about the office supplies. You know you're going to have to account for those to Accounting." HA! Had you there, Halpert.

[fathalpert]

"I don't know what you're talking about, Dwight," he deadpanned, not giving a thing away. "These are my office supplies. I brought them from my home office." The fact that Dwight's bobbleheads and fake plant were clearly visible notwithstanding.

[schrute_dwight]

"You...you do not have a home office. That...those..." sputtering from the force of his righteous indignancy, Dwight pointed at the box. "Those are my bobbleheads, Jim. Do you collect bobbleheads? Did you stand outside of Office Max on Free Bobblehead day to be one of the first one hundred customers so you could collect a Sammy Sosa bobblehead, limited edition? Do you have a bobblehead in your likeness? Do you, Jim?"

He didn't think so.

[fathalpert]

"No," he admitted, shaking his head. "But... I do have one in yours." He pulled the Dwight bobblehead from the box and held it up to Dwight with a mild smile.

[schrute_dwight]

Dwight simply stared for a moment, jaw working as if he was attempting to take the bobblehead using the Force puzzle out his next move. Finally, in an explosion of movement, Dwight flailed out, trying to snatch the bobblehead from Jim.

[fathalpert]

"Hey!" Jim yanked his arm back, pulling the doll away from Dwight, and took a few steps back. "Dwight!" he exploded impatiently. "You can't just go taking other people's things, okay? That's not cool! Not cool, man."

[schrute_dwight]

"Jim!" Dwight said, his voice pitching up into what was unmistakably a whine. "That is exactly my point! You...that... JIM!" Glaring, Dwight looked around. "I am going to file a complaint. Jim Halpert stole my personal items. That is stealing and harassment. Hostile work environment!"

[fathalpert]

Jim gave him a look. "I don't know, Dwight. Don't you think that you attacking me is a little more hostile?" He clucked lightly, shaking his head. "I... don't think they're gonna take that too well."

[schrute_dwight]

"I...didn't attack you," Dwight managed, faltering a bit. "You...you provoked me! And..." Damn it!

Heaving a breath, he glared at Jim. "Just...give me the bobblehead. It...was a gift."

[fathalpert]

Jim sucked in a slow breath, considering. "Hm." Finally, he nodded. "Okay, Dwight, I'll tell you what. I'll give you the doll -- as a present, from me to you -- and I won't tell HR, but..." He smiled, holding the doll up. "You need to do me a favor. And I can't tell you what just yet."

[schrute_dwight]

It was a trick. Dwight gave Jim a wary, considering look. His intellect was superior to Jim's. His wits were keener. His mind honed by years of survival training and watching The Apprentice. His momma didn't raise no fool.

"The bobblehead collectors item," he couldn't help but correct, "and my three-hole punch. And a box of pens," Dwight added in a rush, an 'ah HA' expression of triumph on his face. Take that, Halpert!

[fathalpert]

Oh, Dwight. You were so, so predictable. "My three-hole punch," Jim corrected him in a warning tone, pulling the item in question from the box. "And a pen. Ballpoint or felt-tip?"